The Revolution Starts Here!

I once found a photo of my grandmother, a woman I loved gently and warmly, a woman I associated with soft hugs and consistent discipline, who had a cupboard full of all the sugary cereals we didn't have at home. She let us get the prize out of the cereal box when we opened it, she made the best cinnamon buns, pancakes and fish and chips EVER. On the back of the photo, she'd written to her sister a note about the fact that she was still carrying too much weight and that HURT MY HEART to think that a woman I loved so much viewed herself that way.

At nearly 41, I am tired of not being thin enough. At 5'9" tall and 163 pounds, I've been lifting serious weights for 15 years and dammit, this is as good as it gets when I love food as much as I do.

Enough is enough. I pledge today to be gentler with myself. And to stop having conversations with friends complaining about not being thin enough. Maybe the diet I really need is a complaining diet. No complaining may equal more action (in the form of less chocolate - at the least it could help me be less self critical). Because really, am I the only one who indulges with friends in the "oh, I wish I could just lose 15 pounds," or "ugh, all the clothes I bought last year don't fit because I gained 10 pounds," and then I hear back from whatever friend I'm talking to about their weight/clothes woes?

I am wearing a skirt today that makes my legs look fabulous. I went to the gym this a.m. and worked my body HARD for 1/2 hour on weights and I'm going for a one-hour walk today to move this wonderful, healthy, fit, capable body and give it the sunshine and air and love it deserves. I eat mostly healthy choices and a good proportion too of unhealthy, not so nutritious choices, but it's enough.

And that means that on the days when I'm not active, that's enough too. Because I'll still be fit and healthy and funny and sexy and ENOUGH.

I was thinking about this just the other day. I thought to myself how long I have been criticizing myself on not being thin enough and constantly trying to lose more weight and more weight. When in reality, I am totally fine where I am. I have spent so many years, months and weeks thinking only about that and as Oprah said "eating everything until the next diet (on Monday)", that is exactly what I did to myself too.

I had a wonderful "aha" moment when I read Oprah's " What I Know for Sure" for this month and I feel amazingly better, more confident and free. Thank you Oprah, I finally realized what I was doing to myself. I am also going to print Mariann's saying and post it on my bulletin board, at home and in my office and look at it every day. I feel great and I hope all of you read her article this month. Have a wonderful, renewed experience!

I am pledging to be gentler and kinder to myself and to work on embracing every part of me exactly as it is.

I will say that Oprah only features 'socially attractive' guests and that I have never been able to identify with any of them on a physical level which has served only to perpetuate the illusion of myself.

The media, including the Oprah show, do perpetuate the myth of youthfulness and the ability to stay youthful looking forever.

Despite this, I will make my own efforts to love me for who I am exactly as I am.

Darn right there's a revolution upon us and it has been stirring in the pot for quite sometime. Yes, let's bring to the surface, open it wide for all to acknowledge whole heartedly. I just read the new O and I have to say it's such great timing in my life. I have been looking for the perfect venue to speak out loud, share and inspire others with my story. Maybe this is where I can start. there is no local "supprt" group in my area for those with eating disorders. I feel I need an audience that wants to reached out to and welcomes the experience of others, even may I say, novices. Us that have come across something that's like "wow" and "I goota pass this forward!"

This is what I've got to give.....

I am an art model. I have also survived bulimia. Fully, completely and all on my own.

When I model, I am nude. And I love every single moment of it.

I am a size 12, weigh more than 150. I am curvaceous...what they call a baroque... there is nothing stingy about me.

Artwork of me sells in galleries, varies from drawings to huge paintings. I model for amatuers and professionals.

I love my body and modeling was the healing I needed to wipe clean myself of body image issues and eating disorder tendencies.

The human body, including mine, yours, is incredible. I am so glad I have one!!!

I could go on and on...just wanted to put that out there and see who I can inspire.

Thanks so much for the space to give in, Hillary

I was just checking out some of the information on the Oprah site tonite and came across the "Revolution". WOW, honestly, couldn't bring myself to print and sign it tonite but am so aware that the entire bookshelf i have sitting next to me containing every imaginiable book to be better to your self has not been the "trick" so far. I am still reading and doing the workbook for New Earth, which i love yet the many as we say...AHA moments, still are not eneough to keep me moving in what i know to be a healhier direction. Turning 50 has been much more than i ever imagined and when i had 25 to 30 lbs to lose now i have even more. I am actually taking a couple days off from work this week and the "PLAN" is me time and without a schedule, get to the gym and eat healthy for 4 days in row and hopefully create a desire to work it back into my work schedule. Crazy thing is i am a massage therapist and could provide any and all of you with the best tools and healthy "self talk" and any motivation needed.......I WILL print and sign the Revolution this weekend!! During one of the New Earth discussions, someone asked how you now if you are doing the right thing and on the right path and the answer was you are in the right place wherever you are and on the right path simply because you are where you are!! So, what i know for sure is my path may appear to be a struggle and been a long time in coming but i am always receiving information that grows me so to speak and i am IN the plan! I have much to share and that seems to be the path for now. I am grateful!

I have been watching people lately, their attitudes, their behaviors and their responses to others and I then looked into my soul and I was so surprised at how much I had change, and it was not for the good. I have been through so many unfavorable events in the past six month and I have let the circumstances take over me. I was reading the many messages posted on this site and I also decided that enough was enough. I have a weight problem but at 46, 4 children and a full time job, and going to school, I rather read to get quiet time, or garden than exercise. I have let circumstances that are out of my control posses me, when in fact I like who I am, as of today I will remember to be kinder to myself.

When my O magazine arrived this month the cover was so compelling that I immediately opened it and looked for where the article on "The Revolution" began.

And then I went right to my computer to sign up - but alas! It was too soon. And now I am signed up!

The concern about "looks" "thinness" "fashion" have plagued me since I was young. I have long contemplated the paradox of what I have seen in magazines, since I began reading Teen and Seventeen, and then progressed to Glamour, and more "adult" women's magazines.Thinking back, all of these magazines were actually quite similar! Twiggy was the look when I was in highschool - and not much has changed since then.

And I have read hundreds, or maybe thousands, of articles on loving myself the way I am. Articles that stated quite clearly that skinny anorexic models were on their way out - well, I am still waiting for someone to show them the door. Articles stating that "natural" was the best look, alongside of pages and pages of advertising and articles on the latest, newest make-up, hair, and body products. Articles on how inner beauty is all we need, and it will radiate like the aurora borealis from our being. Alongside of articles on botox, laser surgery, liposuction, toe reduction, and major surgery for a face lift.

So what is the message here? Can anybody answer this? Love and accept the way you look, BUT.....

Yet I am certainly willing to try this approach! And it comes at such a "right" time for me. I am 59 years old, married, with grown children and grandchildren. I live in Maryland where I work as a university professor. All the right things. A year ago I was diagnosed with a lung disease that is chronic and progressive. To treat the disease I have been on high dose steroids, for a year now. OK - I have the face, the shoulders, and all the weight gain. My skin has become blotchy; my hair is falling out. And I was never "happy" about the way I looked to begin with.

I need some serious help! My mantra since I was a young girl was and still is I am "stupid, fat and ugly." My mother felt this was a fitting description and I well-internalized it. Even though I can look at old pictures of myself, and see that I was not ugly. I was actually rather stunning in my 30s and 40s; cute in my teens and 20s. Fat? I was hospitalized for anorexia at age 39 weighing 89 pounds (5' 2"). Most of my adult life I have worn a size 2 or 4. And stupid? Well I do have a doctorate in information science. But I can't or won't loose this mantra. And now that I really am fat, and actually not very attractive by conventional standards, I am at such a loss.

I want to cover all the mirrors in the house. I am in a perpetual state of feeling sluggish, weighty, and tired. Now a lot of this is due to the lung disease and to taking steroids. But there has to be a better way to view myself. I am looking for acceptance of who I am, how I look. I get it from everyone but myself. I like the words on the "pledge" and am willing to be open to change.

• I love my life and am grateful every morning I wake up - I just need to add my self to the love" portion!

Adopted in the 60's at the age of 4, and when adoption guidelines were pretty loose, my mother cut all my hair off short in fear I would be stolen back. She was very masculine and wore my fathers work pants and shirts and I can remember wondering why she had "Hank" on her shirt. This of course was his name embroidered above his pocket. As I grew, and very quickly, (I was 5 ' 6" tall in the 5th grade.), my mother insisted I was still growing and anything she purchased, she bought so I would "grow into it." Because of our financial situation, she also took everyone's hand-me-downs, aunts, grandmothers, others her age, and would make me wear them. I looked and felt insecure, scared, and slouched hoping to hide and not be laughed at, and pointed out by the "cute girls" Further, because I was the tallest in my class, I was often called upon to pull down the screen for reel to reels, or programs in the classroom. My heart would race and I would start to panic as I slowly approached chalkboard to pull down the projector screen. All the girls were wearing go-go boots and I was in hush puppies from my great aunt. Quickly, I began to realize that my mother, although unfashionable, did not like seeing holes or buttons missing, so I began to cut buttons off and make holes in the garments I hated. Then I had a dream one night. I had long hair, dressed in a white pant suit with go-go boots and was on my way to Paris. When I woke up, I told myself I would work and do whatever it took to become the person I was inside and not what others tried to make me. I started babysitting, mowed lawns, cleaned apartments, even rode my bike 15 miles to work at a Holiday Inn and cleaned rooms. Saving up all my hard earned cash, I then would go on shopping sprees before school would start in the Fall and buy my wardrobe. No more hand me downs for me and no more hiding in the shadows. Although I always carried the sense that I didn't belong, to a family, to a group at school, to anyone, and felt alienated by my appearance, everything changed for me when I decided to be me and not believe what others thought or said about me. Now, I am in my 50's and when I look in the mirror, I try and look beyond the outside and thank the Universe for giving me all the opportunities in my life to be ALIVE.

First of all, in the June issue, it says, "How Do We Look?" at the bottom of the page. I think all of the women are stunning. I can look at nearly anyone--female or male--and find something attractive about them. Unfortunately I can't seem to do it for myself. Oh, I have my moments, when I think, "I'm not too horrible," but most of the time I think I'm hideous and people are just being polite.

A couple of years ago I lost thirty pounds because I stopped eating due to some emotional stress. The compliments--particularly from my female family members--came rolling in, even from people who knew that I'd lost the weight due to a mental problem. The worst part was when they each said (with relief), "Oh, you had gotten so BIG." I weighed 175 at my heaviest, and I'm terrified about gaining weight.

The weight isn't even my main issue, though. Today I noticed some excess skin on my neck when I turn my head, and made a mental note not to turn that way anymore. Tomorrow it might be my stretch marks, sagging breasts, stubby fingers, acne, ugly legs, body hair, tummy roll, my squarish behind, my less-than-white teeth, the fact that my earring holes seem too big. I just never know.

I used to not be like this. I'm 31, and I considered myself to be beautiful until I was 27. The past four years have been a hell where I've watched friendships disintegrate, my sense of self-worth evaporate, and my sex drive disappear. All because I dislike my appearance, even though I believe my body is just a temporary container for my spirit.

No one really knows this about me. People probably suspect something's amiss (when I turn my whole body instead of my neck, perhaps) but I keep it close. It affects me all day, every day. I also think that, no matter how I try to hide it, it is going to shape the way my two daughters see themselves.

I'm in therapy. I'd do nearly anything to get around it. I really hope that this thing Oprah is doing helps, even a little. I wonder sometimes what I could accomplish if I didn't worry about how I look.

We all struggle with feelings of inferiority that run the gamut of every human fraility - but I finally came to realize that life is too short to be full of SELF-LOATHING and it leaves you with no room for loving yourself, much less others. I know by his comments, Eckhart, did not feel very good-looking but he was BEAUTIFUL...........Thank You!

Well for heaven's sakes I said I was wearin' my own beads already!!

I'm the bestest looking woman in the room (when I'm home alone with the curtains drawn). Okay seriously, my mother raised me and my sisters to grow up and be barbie dolls and or stepford wives, but because we girls are all as defiant as all get out we all rebelled in one way or another. Our mother is in her seventies; the poor thing is bitter and angry at age and has become more obsessive than ever about what she wears and how she looks, when all any of us daughters want from her is just a bit of her time, which we agree amongst ourselves will never happen.

It isn't so much what I think of my looks, cause I'm usually not looking at myself as much as I am everybody else, it's what other women like my mom have to say to my face and behind my back that is more irritating. I learned through my faith walk and recently through Eckhart's affirmations that I really am on track with my perspective of my image. I'm not perfect but I love being me. I am blessed with being comfortable in my own skin.

I was introduced to the reality of life and death at an early age, that is partly why I'm just glad to be here, wrinkles, and all.

My grandmother was a rare woman. Her nonjudgmental attitude was a steady comfort to me especially when as an adolescent all my imperfections seemed magnified and unbearable. She helped me learn to accept myself and left me the following legacy: her wit, compassion, integrity and ... the infamous Bergman thighs.

Now, I’m not complaining. In fact, I believe I’ve made my peace with these legs. They’ve taken me on breathtaking hikes, swam me close to sea turtles and run me off a hill into the air with a hang glider. They’re ok by me. (Remind me I said that the next time I’m faced with a Victoria’s Secret ad.)

My personal quest to shift women’s attitudes about beauty and worth began about eight years ago. I started to notice that all of the adolescent girls I knew unfailingly expressed dissatisfaction with their bodies. Their boobs were too big (or too small). Their hair was too curly (or too straight). And of course, they were all definitely too fat. This preoccupation and negative self-perception became so disturbing to me that I felt I had to DO something.

I established a non profit organization called Emerging Women Projects and began teaching media literacy. Searching to create an empowering outlet, I asked girls to design signs with positive messages to help counteract all the negative ones they face every day. The slogans they invented were clever and inspired: “Remember, Barbie is plastic”, “Enjoy life with the Real You!”, “Worry about the size of your heart, not the size of your body”.

To make social change impact, we needed to get these messages out to other girls. In a middle-of-the-night brainstorm, I realized where they could do the most good: on Women’s Dressing Room mirrors! Thus, “The Dressing Room Project” was born.

I’m new to these forums, and I’m not sure why my previous post was removed (perhaps because it had the web site listed? or maybe it sounded like an advertisement - not my intention) so I’ll just invite you to find us on the internet.

In Sisterhood,
*Mimi

I truly believe that much of what we as women need from ourselves comes down to one simple word: Kindness. We truly and desperately need to be more kind towards ourselves.

I grew up with the Biblical principle of "Love thy neighbor as thyself". Unfortunately, like all to many others, I left off that "as thyself" part and set about overloving everyone around me and underloving myself. That lack of balance was nearly my complete undoing several years ago. Thankfully, I got over that!

I now realize that even God wants us to love ourselves! After all, you can't love someone else "as" something that you're not doing.

I've already e-mailed the link to Oprah's Pledge to my best friend and you can bet I'll be directing every woman I know to this as quickly as I can!

God's Grace and Peace to all, and be kind to yourselves!

Julianne
Washington DC

I pledge to treat myself with the love and respect I deserve. When I look at pictures of myself when I was young...and in the mirror at what I look like now, I've come to appreciate the journey it took to get here.

I'm not the slender teenage girl anymore. She is not my reality at the present time, although I appreciate her place in my life. I am a woman....a thirty-something woman with more experience, more stories to tell....and, by gosh, I plan to tell them! I plan to tell them with pride and joy in my heart.

And that's what we women need to do...tell our stories. We need to do that to help other women who are lost and have fallen down...women who have forgotten who and Whose they are. When we give ourselves permission to release, then we give them permission as well. When we validate our truth, then we give others permission to do the same.

Affirming my past and present experiences gives me the power to move on and move forward, doing the work that I've come here to do. I will not let body image or a pre-determined ideal keep me from what I have come here to do. I am going to be my fabulous, beautiful self regardless of what the books and magazines say.

Remember Barbie is plastic!!!! Sooo great! I love it!

Hey you know my granny was comfortable in her own skin, I relate to her more than my mom. I love my mom but my granny and me well we seemed to connect at a deeper level. I understood her and her me. And the thing I guess I loved the very best about my granny is her complete non-judgemental perspective towards everyone in our family, she was the epitome of unconditional love, a true forgiving soul.