Dear Kath,
You posted an interesting subject that I would like to expand on, I myself have 1 son who is 15, his mother (R.I.P) died when he was 2 and I have brought him up by myself (Unfortulently I have not been able to bring myself to finding new love.). My son James, is my life, without him I would be nothing, what you have posted makes me feel sickened inside. I would never dream of restricting my son from doing what he wants to do, NEVER! Of course within reason. But to ban him from social network websites and instant messaging? You must have no faith in your son at all, of course he was going to be looking at sex websites, every 14 year old does. I was taught sex education when i was 11 years old, this doesn't mean I went out and tried to fornicate with every woman i laid my eyes on? Just because your son wants to look at porn doesn't mean he is going go out and knock a girl up the duff? If you trust your son enough (Which you obviously don't as you are restricting from him what is possibly the biggest trend for their generation.) then you should feel comfortable with letting him browse what he wants when he wants. Just because you hear about these pedophiles, doesn't mean he is going to be targeted and attacked as there is a VERY VERY slim chance of it happening. Also have you heard of internet restrictions? You claim to be wise about these things but did you know you can set what websites he can and can't see? Did you also know that the EVER popular myspace doesn't allow people older than 16 to view a users page who are under 16? Of course this can be bypassed but you would have to go to extreme effort. I honestly feel sickened by the way you think you have ultimate control over your son. Your son may be your son, but that doesn't mean you own him, you do not posses ultimate power over him, you are his guardian. Be grateful for what you have got, you are blessed with children, do not try and make them into something they are not.

You honestly have made me feel sick and worried that there is more parents like you out there.

I hope you are happy with your self.

David.

To Kath,

I was in the same situation not too long ago with my sons who instead of using a PSP used the Nintendo Wii to view web pages containing erotic material.

You shouldn't really deny your son access to this contraband as its part of growing up. Before you know it he will be masturbating (if not already) and hiding his "happy rags" under his matress or inside his pillow case.

You should be proud your son is viewing naked women instead of naked men. That's a whole problem in itself. Imagine the awkwardsness of that.

There are some tools you can use to block out this access, such as a restricted web page tool on your router depending how advanced it can get. I have a WRT54G and these are amazing routers which provide this functionality. For your PC you can get some "NetNanny" tools which can filter out these web pages. All I can see is be thankful that the PSP has too little memory to allow the watching of video without the use of a PC.

Porn is only the child's way of experimenting on their sexuality. When I was a little younger, around 15 (I am 20 now, soon turning 21), my parents never forbade me from looking at pornography, and what do you know ? I turned out to be alright. There is no reason to lock your children away from the internet in somekind of blind fear that if they see porn they will be forever ruined, quite the opposite in fact, they'll learn much more about sex that way than they will ever learn from you. If I ever have a child, I will be sure to let him know that there are things like these on the internet and that he's responsible if he decides to view that material, of course I will also add that there is nothing bad in watching it, along with that he shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Oh and, be glad that they're not "testing themselves out" on the street, if you know what I mean.

Dear Kath,

That is a VERY normal age to start looking at porn. Boys are very interested in sex and their sexuality. Your kid is normal, stop trying to baby him. Would you rather him look at naked girls and watch people have sex on the internet, or do it for real?

I see others have already posted but to reaffirm them. Porn as a young man is pretty much a fact of life. I really think this is more of a father's domain in deciding upon. He knows the vast gobs of hormones that a boy deals with in puberty and experimentation with one's body are a key part of that. If he says that it is all really bad or satanic then he clearly does not remember his teenage years or he is of the very few who did not have to deal with those urges.

Either way, allow him to do what he pleases he needs that knowledge, he is learning for himself, but if it will make you feel better put on a program for the computor that will record the pages he goes to. This will: A. deter him from looking (it is reeeeealy awkward knowing your mother is seeing the things you are looking at in the way of porn...) and B. let you keep track of what he is veiwing. So long as he does not start posting pictures of himself I would have to deem your boy, just that, a boy. A teenage boy.

Hope I was able to be of help.

hi there:

I too was in the same situation as you. Just this summer I found out that my son was looking at Youtube, and found some videos on that site that contains graphic materials... I was disgusted by this because he was printing them out and keeping these pictures in his room. When I found them and confronted him, he was sorry and felt bad that he knew he was doing something wrong but he did not know how to stop. Well I took the computer from him for 6 months. He was only allowed to use Word for homework assignments and I needed to be in the same room at the time he was using the computer, otherwise he was NOT allowed to use it.

I do not think that anybody should be looking at porn, let alone a 13 year old. I am sorry but what happened to playing board games and keeping entertained by reading a book. Okay, he may masturbate, but does he really need PORN sites with XXX rated graphic materials. To all the other parents that disagree with you on this chat, I am sorry but what if it was your daughters in these videos or what if it is your daughters looking at these sites, would you still feel the same way.

I just found our fifteen year old son's blackberry phone bill online. He's managed 17,889 texts, Internet data usage: 38,977 kb/mb, 2,500 phone minutes in one month. We have always talked openly with our son concerning masterbation. It is absolutely natural. I also agree that a Playboy magazine can be harmless. BUT......chronic viewing of images/video of smut, perversive sex acts and texting all hours of the day for months is not normal, people! WAKE UP! We thought we had done all the right things.....my husband maintains that he absolutely had faith and trust in our son to make the right decisions when faced with life's challenges. We believed he was sleeping when his door was closed, we believed he was just 'having fun' with the guys & gals on xbox live, we respected him enough NOT to check his cell phone and without doubt, believed he was just texting friends throughout the day. We actually thought it was good for him to keep in touch with so many 'buddies'.

We could not have been more wrong. For the last four months, our son developed an entire network of sex chat friends who called him on his personal cell phone. We called their numbers and they readily admitted they knew he was fifteen and they didn't care. All our son had to do was list a fictitious birth date and he was allowed 'in' the domain of "Intimate Connections", a world made just for young people looking to play, to flirt, to tell us their wildest fantasies". Reply to me and I will send you their phone numbers. We found he placed the calls from our house phone after we took away his blackberry. Of course, that was the last straw. He has no access to technology and cannot foresee him ever having a cell nor an xbox again. He will not be allowed in anyone else's home who has access to the internet. We thought our kid was balancing his life wonderfully....we even texted a couple times in school when he needed us for this or that. We will no longer have the luxury of 'feeling close' and 'really connected' to our son.

All of you think we are mean, evil parents, don't you? Well, we were the kind of parents who trusted our son and look what happened? He is just not curious, all of this goes beyond natural boyhood curiosities. We feel betrayed & manipulated by our son. He spent every other minute, every single day in school texting, throughout the evening as he played xbox, through the night as we all slept in our beds. He has spent enormous time & energy with this fast-growing activity, so he can very well start volunteering in our community and begin making a difference in this world. We no longer have the luxury of being cool parents, of never doubting our son's words. What fools we must be to all his friends he sent these pictures/texts out to. How stupid were we in being so permissive and believing our son's explanations.

Our son's response to being 'found out' was: " I don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't drink, don't have sex & maintain all "A"s in school, so what's the big deal??" If he has to ask that then he has affirmed to us he is not nearly as mature as we thought.

I can't imagine his 'activity' going away. His craving is not gone nor how could it be? There are hundreds of contacts on his phone bill, numerous at his own school. The girls are exchanging sex shots of themselves to boys & they are spreading them along to their friends like wildfire. I feel strongly about calling these kids' parents and letting them know what we've found and allow them the chance to confront their own kids if they so choose.

Looking ahead, we will keep him busy, working hard cutting firewood, riding his dirtbike when the whole family rides, participate with us when we play games at home (instead of slipping off to his room). He will go back to paritipating in sports and school activities. THere is nothing wrong with sex or nudity, but what he did crossed every line. I admit it's hard not to be bitter but he is not treated with disdain, he is accepted and loved for who he is. He's a wonderful child and is always fun to be around. We've made it clear we love him no less. Yes, we are extremely disappointed in him but it will take a long time to rebuild our trust.

All of you think we are mean, evil parents, don't you? Well, we were the kind of parents who trusted our son and look what happened? He is just not curious, all of this goes beyond natural boyhood curiosities. We feel betrayed & manipulated by our son. He spent every other minute, every single day in school texting, throughout the evening as he played xbox, through the night as we all slept in our beds. He has spent enormous time & energy with this fast-growing activity, so he can very well start volunteering in our community and begin making a difference in this world. We no longer have the luxury of being cool parents, of never doubting our son's words. What fools we must be to all his friends he sent these pictures/texts out to. How stupid were we in being so permissive and believing our son's explanations.

This paragraph makes it seem more about how it all affected you, more than your son. Stating his actions were excessive may have been enough for him to realize. Many children go through an excessive stage; eating, not eating, drinking, drugs, sex, reading, on-line games, etc. Most tend to get over it with the love and care of a parent/parents.

Sounds like you have an amazing son, who made one poor choice. May you be so lucky.

Dulcette

In my eyes, you are an evil person....I myself am 14 and cannot live without porn...I whatch it every day and night. There is no doubt that your son masturbates to it. Your son is totally normal...i have done research on this stuff to see how many guys my age do this because i was worried i was the only one...ive asked my friends to. Almost every more mature boy at this age whatches porn. Oh and dont even think that you will evade this...there is no stopping the viewing of porn if you are truly motivated. You can clear the history on ccomputers. I recently got the new ipod touch and guess what! Internet on it! If you really try to remove porn from your sons life, he might become miserable and then go out and have sex and get some girl pregneant!