Hi Oprah,

Where do you find a good therapist.

My spouse and I are in our early fifties, and sex is boring for both of us at least for me. If I never have sex again it would be ok for me. My spouse isn't aroused even when simulated orally, he does not have E.D. Love making for me is similar to one of the scenes in The Color Purple when Mister went to bed with his new bride or the scene from Waiting to Exhale when one of the girls went to bed with the guy who thought he was a sex machine.

I am comfortable with my body and healthy sexually. Also there isn't any anatomical issues that would keep me from enjoying love making. Even though emotionally I could use some help. I feel that we need a few more years of physical before totally giving in to the hand holding and rocking chair season of life after all my grandparents were physically active well into their seventies.

Bored with sex-

Hi Oprah

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2006 and have been through a mastectomy, chemo, radiation and bilateral breast reconstruction surgery this past May 2008. I'm struggling to embrace my new body and to feel sexually attractive . I'm very pleased when wearing clothes again as I now have clevage again but do not feel attractive in the nude. I'm only 56 and my spouse is 57 and I want to establish a satisfying sexual relationship for us both but I'm stuck. My spouse is very supportive and has constantly told me that he finds me attractive but I don't feel it. We are able to talk about it and we are working on it but at times I don't know how to get beyond the emotion so I feel I am just coasting and not wanting to go there......

Dear Dr Berman, This is hard for me to put myself out like this, but my past is truly my past. I am a 49yr old female and I need to know if something is wrong with me and if so...What? My situation and question...ok, I have never had an organism with any male, never ever, unless he is giving me oral sex. For most of my adult life I was in lesbian relationships after being introduced to oral sex, by a male, at the age of 16. The Lord delivered me from that lifestyle in 2002. I was inlove with a guy in 1998, and as much as I loved him, he too had to do me orally or nothing would happen. I want to get married one day, hopefully soon. Does my past have anything to do with my not being able to enjoy sex "The right way"? Please Please advise..M. Madonna

...In continuing....I was actually delivered from that lifesytle in 2001, but during my time as having lesbian relationships, I was seeking the love of men, is how I come to fall inlove with a guy in 1998. However, the last lesbian relationship in 2001 took me to my peek orgasism. She struck a nerve and I went limp and lost all control over the use of my limbs and void out my title "Quiet lover"WOW it was wonderful. But I want it through intercourse with a male one day. My last sexual incounter was in 2000...just to try it with a male I really like, but nothing. So I know there is a "g" spot somewhere around the clitoris and Im told...there is one right at the entrance of the vagina also. How can I prepare myself for marriage...or do I? Please help! Thanks! M. Madonna

Harpobear, This is really serious for me as I am unable to appreciate the men as God has deemed for me to do. Im a reformed virgin now...desiring a soul mate...a husband one day...or else, I'll just be alone...Not Fair. Although I have a heart to comfort women and love being comfort by them ..sex is not one of them anymore. I need the comfort of a man.

So while I was watching this show I sent my husband a text message telling him he needs to plan a date and surprise me. I told him not to tell me where we were going. Do you know what his response was???? He texts back "hey whats the name and number of that fondue place you have been wanting to try?" As if I wouldn't put the two together!! Isn't that cute?:)

Hi dr. berman

I am 42 years old, have had a radical hysterectomy 2 years ago, and take an anti depressant everyday. I did not need chemo or radiation, however I do not take hormone replacement therapy. I have absolutely no desire at all. Any suggestions? I have not reached an orgasm is years, have been married for 14 years but have had at least desired sex before.

Thanks For Your Thoughts

Dr. Berman,
I feel as if I am beyond all help, but will state my concerns in hope that it is not so... I am 64 years old, active, healthy and do not look my age. Never in my life have I been able to achieve orgasm without the use of a vibrator. For most of my married life, my husband and I had an active and satisfying sex life. We knew how to make it work for us. For about the last 10 years I have had no desire whatsoever and find sex to be both intrusive and a chore. I did take HRT up until the reports came out at which time I quit. I'm sure that hormones are a big part of this, but don't know that anything can be done about that. I love my husband very much but would be perfectly happy if we never had sex again. He doesn't concur....in fact, he seems to "require" sex even more often. It's a BIG problem! Adding to that, he is older too.....has had heart surgery and is on medication that makes his participation much less effective than it was in the past. He is not a candidate for ED drugs. Are we doomed?
DJ

Regarding your kissing assignment: It's useless with a guy who abhors kissing. In fact, how does one "retrain" a guy whose mouth is useless during libidinal interactions? He not only shuns French kissing; he despises odors associated with oral sex and refuses to get involved with cunnilingus. What are your recommendations to retrain him to the oral side of intimacy? He can't even tolerate licking an envelope, let alone me!

I would love to learn the "appropriate" way or most pleasurable for my partner regarding oral sex. I feel like I can't completely satisfy him because of the large size of his penis. How can I make it as stimulating for him when I perform oral sex?

Dear Dr Berman. I've been w/hubby for 16 yrs, married 12. Our sex life deteriorates immensely when we r in a crisis. Sex twice a month is our lowest point. Today our crisis is our finances. We filed bankruptcy a year ago and just about lost everything except our hse, and we r struggling 2 keep that. I am not in the mood when I feel like my life is in ruins and have shifted my gears to survival mode. My husband, on the other hand, cannot survive w/out sex (as evidenced by his affair 7 yrs ago while I was pregnant. We have since somewhat moved on. I have forgiven him, but still think about it when I don't feel connected with him during sex. Sometimes I feel he isn't really there w/ME). Other crisises where our sex life was on the back burner a bit was thru Nursing school 12 yrs ago, our scrambling 2 save our real estate investments for a continuous 15 months, 2 miscarriages, & the beginning 6-9 mos after a child is born (I have a 2 mo/old and a 7 yr/old). So, do I need 2 just snap out of it and give him what he wants 2 save our marriage? (And with that solution I would need 2 know HOW 2 snap out of it.) Or is there a magical way that I, w/my work schedule, family, financial stress and the looming possibility of homelessness circling around in my head, can still maintain a healthy sex life so my husband is satisfied & I can stave off another affair by him? I purposely did not mention my own satisfaction because it is not my focal point right now. It would b nice though. Just not sure how I could manage it w/my current issues. I realize we need therapy, but we can't afford it right now (we need groceries). Wow, that's how bad it is. Signed Too Stressed For Sex

Dear Doctor Berman,

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We used to have a great sexual relationship until my younger son was born. I'm 48 years old, he's 43 years old. I have no sexual desire what so ever. We haven't had relations for probably 9 years now. We have tried a few times but unfortunately..... NOTHING!!! A few ideas I've had: My parents gave us the idea that sex was bad and now that I'm older, I think I unconsciously lean that way, I'm very conservative. I am overloaded with things to do and like on the show, would love for someone to make all the decisions for a day or more. I'd love a break! I could care less and prefer if I never had sex ever again. Please help as I know my husband is suffering from this decision. Thank you.

P.S. Maybe we should visit you in Chicago, IL

Signed, Please Help!!!

Dr. Berman, I am a 32 yr old woman, and have been in a relationship for 5 yrs with my 44yr old boyfriend. When we first got together like most couples we could not keep our hands off eachother. We would just make out for hours and have sex like rabbits. For the last few years it has been on the down fall. I want it all the time, and he can't be bothered. The last time we had sex was 6 months ago and prior to that was 8 months. How do we get back on track? The take control method, the seductive method and the flat out just begging doesn't seem work. I am a woman with needs and love him very much. And yes we have been to the doctors and he is healthy with no problems having an irrection. The desire for me just does not seem to be there. Please help I'm so frustrated. Thank you, Needing Love

Hi Dr. Berman! I am a 32 married mother of 1 child. My husband and I have been married for 7yrs but have been together for 14! My problem is that I never want to have sex and just have no desire. I am on birth control pills and I take a low dose of anxiety medicine and I have heard that both of thos can cause a decrease in your sex drive. So with that being said if that is true, how do I "get the desire" to want to have sex, back??!! I also have a very hard time having an orgasm. I have never had one from oral sex or from clitoral stimulation. Is it possible to have an orgasm from oral sex and clitoral stimulation(not at the same time) or does it just happen with some women and not all?! Also my clitoris is VERY sensitive, in fact I would say over sensitive to the point that if it is rubbed and stimulated to much it feels unbearable like it's to much to handle and I can't orgasm either....does that make sense??? I thought it was suppose to be easy to orgasm from clitoral stimulation, but not in my case. Please help, Dr. Berman!! I am very frustrated!

Hey Oprah, great show.. I always wanted to know what is the best vibrator to obtain an orgasm with your G-Spot......I use a vibrator to obtain an orgasm with my clitoris, I call it my silver bullet.. , so what is the best one to guarantee me an orgasm with my G-Spot

Thanks from New Brunswick Canada..