Well hello Ann! Beautuful, such BEAUTIFUL post you've typed here today! It moved me and I assume everyone here will be moved by it as well. It just made me feel of how special each and everyone of us is .. So true Well, I haven't been anywhere near the computer in the past couple of days. I have a weakness, which I need to admit: I am extremely addcited to TV series. You can't imagine how much. I lose myself while watching them and it brings enormous joy and peace to my heart. I don't know why! Sometimes this weakness has averted me from reading .. I intend to control it, but at times I think I'm more of a visual person, maybe that's why. Does my age have to do with that? Loving series more than books? Anyway, loved reading from everyone on yesterday's post! WhyGuy, I missed that wisdom of yours sought from simple experiences! Patee, welcome back!! Missed you and thanks for peeping in here everyday. Pamela, I have this feeling that our group will get from close to closer- inshallah! Joanne, good luck on those courses! Nanci, thanks for checking in! DJ, it meant a lot to me seeing a comment from you on my last blog article! Thanks! Suzi, missing you .. Hey, WHERE IS BELLA??? Have been thinking of her for a while. I love you all SO MUCH! BTW, I have a thought to share .. but as soon as I have the time Have got to be prepared for a dinner party my aunts are throwing for my recently married cousin (they do it A LOT here and it sometimes exhausts me) Blessings on this stupendous Wednesday! DeeL

Mary! I totally concur with Patee on what she said about you ... You seem to say a lot in a few words, that's pure wisdom in my humble opinion. And BTW Patee, you are quite skilled in describing people's character!

Hello Ann, I knew what you meant. I used the personal goodbye statement as to make the point that we would be kind and courteous to those we have formed a relationship with. So then why would we not do the same for those who have formed a relationship with, ie "circle of love".

I was tired and just home from work and probably not clicking well. In my mind!

I liked what you said here. It is great food for thought. And also I feel that as we continue on with Awakened growth that it is a part of the intention of being impeccable in action. Toward self and others.

Sometimes I feel like a child in this New Language and New Earth. I can visualize a child peeking out in wonder and excitement, wanting to explore and just go for it.

I hope that none of the group felt a pressure from my post yesterday. Basically that is why I said surrender and accept.

I totally agree with you in content. You just said it better!

Love, Patee

Just came from clipping a fatty handful of lilacs to make two lovely bouquets with... one for the trailer and one for this room. How I love that scent ~ it's a direct flashback to my childhood with those lilac bushes that grew under my bedroom windows with a SE exposure and bird song along with it (don't have the bird song here except annoying bluejay squak ~ not the same )

When Arian told me he couldn't come down this weekend for Mother's Day because he'd forgotten about Mother's Day and has plans Saturday night, I had me a challenge with that (still do)... SIGH! It's so typical for Arian... I don't figure all that large in his mind unless I'm having an operation or am hospitalized for some other reason. Mother's Day ~ after thought... not in his radar scope at all. Nor is getting me those gifts he and Kelly bought for me for Christmas and my birthday and then never gave me. It's difficult to have my lil' girl self going through hurt feelings over and over again for being forgotten and not considered. Will it take him becoming a parent and having his older child (adult child) ignoring his existence? Wonder if he'd even get it then. I used to tease him when he was younger calling him a "me double me" because he's Aries double Scorpio... Aries and Scorpio are both signs that tend to be self-absorbed... ah well! It is what it is... and I'm having to accept that (not condone it) and learn to live with his thoughtlessness though I thought I'd trained him better than that. He wasn't thoughtless when it came to Kelly. OK ~ these thoughts are totally pointless. They will change nothing. Just venting. Sorry.

Ann, thanks for that thoughtful post, and Patee welcome back, and hey Deel, good to "see" you here. And WhyGuy, sorry I missed your IM and glad to hear from you. Wish you'd share whassup, but I understand this being a public board, you may not want to... there's always our Yahoo board. Later gators

Hey Deel, Patee and Pamela, great to hear from you all.

Patee, I have been wanting to say what I said for awhile, you gave me the opportunity, and I appreciate that. This circle tends to take care of itself, and I so appreciate just knowing everybody is well. So when people just check in and give an update, or acknowledge their absence, or say I'll be on vacation, or say I have to quit while I finish my degree, well I think that is just awesome, because I too miss our peeps!! I don't have abondonment issues per se, but I take my friendships very seriously, even my on-line friendships. So heres to people stopping by, being happy and being awake and aware!!.

I have not seen the last 3 ANE classes, and you guys have me psyched to watch them!!! Its all good. more later, love, ann

Hello all ye beautiful people!

Glad to see so many responding to Patee's post yesterday. I guess we all have our reasons to be on and off the boards, but I sure do hope that we keep this group alive and kicking, it is such a blessing. Maybe intense communication and discussion or sharing comes and goes like the ocean's tides, sometimes it's high-tide, sometimes low-tide, but you know essentially the ocean is always there.

Reading ANE has brought up alot of "stuff" within me, or I've noticed lots of garbage ego-wize and sometimes I feel like I don't want to post too much about it because I don't want to spread too nasty a vibe around here, the issues are nothing new anyway (and might thus be booring), or at times feel too vulnerable to spill ALL of my beans all the time. Like a bear who needs to lick her wounds by herself, if you know what I mean. But it's such a relief to know I'm not alone in this process and for that I am so very grateful to you all.

I hope you all had a lovely day... we've been having amazingly beautiful warm and sunny spring days here in Hamburg, and for that, too, I'm very grateful.
Lots of Love to ALL,
Yurika

Yurika ~ I can so relate to your post... this ANE has so put me up against myself sometimes... especially my EGO... hard to face that mirror sometimes, but I'm thankful for the wake up call it offers me at the same time. I haven't totally gotten rid on my desire to tell "my story" but at least I'm seeing it now. And I'm thinking it's not always a poor choice, especially if I'm encouraging another to also share theirs. Want to be careful to keep EGO under control to some degree anyway. Thanks for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Love ya, Girl!

Once again I am on the same page with you Ann.

I snuck ahead this morning and watched the last twenty minutes or so of the last class. As far as I could tell he did not speak of an after life at all, but perhaps it was earlier in the class. I do remember when Oprah asked him a few classes back, he just said that he didn't know what happens at death, he wanted to wait and see and be surprised. I got a kick out of that.

What he did speak of was being the Hole in the flute. Allowing consciousness to flow through us. But I will not go into it, I know you have not seen it yet, and do not want to spoil it for you. I might have it all muddled up! I will get to the last two classes hopefully on Friday when I am off the job.

Love, Patee

Hello back, Yurika, Nice to see you and love your words. They surely hit home with me! Yes a lot of gunk does arise when practicing the power of Now. Just when I think I have it together something else socks me in the gut and behold I am once again going through the releasing and letting go.

I do not know if you practice the body awareness, I find it amazing. I say so because when the feeling in the body starts to spread, it will almost be uncomfortable at times, yet as it subsides there is such an incredable Awareness that arises.

I speak from an experience that I had when discussing an issue about my sister. A feeling I had or lack of a feeling would be a better one. As I became angrier, I gestured toward the chair she usually sits in and said something like I do not think I love her! All of a sudden my body began to feel those incredible truth bumps and it wouldn't stop. I had to get up and go into another room, all the while my body feeling this sensation. It got so immense I had no choice but to ride it out. I got it! I was talking about myself. And I began to cry, and I was able to do that and not lose myself in the emotion. I watched it....! well then I went out side into nature and sat with it for about an hour.

Here I thought I had left that lack of love for myself go quite away ago. My pain-body was not through with me for sure. It has really diminished now. But probably not completely so.

I am such a believer in the body. The way to Now is throught the body. He says that and I personally have accepted that.

So, please if you want to tell us your experience, never think it will be boring, not at all, not for me at least

Love, Patee

Dear ones,

Ego, painbody, who would have thunk??? I have been releasing my infertility painbody recently, and my children are 12 and 14!!! (and adopted) The movie Juno, my daughters emerging adolescence, and sexuality, lots of young friends being pregnant. a friend, who is single, approaching 40 and facing that she may not give birth. I thought I had released this years ago, but its coming up, and i am feeling it and letting it go. I was riding high and last weekend I was riding low. Cranky, my family wanted to release me LOL, So I find great comfort in knowing that as I live in the now, and the awareness that my ego and painbody are not who I really am, that my consciousness, my mere awareness disipates or lessens my ego's hold on me, well I find that concept so freeing,

So nice to know other people's ego's and painbodies are flipping them around too, ah this too will pass, here's to the process of awakening.

peace my friends, and have a glorious and aware day. love, ann

Hear, Hear, Ann, Thank you for sharing. Amazing that we all are so connected in the sense that in finding a similar experience within and in the telling of it can raise each other up.

Picking up cans, and pennies. Peeps together.

Love, Patee

Morning to all,

Awesome post, Ann. You said it all.

I had a awesome day yesterday, which lead me to many thoughts during the night.

When I came to this board, a year ago, I barely recognized myself in the mirror when I saw he reflection. Coming to the board, I gradually was able to recognize parts of myself in each of your posts. The pieces are slowly coming together.

I have that Heather Small song in my head today "Proud". I think we all know the power of this group, it is a gift.

Hoping you all have a great day, you are always in my thoughts.

DJ

Ann ~ thanks so much for opening that sharing door for us to peek through and see what you're dealing with... that's an invitation for us to share also what we've been dealing with. Personally, my pain body's been dragging around hurt that my family (now only Arian) never gave me my Christmas gifts, nor my birthday gifts, and now he's also not giving me Mother's Day either. I had a mighty case of the "poor me's" this morning and wrote him an email from that place. And then wrote him a follow-up email warning him of my "poor me" headspace. And he wrote me back basically saying, sorry you're feeling that way but I'm having to be all about ME right now. WOW! It's clearly surrender time for me for this young man has no intention of stepping up and giving to me what I've been feeling I needed. The little girl of me has been suffering mightily over this lack of anyone fussing over me at all this year except when I was dealing with medical stuff. No fussing over the "well Pamela"... wha wha wha... poor poor me! GEEZ! OK ! so I'm needing to get past this pain. I've also been dealing with physical pain because they won't allow me to take my arthritis meds because of the blood thinners. That's been rather brutal for me.... walking has become difficult. My friend Peggy who's posted on here a few times shared with me this morning that she's had great good luck with Spring Valley glucosamine chondroitin from WalMart... so I just came back from buying a large supply of that in hopes it will do the trick for me. I'm so not wanting to have such problems with mobility.

I love you all, and I thank you all for sharing what you're dealing with. It really helps to not feel so alone in this difficult process... clearly this getting the living in the NOW is not an instaneous transition. But I'm thankful to have been taught enough to be able to see my EGO and my painbody at work. That does help move things along. Have a happy day ALL

Ladies, and the honourable Terry, THANK YOU for sharing your stories and for inviting me to "spill my beans", for giving me the feeling it's ok to share my funk, regardless. Scary witnessing one's own ego and painbody soaring for sure..., but here goes: Remember the wonderful Gospel workshop I wrote about? Well, the workshop and music were fantastic, very uplifting. But at the same time I noticed that I was feeling and, to an extent, even acting extremely cranky and even non-social. gulp. What I realized was: I'm acting like a grumpy old cow and being stand-offish because I'm deeply unhappy with myself and my life, I feel stuck, stupid, with the same recurring dramas regarding job/finances/body issues/lack of love life and general self-confidence playing up over and over and over like a cracked and screaching record. Seeing clearly the changes I want and need to make but somehow don't seem to have the "bite" to pull them through in a disciplined fashion. I feel like I've made a pretty nasty mess of my life, am regressing rather than advancing, like I desperately want a change from Hamburg (much much closer to nature!) but see no way how that could happen and thus feel pretty hopeless.

For the first time ever I even felt envious (ugh!) of some of my friends and my bro + his fam who have lots of good stuff happening for them... I AM happy for them, and yet their good fortune makes me feel even more inadequate and useless. All of the above makes me, more than anything, ANGRY with myself, because I got me where I am today although I could have "had it all" and so there's lots of guilt and shame too. Realized that I make my being acceptable and lovable dependant on whether or not I'm together, successful and physically attractive. HELLO EGO! Whoah. And although it was always my intention to have my intuition/the Divine Creative Force guide me, I've had to recognize that essentially, my ego was the driving force. Oops. Damn!

One contributing factor of frustration has been that I've been ill again and again since October, stuck in bed with flu, fever and bad colds, and generally feeling off, tired and without energy. Have gained LOTS of weight (doc said: no exercise when ill!), plus I stopped smoking, shoveling in the sweets, oh oh (so at least in one aspect I HAVE been "expanding", HA!). Found out last week that my doc was asleep at the wheel, he's been telling me it was just a bad flu virus I was dealing with. Turns out I had/am getting over glandular fever, a pretty nasty virus infection!! Go figure!

I have to and do actively remind myself to practise LOA and "Hey, that's the EGO!, all of that garbage is a CHALLENGE and this is the time to focus on the INNER purpose and practise ACCEPTANCE, and yes, THIS TOO SHALL PASS and beautiful stuff is coming that I can't even envision now", so that I don't get completely lost in my mad monkey brain. The fact that quite a few of my "friends" and my family (definately) would + do call me cookoo when I tell/if I told them there's nothing for me to do at the moment than to practise stillness and work on my inner purpose doesn't make it easier (and have made me initiate some letting-go processes). So when I say I'm so very grateful for this group, I truely, deeply mean that!

Ok. Exhale. There you have it, my "poor little me" story. BÄH! Thank you for letting me share my boohoohoo ...Yurika

Patee, yes, doing body work is amazing. When I do manage to get quiet and feel my inner space, it's beautiful. Had an exhilirating experience recently when I visualized my body being a channel, with the energy of the Diving Creative Force flowing through it - WOW! Gave me goosebumps from within!