Embarassed to say, I have no spiritual path!

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dperkins11
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Posted on Jun 10, 2009 6:34 PM

I'm sitting here watching this show about spirituality and something in me just aches. I do believe in a higher power, but do not feel any connection to a particular religious group. I was blessed with two amazing parents who happened to not share a common religious faith, and because of this I do think I have always struggled with who I am spiritually. Some my mother's family were the first to accept the teachings of Islam in the city where we grew up. My dad was a born again Christian. One may wonder how the two of them ever made a connection, but for 22 years and seven children they did. Their religious differences and other issues did eventually affect their relationship and they divorced when I was 13. We attended services at the local mosque with our mom sparingly, and only attended church with my father sparingly after my parents divorced. Adding to this confusion, I was enrolled in a private, Catholic high school because while my grades were excellent, the public schools in my area were not. Here, I was immersed in the world of Catholicism and was completely overwhelmed for four years.

I am envious of friends who worship as a family and are able to stand in their religion with complete faith. This void in my heart and soul is magnified by the fact that I am passing on this spiritual void to my daughter. Being completely honest, I subconsciously have not allowed myself to "choose" because I would be betraying one parent if I chose one religion over the other. Interestingly enough, there are parts of both religions with which I agree and disagree. My husband feels the same as he was not raised with any specific religious guidelines. In attempts to reconcile this void, my husband and I have visited many churches, temples, mosques. Whenever we are invited us to visit a new place of worship, we attend in the hopes of feeling some type of connection. We feel nothing, no connection and everyone who approaches me seem either brainwashed or insincere. I feel as if they are trying to "sell me something".

When my daughter asks "What religion are we?", I have responded with "We are more spiritual than religious". Up to now, this seemed to end the discussion but I know we owe her so much more. Because we did not have a solid connection to any particular faith, we are not sure we know how to spiritually guide our daughter. I have attended some institutions labeled as "non-denominational". These have either felt cult-like or teach as a Bible-based institution.

We are desperate to find our own spiritual connection so that we may share this with our exceptional child! I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions on this topic. I'm sure there are others in our situation, and we would definitely interested in how others are handling this situation.

Feeling spiritually empty,

D. Perkins

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Replies: 2
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kayottic
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1. Re: Embarassed to say, I have no spiritual path!
Jun 11, 2009 5:29 AM   |   In response to: dperkins11

My husband and I were both raised in christian homes. He is the son of a Lutheran pastor and a long line of male family members who all went into the ministry. I was raised by fanatical christian parents and I was brainwashed for my entire childhood until I got on my own where I could explore and found that religion no longer worked for me.

When we met and married we both left our faith and raised our two children(17 and 18 now) by teaching them values rather than dogma. We taught them to listen within instead of looking outside of themselves. We taught them with love, validation,honesty and understanding instead of punishment (sin). Everything we need, we already have. It is usually parents(albeit well meaning) and society that teaches us to to shut that down in ourselves. Children are brilliant creatures and we "teach" the pureness right out of them.

I understand the "void" you speak of bc I sometimes ache for the assurance my parents feel about Jesus and all but I also know I no longer believe in their myth. It works for them and that is great. As for the void I now fill it with connection and reality and relationship and my kids are richer for it! You may just be missing the "idea" of religion or tradition as connection with your daughter. Start your own! We have silly ones, serious ones and sometimes none at all but they are all ours and that makes them special and the kids feel uniquely honored in them. They are proud to say they have no religion but they also know how to honor and respect those that do.

Hope this gives you some ideas of your own. I admire your willingness to stay true to yourself! That is our main family motto: To thine own self be true.

Good luck on the journey.

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Click to view jengbrown's profile
jengbrown
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2. Re: Embarassed to say, I have no spiritual path!
Aug 24, 2009 3:07 PM   |   In response to: dperkins11


I know it sounds silly, but I believe faith is a journey, a path. I am Roman Catholic, it is a title, it is great that I have that label but that does not entitle me to anything other than a box to check on most surveys. I have struggled with this label, growing up I couldn't understand why I had to go to church every Sunday and worship in a huge empty space filled with chanting and rituals. During my teenage years I felt closer to the pagan religion-God was everywhere not in a box or in the words of a corrupt patriarchal clergy. I even confronted my mom who was in line for sainthood (in my opinion) she was a woman of great faith, which I never understood. I asked why she followed a Pope who had all the trappings of a rich lifestyle, and yet professed poverty and requested help for all the poor souls in third countries, how could she follow and support such hypocrisy? She replied " I attend church for me, not the pope" OK didn't really answer the question but at 15 it didn't really matter what she said.

Now, that I am the mom and 38, I finally accepted that, I will not find GOD in a title, or a label, but I will find GOD everywhere! GOD is in you, you are connect to the spiritual realm you just have to listen and look for the signs along your journey.

Every time you laugh the spirit is there, when you do something kind, or you see someone do something kind you see GOD.

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