I too have been raped repeatedly by my own husband. I told his family and mine. I told our neighbors. I told our mutual friends only because he told them a bunch of lies about me so they wouldn't believe me if I told them anything. All the people I told confronted him lovingly but sternly and encouraged him to change his ways. To make a long story short, we were separated for a year and I had a protective order against him with court-ordered counseling. Thankfully, he got the counseling. We are back together now and he is like a totally new man. He listens to and respects me. He consults me respectfully in every decision we make, including sex. Before, he would have sex with me while I slept, demand sex 2 or 3 times a day, guilt-trip me for turning him down once in a while, called me names, held me down, threatened to cut off my clothes with scissors (but he didn't have them in hand), held an unlit lighter to my clothes once, forced me to do acts I did not want to do, etc. But he was willing to change when I left with our 4 kids. Through counseling, it came out that he was dealing with flashbacks to sexual abuse he had endured as a teen. This is what was fueling his sexual obsessions. And thankfully he was willing to confront these issues and move forward from them and change his own ways. I know this is the exception--not the rule. My husband was willing to change. Many, if not most, men who are abusive are willing or able to change so quickly. I feel very fortunate and blessed that he was willing and able. I prayed to God for His help. And so did my husband--after I left him. Through God's mercy and grace, and through counseling and setting of strict boundaries, my husband did change. I see the changes every day of our lives in the way he interacts gently and respectfully with me and with our children.

wplady, what if you are wrong about your husband's ex-wife? You use her anger as proof that the allegations are false when anger like you describe can easily arise from the allegations being true. What if what you heard as a threat of a false report was instead a threat of a true report? Obviously, you aren't a neutral observer. I understand having a harsh opinion of your husband's ex-wife. I went into my first marriage at 19 believing that his first wife was a cheater who ran off with another man to live with him in sin, cruelly abandoning her faithful husband and her young daughter. My future in-laws, who seemed completely reasonable, and many others backed up this opinion of her or at least they let this portrait of her stand unchallenged. Before my marriage turned violent, friends of my in-laws talked to me about a local domestic violence program in a general way -- and I believe hinted to me that I had resources -- but I couldn't believe that women like me would ever be abused. I didn't believe that my husband would get violent unless someone else pushed him to the point where violence would be the only viable option. And of course when he got violent with me, I had pushed him to violence so it was my fault, not his. Funny, but I can't remember what horrid thing I did to justify his wrapping his fingers around my throat and squeezing until I thought Till Death Do Us Part would arrive that day. Was it not being a good enough cook or was it the ants that he found in the kitchen? Neither of those seem like crimes worthy of the death penalty, but that's just me. Only after my marriage turned abusive did I begin to wonder about the label that had been slapped on this woman. And only after my divorce was final did people tell me that they believed all along that he abused his first wife. The reason they never spoke up before the wedding to warn me or my family was that they assumed I was pregnant. Their belief was that a child should be born to a married mother even if the father was clearly capable of great violence. The reality that my first husband's ex-wife faced was abuse (probably including rape) and a flat-out statement from him that if she did not leave, he would kill her because of her alleged unfaithfulness. The man she moved in with had seen her situation and had offered her a safe place to stay several thousand miles away from her abusive husband. I believe she left her daughter behind because she believed that would cause him to hunt her down.

What is "his" side? How can there be another side? The pictures tell the story.

THIS SHOW SAID THAT THE "BEAUTY QUEEN ' HAS KEPT QUITE ABOUT ALL OF THIS. IT IS NOT TRUE! SHE HAS BEEN EVERYWHERE TALKING ABOUT IT AND ITS EVEN "HELPED" HER WIN HER TITLE. SHE HAS ADDED THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE. I JUST WISHED OPRAH WOULDOF GOT HIS SIDE OF THE STORY. MAYBE THEN YOU ALL WOULD SEE THIS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT! THEY WERE COMING FROM A BAR, NOT A CONCERT AND THERE WAS A WITNESS WHO TESTIFIED ON HIS SIDE.

I just wished she (oprah) wouldof gotten the medical records. Heard from people who testifed on his behalf... so on. He openly admitted to hitting her, but as the testimony went (from a third party in the vehicle) she was hitting him from the backseat first (while he was driving). What gives women the right to hit a man, but then when they hit back it's abuse? As for the raping.... wheres the proof??? It wasnt in the medical records!

I agree with everyone about this sort of thing, it's horrible, but I also think people make things up to better themselves or to hurt other people.

I am not promoting this sort of thing at all.... LIKE I SAID BEFORE I just wished they wouldof had all the sides of the story!

I lived for 18 years overseas in Hong Kong. I am a Canadian citizen. My husband of almost 20 years was abusive emotionally and physically. He would justify forcing himself on me (marital rape) with his religious beliefs. There were and still are no laws in that country prohibitting husbands from raping thier wives. I was victimized for may years until I took control and ran away with my children. The ensueing custody battle became a witch hunt and as the evidence slowely came to light, I was granted sole custody of my 6 children and allowed to return home to Canada. The link below is the disorder that my ex husband (undiagnosed) suffers from. I believe it was instrumental in his acts of violance toward me. http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/book-sum/xtian2.html My story is beyond what most women would be able to endure, yet I survived and have continued to live and care for my children. Oprah, if you are truelly interested in what I lived through, supported by court documentation and expert witness accounts, I would share it with you. Thanks to my mother telling me to watch your show, I have found strength in finally hearing that I was not alone. My ex husband is still at large in Hong Kong and soon will be moving to the US. He was never convicted of any crimes against me. He continues to attempt to control me and my children and continues to pose a threat to our security. Sincerely, Ingrid

I wish I had some of you here to support me... My husband of 9 years had never raised his voice to me or his hand to me until 5 months ago. One night I woke up to him on top of me and then he proceeded to rape me....it was horrid, the things he did and the things he said. I was so sore and bleeding for three days afterwards......I never said a word, not even to him. I was in total shock. IT happened 4 times after that, each time becoming even more violent. After the last time I called up some Pastors that I knew.........no one I talked to really took it seriously. I never reported it. I am a christian and so are most of the people i run around with.......most just discount it, I'm assuming because he is my husband. The weird part about my story is that he says he believes me that he did it, but he in no way remembers it. He has even told this to our counselor. He also shows no remorse. I'm still sort of sharing a home with him. I have no family here in town and have 3 small children. I'm not sure how to get out completely.....He does not sleep at our house any longer, but comes home after work to see the kids and shower. I have no money and haven't work in 9 years. Everyone around me believe divorce is wrong and that God will heal the marriage, but they dont seem to see how frightening it is for me. So I'm living in this state of frustration and confusion, with very little support. My husband needs help........i feel bad for him and my kids. I dont want to take him away from him....... I feel so stressed about it. I've been accused of many things........opening doors to allow this to happen, Ive been asked if i was having an affair....I know that no matter what I could have done, if I had even done something.........gives him the right to treat me that way......... He is all I've known. I married at 18, we had been best friends since 5th grade.........it's just so sad. Thank you to those who have shared your stories on here. I know I need to do something more here, I'm just not sure how.........