Its quite sad, that we kind of live in a microwave society. Buy now, pay later. We want the children to be the best. Push your way through life. Push and shove if you want to reach the top. Walk over people. It takes alot of effort to bring up children with manners. My son is 11 and my daughter is nearly 20. Both of them have the best manners. Both of them are extraordinary people. Both of them never ever got into trouble at school. They never bullied anyone. When you are a well mannered child you get picked on at school. So then you have to teach your children resilience. Our children are very spiritual and caring. They love people ,animals and the environment. Both got bullied,but our strong family support, eased them through any pain. May people today are self-absorbed and like to big note themselves. The ego is so large,yet their hearts are so small. If they could do more for the community and stop judging others as a means to feed their power status, maybe then,they could put themselves in someone elses shoes and learn about compassion. Unfortunately, technology has made society ruder also. We only just had internet put on. The children think its great. My young son, still chooses to read,draw, excercise than ask for the computer. He occasionally goes on, for limited periods. Our children love us. My son hugs and kisses me evey day and tells me i love my queen. He is just so adorable. We feel so blessed, that our children are polite, decent human beings, who are great little artists. They have a love of life, but most importantly a love so deep for their family. My son told me mum, i just feel so connected to you, i love you so much. These words, are just so priceless. Our children say the most beautiful things, and they really build your spirit so high. Its so wonderful to have love and respect and also manners. We are always complimented by teachers, when we go out to restaurants, the waiters and waitresses always tell us, how wonderful the children are and give them hugs. They say i wish all the children were like yours. When we go places, our children are always given free desserts, a piece of fruit. Life is good. We all just need to slow down, in the rat race and put family first. We havent been on a holiday, but we are trying to save. Its so exciting researching,places, working out an itenary,the cost, collect brochures. By the time we go,our children will just be beaming from ear to ear. They never ask for anything and make no demands. But when we finally go on a holiday, i know they will appreciate it, have lots of fun, and remember it for the rest of their lives. We are saving to go to Queensland gold coast Australia. We are in Victoria,Australia. Life is precious and so splendid. We need to treasure and guard our momments and spread our love and kindness to others. These cell phones are over rated. I had one, it broke down and i did not get another one. People need to realize that cell phones can give you brain cancer as well as be rude and annoying in restaurants and picture theatres when people use them. Why be obnoxious. People that are continually late to things are usually arrogant. Why be obnoxious. When we usually go out we have a great time and usually we crack jokes with the waiters, and we have a great time and so do they. We usually send a message to the chef if our meal was great. They really appreciate it. All in all, its a great night for all. Life is just so much better,slowing down and taking down the barriers. If we all stripped naked. We would all be the same, no designer labels. A design label does not make you nice. It can make you a little happier.

This is happening everywhere. Children are being brought up to spoilt, children get too much. When you see children from poor countries with nothing. When they see people or children they are always smiling and happy. They would be so happy to recieve a ball or a pencil and paper. They have so little, but are probably in some instances happier than children in Western societies. Our children are not spending quality time with parents. There are always too many children in child care or with nannies. Children really only want the love of their parents. Parents are their rocks. The safe place to fall. Parents make children feel important and special. i have found that children are being neglected more, parents are too busy working and get sressed, and usually are so tired that vege out at home. Its time for everyone to slow down, live on less and relax a little more. This will give you time to bring up your family. If eveyone did that,we wouldnt have problems with courtesy. People need to start up small. Hug each other daily and say Did i tell you how wonderful you are ? Children and adults all love praise. The best thing it costs nothing, but means the world. Come on people its not that hard. But remember, there are lots of people out there that have great manners and are very courteous. So thumbs up to you! frances from Australia.

This has nothing to do with children being raised by nannies and everything to do with rude parents raising rude kids. And this has been going on for generations. People should start with themselves and move on to their kids when they can model the example. I applaud Oprah for bringing this to light. I actually think some of it has a lot to do with immigration, language barriers, and lack of cultural awareness. Some people are not aware of what is considered "rude" in this country, and some people would consider what we think of as perfectly acceptable as unfathomably rude. Some people are from places (like New York City) where "if ya' snooze, ya' loose." And others are from places where it can take 20 minutes to get through an all-way stop sign intersection because everyone is busy deferring to the other drivers.

I don't think that bein from a poor country makes anyone more polite, just because they are happy to receive what so many of our kids take for granted. It has far more to do with the behavior they see acted out around them and what they mimic and eventually incorporate into their own behavioral standard. It hurts my heart to see my 6 month-old smile at people on the subway and have them frown at her or ignore her. She is learning from them that it is okay to meet friendliness and courtesy with disdain and dismissal. We just try as much as we can to be polite to each other and to give her all the positive reinforcement she can handle!

Pay it forward... it works both when doing good deeds and when dealing out the rudeness. MOST people wake up in the morning not intending to perform acts of rudeness throughout the day.

Example: You get in your car and someone cuts you off, and you get upset and ticked off at the rudeness of this driver. That person cut you off because the cashier was rude to that person at the 7-11 and was in a bad mood and didn't realize how close she came to causing an accident. The cashier was in a bad mood because a previous customer sneezed on his money before handing it over to her. And THAT person didn't care that he sneezed on his hand holding his cash because when he tried to call in sick to work, his boss told him to get his lazy ass to work or he would be fired.

It goes on and on. Am I rude? You betcha. I don't have the spiritual abilities to just take a deep breath and ignore an act of rudeness that falls into my lap. Anybody who can should be admired. I have a feeling that since so many people complain about other rude people, that not many people can really stop and ignore the rudeness and not pay the rudeness forward.

So how do we collectively stop the rudeness?

I wish I could say Americans are fed up Harpobear. If they are, they haven't spoken up until now unless its been done in more intimate settings. Rudeness and lack of manners seems to run especially rampant here in Las Vegas, whether people are locals or the tourists who come into town and help keep the economy going.

I can't tell you how many times I've been bowled over or smacked in the eye by some hand that shot out from its owner's body without looking, to point to something without a clue in the world that there are 4000 other people milling about while out and about in a casino, going to a show, or just walking around taking in the sites by people not paying attention to where they are going only to have them curse at me or give me a dirty look for their mistake. How does one politely then handle that matter? I've found that being silent is usually best. I was once on crutches in a casino, and was walked right into by someone a bit cocktailed who said to her friends "They shouldn't let BLEEPING cripples into the casinos." But one has to choose one's battles wisely and although the thought of my crutch connecting with her head was a bit entertaining, a look of disbelief to the entire group sufficed. But of course, it was met with an indignant look by them all.

Imagine my suprise when I was told I'm too polite because I've been known to say please and thank you to a server when ordering, when drinks are delivered, then food and then upon leaving the establishment. My response probably was rude and bit snitty to the person who said that to me when I replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't think good manners ever went out of style."

And driving here in Las Vegas is even worse with individuals being even more rude in their cars than they are outside of them. All I can determine regarding our society's rudeness seems to emanate from what I refer to as "the entitlement of America and its not my fault" syndrome. For whatever reason, we have cultivated a belief of entitlement coupled with no accountability for our actions which I firmly believe has led to bad behaviors and poor manners. Further, its also a sign of lack of respect; for others, for others' things, and worst of all, self.

No matter what my parents' issues and demons were and their inability to parent effectively or rather, their limited ability to parent effectively, one thing they did do, at least before mom died was to instill being gracious and having excellent manners.

Hopefully, Harpobear, that society does tire of the rudeness and lack of social graces and we can turn around this thinking and mindset that has impacted many of our ways of life.

Ciao,

Jimster

I say we collectively stop the rudeness one person at a time. We cannot change others, only ourselves. I learned to drive in Honolulu, Hawaii during the 1960's when folks in that city always yielded to other drivers. I practice that habit today, and have been a professional driver much of my working life. Courtesy and manners in driving is 80 percent of defensive driving.

Also try to allow people behind me in the grocery line to go ahead of me on a regular basis. It just adds more positive energy into the air. Have made my mistakes being rude, usually when fatigued or when an accumulation of rudeness and aggression towards me (as in being a cashier, one of two jobs, the other being school bus driver) peaks and my psyche draws a line.

Believe, however, that if everyone starts good manners with themselves most of the time, we can make the world a better place to live.

Have volunteered with the U.S. Dept. of Peace campaign, and addressing personal behavior is part of what the campaign is about. Personal behavior becomes collective behavior becomes national behavior becomes international behavior.

As a postscript, I quit school bus driving because as a former special ed school bus driver with better pay and health benefits, I found working as a general transportation school bus driver dealing with disrespectful, over-indulged children from all income levels to be extremely unrewarding financially and draining emotionally. As far as I am concerned, our youth should walk to school or be transported by their own parents if they are not willing to respect the driver and the property of the school bus! Transportation to school is NOT a privilege as many parents and youth seem to feel, it is a PRIVILEGE built on the backs of many underpaid and underappreciated school bus drivers who must commute FOUR TIMES to work each day to make sure these children are transported to school!

I'd say North America (excluding Canada) has a SERIOUS problem currently with humility, modesty, and restraint, three qualities taught by all major religions and prophets which are considered weaknesses in this U.S. culture and which are resulting in the economic, moral, and cultural demise of this nation.

Hello Halfmoon55,

Excellent words of advice. I am off to the supermarket now and I will use that positive outlook to do at least one act of kindness, and ignore any rudeness that comes my way, both in the store and on the road.

If anything interesting happens in my new quest to ingoring the rude and paying forward the niceness.

Thank you

Red Sox 28

Just as distressing to me is the fact that those who are rude don't seem to care when it's pointed out to them. To me, it's as much of a lack of caring as it is selfishness-- and that the lack of caring is linked to laziness more than anything else; people are disengaged from their own lives.

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A lot of times, when I see rude behavior from others (or accidently do it myself), I realize that the person is just zoned out in their own little word & not realizing how their actions are affecting others & are not consciously trying to be rude, they are just clueless. When I perceive someone being rude, I try to realize whether they did it on purpose or are just clueless, whether it REALLY affects me or is just momentarily annoying, & whether it really is worth saying something to the person. Many times, it is just not worth it. If its really blatantly rude & their behavior is affecting me, I will say something, but I know full well that the person, may not respond well to being called out on their behavior, especially when it is done on purpose.

Dear Oprah,

I am SO SO SO happy you are doing a show on this topic, particularly on waitstaff. I have been in the high end service industry now for just under 10 years. I started out in Dallas, TX (my hometown) and now live with my husband out in the sticks. Trust me, whether customers are spending $600 for dinner or $6, people are the same - rude, rude, rude. Now don't get me wrong, by a VAST majority people are wonderful and lovely to service industry employees. In fact it is not uncommon to develop personal relationships with guests. However, the nastiness of some guests can truly be apalling. In general (although false) class is equated to income. There are many, many people whole bring in UNIMAGINABLE incomes who truly are the basesed of people in character. It would be so fantastic for every American to spend some time SERVING - be it volunteering, the service industry itself, or simply get a view of what really goes on behind the scenes. I would say that most service industry employees CHOSE to be working and SERVING people. I certainly have had a great time taking care of the average middle class family just as much as billionaire business men. Please do a show all about the service industry!!

well said , halfmoon 55. I agree with everything you say. , I was a schoolteacher for 20 years. My husband was also a bus driver himself. If everyone started with themselves, like you said, just making a difference to someone elses day. Like ,i smile alot when i walk down the street, say hi to elderly people, let people past me also in the supermarket. Some people are a little taken aback,but it puts a smile on their faces. Yes , i agree with the rudeness of some of the youth. Too many of the children have to spend time bringing up themselves. Where are the parents? I drive my children to school. Sometimes they walk. I mentioned earlier, there are too many children in childcare for too long, and there are too many parents who are not spending quality time with their children. This is a known fact. If a child goes to childcare all their lives from the time they are 3 months old,tell me would they get the same love as a mother at home? I have found after years of teaching, society has changed, more children spend less and less time with their parents. Our children are getting angry. For those out there that misinterpret. No i am not saying childcare and nannies are the problem, but they do contribute to the problem in some way. I have seen wealthy mothers who have a nanny, or put their baby in childcare for 3 days or so , so they can have their nails done or play tennis. Okay maybe half or one day, i could agree on, but some parents out there need to think of themselves less and more of their children. Bus drivers have a hard job. Most of the children loved my husband. He was a counsellor to so many children, who would tell him things as they were so devasted about their families. I applaude bus drivers and the compassion they have for people. You are so right about the lack of humility,modesty and restraint. After all is said and done, it will have to get better.If it got any worse we would have societal collapse. I wish you all the best. It great having this site. I am an oprah fan from way back, but the first time ive had internet in 8 years. Internet is great when used for the right purpose. My children never went to kindergarten or childcare. My mother helped me raise them. She is the only woman i would trust and we love her so. Our children spent their kindergarten going to zoos, art galleries, farms learning about farm animals and getting one on one from a farmer or guide. We spent so much time at the beach and the library was a great asset to us. Our librarians were always so helpful. We went to see childrens shows, swimming pools. My mother and i were my childrens teachers. We went on environment walks. I must admit my precious time with my children was such a happy time for all of us. People thought i was strange not sending them to kindergarten. But when my daughter started school, she was way ahead of the other children. She could read and write in preps and could write music. Most of all i spent time teaching them all about art and music and the children had a ball. They also have the best manners at school. Most important to me our children know that they are loved and they are the most important to us, and thats all that matters. Now with whats happening in America things are going to be so hard for so many people. I hope and pray we all look after each other and our neighbours. Wishing you the best day, lets hope the rudeness one person at a time works. Its already started. Keep smiling and happy days frances from Australia.

I recently had a rudeness problem with a friend. She admits she's rude and doesn't want to change. She says we need to just accept her as she is and says she is only rude to those who are closest to her. What's interesting is I'm the only one who is saying I won't put up with me or my friends being treated in that manner. I'm more offended when my friends are treated rudely than they are. I think everyone deserves respect, especially those closest to you. I like to think that most public rudeness is unintentional or at the very most because people are too busy and don't notice the other people around them but that may be wishful thinking.

DEAR OPRAH;

I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE THE TRAINS WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THERE IS ALWAYS SOME MAN WITH HIS LEGS CROSSED AND THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOES IN THE AISLE AND HE DOES NOT MOVE HIS LEG WHEN YOU WALK PAST, IF YOU HAVE ON WHITE PANTS AND HE JUST STEPPED IN SOMETHING GUESS WHAT SORRY JUST DO NOT CUT IT.I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH LEG CROSSING ON THE TRAIN I 'D LIKE TO BE THE CATALYST OR LOBBY FOR ILLEGAL LEG-CROSSING ON THE TRAIN,IF I AM SITTING IN A TWO SEATER AN YOU CROSS YOUR LEG I DO NOT WANT YOU FEET TOUCHING ME IF THE TRAIN JERKS WHICH IT DOES.I HAD ONE WOMAN START MASSAGING HER FEET AHH THE FUNK I AM THINKING IS SHE IMMUNED TO THAT STANK?

YOURS TRULY KATHY

My Grandmother was a career waitress, so I grew up to respect wait staff. With that said, a gratuity is just that, a gratuity. If my service is poor, and we all know that happens, why should poor service be rewarded?

In general, I over tip because I understand the job. But, if the server is bad, and I don't mean the food, my tip will reflect that service.

I agree 1000%!! My parents owned a restaurant for 15 yrs, and I was pretty much raised and worked in that environment for a good protion of my life. The waiter on Oprah's show had a very cocky attitude! As an owner and waiter, to be successful, you have got to buy into the mind set the customer is alsways right!! So what if a customer wants a different table, you honor their request! He acted like the customer should accomodate the restaurant. WRONG! Alec Baldwin may have accepted that bad table, but I guarantee he didn't go back there. And one more thing, if you as waiter, expect a 20% tip you won't get one! You chose that job and you have to earn what you make.