I am not one to not talk with a boyfriend about sex in marriage. I think you know when a man is trying to control you whether the relationship is platonic or not. If you are fighting all the time you need counseling when married but for goodness sake why marry a man that would be controlling, rude, verbally or physically abusive with you. If the man you are with is not one that you want in your bed or you can imagine sleeping with , do not bother going down that road. You have to be in control of your own bodies and see yourselves and sex in a positive way. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you have no desire for the man why marry him? Gross.it is not the prudish repressed 1950s any longer, I can not believe what I am reading.

I am sorry but you have brought much needed levity to a badly needed respite from a very difficult heavy topic. I advice all men to do fun things like taking women to museums, to parks, to the zoo,the library,movies things that require that he not treat her like his wife.I mean I do not expect my male friends to buy me wardrobes, take me on trips and treat me like we are married. I make my own money and I have taken it with me on dates and gone dutch so there is no misunderstanding. I hate women that use men they are no better than hookers to me.If a man wants a hooker he can hire one, they charge varying rates and he understands that she will have sex with him for a price.

If an alleged victim is making a false allegation of rape that can literally destroy the future relationships of a man then she should face charges and jail time. I can think of no allegation more damaging then a liar crying rape. Men should not have to suffer that goodness enough of us think they are creeps in the first place.

Do people realise the Duke lacross players were innocent. The woman, stripper that alleged rape had done the same thing to a group of black men years before. She needed to be jailed the first time.I think the media failed to really air her history of making false allegations.

For Jewish women they can contact their local Jewish federation for any help in this area. Muslim women can go through their imams for crisis support.I mention religion because marriage as an institution is viewed differently within Judaism and Islam. Women need the support of other women who may have experienced the exact thing but also who are of the same faith so they do not feel so alone.The act of rape and violence is the same but how it is approached within varying faiths maybe very different.

You got your message across.But please!! leave gods name out of it

My mother was raped by my father. They had a commonlaw marriage. Rape can happen in any circumstance. It's about power and control, not about marriage or love.

I am sorry that your mother experienced that at your father's hands by rape is a savage crime of violence. There is nothing about rape which is loving. Rape is enumerated as a war crime in international law. No man has the right to force himself on a woman. There is no justification for such violence.There is nothing loving about rape.

ok I have just found this thread for the first time and i am trying to read all of this to catch up...but i want to say that i am floored that you would even use scripture in this manner to say that it is ok for a husband to request sex whenever he wants. yes man and woman become one in flesh...but that does not mean that a husband can ever force himself on the wife. you said it yourself the husband should love his wife as christ loved the church, which means selfless acts and sacrifice. these scriptures are not a free pass to as much forced sex as you want....these scriptures speak about the love, initimacy, respect that is shown and given in a marriage. if you are going to use scripture PLEASE use them correctly!

For lack of better word Sir, you have to be a man to say that. Let me educate you on rape, sex and love. Love: is when two consenting adults make love (which includes sexual intercourse). Sex: is when two consenting adults want to fullfill their sexual needs. Rape is a VIOLENT crime, and YES a wife can be raped by her HUSBAND. It is obvious that you have never been raped or molested or sexually abused, therefor, if you dont understand "get on the net and do some research" instead of insulting the victim and showing how ignorant you and many other people are in regards to sex crimes.

My daughter was the victim of spousal rape/abuse, her story was on the cover of the Chicago Tribune in Nov 11, 2008.

You may read her story by going to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website or at the Chicago Tribune.

Regan Martin, survivor and subject of a blog post we featured a few weeks ago dealing with GPS tracking written by her mother Cherry Simpson. This is a follow up to that story and reveals new developments in her case, entitled "Hope, Help,and Heartfelt Thanks"

Rape victims are often subject to concerted ostracizing, disbelief, and
blame. No other crime cries out more for justice. The outrage of rape
to the victim and society goes deeper than physical violence. Rape
violates and degrades the human right to self determination on the most
intimate level.

Why are so few rape cases prosecuted? No victim
is easier to make go away than a rape victim. Instead of protesting
system mistreatment, most rape victims are so mortified and wounded by
the additional trauma of being re-victimized by the people who are
supposed to help, they retreat. the victim is mistreated by officials,
the victim understandably retreats from the process, and the officials
smugly bellow, "See, how uncooperative these rape victims are."

I am very proud of my daughter and her willingness to help others find their voice.

Spousal Rape Laws Continue to Evolve

Run Date: 07/01/09
By Caroline Johnston Polisi, WeNews commentator

+Remnants
of the "marital rape exemption" still exist in many states' laws, even
though all 50 states now criminalize spousal rape. Plea bargains can
also lead to more lenient sentencing. Caroline Johnston Polisi looks at
how these laws have changed.+

(*WOMENSENEWS*) Article entitled "Spousal Rape Laws Continue to Evolve" my daughter is working with Illinois Congresswoman Debbie Halvorson on a bill which would stop DA's from plea bargaining out of the sex crime status when there is a written confession, physical and forensic evidence and the victim's cooperation.

A mother's point of view on plea bargaining the crime of rape

The crime of rape can never be the subject of ‘plea bargaining’. Rape is rape and there is nothing in between.

Murder may be reduced to manslaughter, rape is uniquely rape. Either it is rape or nothing. Unlike other crimes of violence, mitigating defenses such as provocation, lack of intent, or a mistaken belief in the woman’s consent are not available in cases of rape.

The crime is by itself sufficiently horrendous to deprive it of ‘mitigating circumstances’.

Regan's assailant reported his crime of rape to the police. He tried to preemptively spin the rape into an acceptable sexual desire of a husband but his language and reasoning gave him away. He confesses in his statement to the police that he turned her over, handcuffed her and forced her to have sex with him all the while she is screaming "NO!". He only let her out of the handcuffs because she screamed so loudly he was afraid someone would hear her.

Because he was allowed to plea out of the sex crime status the seriousness of his crime is now being withheld from the judge, in subsequent cases of him violating order of protection, and stalking, information relevant to appropriate punishment in all new cases is now tainted. (Viol OP 5 times)

I've read all the reasoning there is on plea-bargaining. I understand it can be a useful tool in some cases. But criminal sexual assault should never be plea bargained. Doing so is allowing sexual predators to get away with their crimes and they will continue to victimize others. The criminal himself is now justified that his behavior was acceptable.

Rape is rape and there is nothing in between. Especially when you have a confession, evidence and victim cooperation. Rape is not sexual in nature my daughter's medical exam will attest to that. She was severely beaten. Rape is an act of criminal violence of the worst kind.

Why then plea bargain? To lesson the load in the courts? How is that justice? My daughter is still in the courts 3 yrs later. If he had been given the sentence he deserved any additional criminal acts have not been able to see his true criminal history. Instead this plea bargaining has enabled this criminal in continuing his reign of terror even from behind bars.

I'm not a lawyer, I'm just a Mom and Nana. I want women and children to be protected as they should be, they are our greatest God given treasures, they are not to be not ignored and sacrificed for judicial expediency and financial reasons.

If some people think that marriage is a license to have sex anytime with the spouse, regardless if the other person wants it, then those people therapy big time. Then people wonder why divorce rates are at 50%. Not everyone thinks marriage is only about legally reproducing (Thank God).

Marriage does not mean you can have sex any time you want it. There are circumstances why women can't have sex at the drop of a hat, such as pregnacy, just giving birth, tiredness. Men need to be considerate.

At the same time I can not condoning women who purposefully with hold sex from their husbands, for example to punish them tiding up the house.

At the end of the day if a woman says 'NO' and a guy violates her wishes it is legally rape, and she has every right to take him to court.