its ego. That doesn't mean that your husband isn't seriously lacking! But all you can do is work on yourself. If you are present with everything you do(no matter how mundane) you will find joy.

"He sees me as a second class citizen" -- Right now you are still seeking 'happines' or whatever you want to call it(gratitude, validation, etc...) from external sources(your husband) Your external will never change until you work on the internal. You cannot change other people. What you resist persist. That does not mean that you become a floor mat to your husband. It just means that you are looking for something that you will never find in the external world. You must look within yourself. This is a great opportunity for you to use the lessons in the book and apply them in your life. Like Oprah said, if you are present in everything you do, you can find joy, even magic! in the simplest things. Everytime you have a reaction to your husband. Like when he ignores your efforts, instead of resenting him and wishing he was different, use those times as a self test, observe your thoughts and emotions Practice being present, bring awareness to a body part or your breathing. And watch the diminishment of your ego. It sounds like you will get many chances to practice! I know I do!;)

Thank you so much for your feedback. When I read your post, I had one word that came to mind----Wise!!!

This New Earth stuff is not easy and I hate to acknowledge this but I think I may have one enormous ego......usually I think of ego as being conceited, but I think ego can be small, and very insecure too.

I will try to simply become aware and present in my more difficult moments and I guess as long as I stay present and aware, I will do and say and be exactly where I am supposed to be.

I can't advise you what to do - only you know what is the best for you and therefore for everyone and everything in the universe - but I can make a suggestion - that is to hire someone to do all the work you don't want to do - this might be a problem from the money part - but you are working to support your husband's business - so in a way your home is part of the office and people in offices have the office cleaned by professionals rather than use their time doing it - I'm interested in all comments about this reply - because I have some doubts about suggesting things but couldn't resist - or at least didn't want to resist and I'm wearing a big smile as I type all of this - Thought that comes to my mind that if to your husband you are not equal to him there must be others in the world that he is not equal to and I imagine this is a painful thing for him to face. I'm a woman who has suffered all my life well all my adult life as a woman and being considered a second class citizen - it hurts the most when women don't give you the proper attention just because you are a woman like them - mysogony is the greek word - it breaks down to hatred of women - and I've realized that all of us are raised in a mysoginist world system that is also egoic all the way. Learning to love ourselves as woman and to love and appreciate all other woman - is part of our awakening as women. Fact is we are all equal but different - no one is more than me and no one is less - but everyone is different. A sentence that I say often to myself and others is this: There is an extreme shortage in the entire universe of me - only one any where. I also say that to you There is an extreme shortage in the entire universe of you - you are the only one anywhere. WOW!!!!! Think about it - it brings my mind into reality and away from comparing or competing with others. I'm no longing laughing inside but a big smile on my face and a sense of satisfaction. Best of Luck my dear fellow human being. Lorraine

Hi Guru123,

I'm the mom of 5 from Monday night. I thought I should clarify my question from the other night a bit. Early in the book I had my first AHA moment that sent me to the discussion board.

P. 84 "In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever." Aha! No wanting! If "I" have everything "I" need within myself already...then I need not want anything (validation, respect, thanks, appreciation...) from my husband and children. Its only my Ego that needs those things. Got it...or I thought I did! With no wanting, there could be no thwarted wanting...no anger, no frustration, no resentment. Just peace and love ...and that unflappable calm that Eckhart has achieved.

It just wasn't that easy to put into daily practice. Even though I knew these things came from the Ego, it was hard ...impossible...to stop wanting them. I want you (my husband) to recognize all my hard work; I want you to admire my effort; I want you realize that I need to refuel, I want you to encourage me to get out with my friends occasionally...I want love, support, encouragement, romance, a card on my birthday...I'm a wanting machine:-) but don't we all want those things from our mates? Does wanting those things mean our relationships aren't genuine? Does it mean that I am just one big old Ego. I thought it simply meant that I was a strong woman who recognized what she needed and communicated it? I feel like my husband does appreciate me and we defintiely share our responsibilities...but I've spent a lot of time making sure he knows how important it is to me (and my Ego) for him to show me/do that. If i didn't want him to, I fear he'd take to the couch with the remote and a beer and I'd be holding it all together myself. Shallow, I know. Clearly my Ego reigns on.

Listening to Eckhart the other night, I think I misinterpreted the no wanting thing. But I still wonder if you can fully attain that level of higher consciousness if you are the only one in your household striving to do so. Isn't it a bit like trying to quit smoking in a house full of smokers?

When I read your post, it immediately made me think of the part of the book ...and I can't remember exactly where...on letting go of trying to define ourselves and getting beyond how others define us. If your husband chooses to define you a certain way, that is entirely his problem. His limitation. I'm sorry I can't remember where this was but I found it really liberating when i read it.

Take care.

Wow, this is exactly what I was telling my husband last night. I feel like a smoker who is trying to stop smoking as I am trying to be free from ego dealing with his BIG ego. I think I get it now that if I am present and living in the NOW, none of my past hurts or feelings matter. Just what I feel NOW. Additionally, if I am accepting what is and choosing to stay in the realtionship while living in the NOW, then I must fully surrender to the situation to experience the joy in it. I hope this helps, it is helping me...Thanks!

We need the Ego-Patch:-)

Hi Guru123, another thought occurred to me after I replied last night. I remembered ch5 and painbodies. Specifically the collective female and the individual painbody. Painbodies are addictive entities. It strives to seek out more negative emotions/energy to 'feed' on. This may also be playing a part in your situation. Also, I agree with one of the other posts that suggested that at some point your husband has been on the recieving end of the very behavior in which he is showing you. And here is the painful point I am getting to. As you are learing and practicing awareness and presence, be aware of how you may be treating others in your life. I have found, for myself, (rather painfully) that many of the behaviors that bother or have hurt me, are ones that I have perpetrated myself. The painbody gets fed no matter what. It doesn't matter if the behavior is given or recieved. The same thing is happening to your husband. It doesn't make it ok, but being aware and present will help you to put things in better perspective and understanding. And that will help you and guide you to the best decision in what to do. Its that whole 'inner purpose lining up with outer purpose' thing. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Good Morning Sweetrainy, Younglauri, Carmen.but, and Cristinamb

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to respond to my post. You may receive another response from me quite similar to this one. If you do, I appologize. When I tried to post my original response, I received an error message so I am not sure if it went through or not.

Thanks a million for your feedback. I read and re-read your responses and I believe I get it---a bit. The business of having NO WANTINGS WHATSOEVER in a relationship is so alien to me it is not even funny. I have children and I WANT them to be happy, I WANT them to be successful, I WANT them to be healthy and on and on. I have a husband and I WANT him to communicate with me, I WANT him to appreciate me, I WANT him to be gentle and kind and loving towards me. IF all wanting comes from the EGO, then I must go back to chapter 1 and 2 and play with them a lot longer. I am going to work on the idea of acceptance. Accepting my husband for who he is and knowing that I cannot nor do I have the right to try to change him. I believe that if I can truly accept him, without judgement, I will be in a different place with my BEING and I will know if my future path includes my husband as my husband or if it includes my husband as my ex-husband. Either way I think acceptance is the key. Acceptance must work as an ego killer. Therefore I am going to spend moments each day just breathing and accepting my breath and my flowers and see what comes.

Take care and thank you again