But of course, you are wrong, again. This has happened to my daughter. Thankfully she is still alive today, but was almost killed by her husband.

hi, i just finished watching this episode. at the end of the show, the prosecutor/expert was defining rape as when the person threatens homicide or suicide if you do not have sex with them. rape was also defined as being physically forced to have sex. i just wanted to point out that there is a new term being bounced around: "grey rape". what it means is sex without definite consent (a grey area). if there is no clear answer or consent given, and/or you were drunk and can't remember if you gave consent, or how you ended up having sex, etc. that can be considered rape. i agree with this new definition, and have experienced "grey rape". i had been drinking with a man, and i don't really know how things got started. i said "no" but i didn't do anything else to stop him and we had already started, so then i figured it was too late, so then i stopped protesting. now that i know of "grey rape", i think this is what happened, and is a good example of it, because there were grey areas and mixed signals, yet i feel that i was taken advantage of and i felt horrible.

lynnjean6,

I hope you realize that being abused does not = an inabillity to manage your home/job/life/etc. What the public realizes... well that's a different story.

The best we can do is speak out and back organizations that tell the public the truth about abusive relationships.

If you would like more information on how to overcome your trauma, come check out oprah's forum on abuse

Relationships--->Abuse: Physical, emotional, or verbal

There are posts there about organizations that can help you legally, financially, emotionally, or domestically (relocation).

You are a brave, brave person. You have been through a lot, and you have come through stronger for it!

That is a terrible point of view on marriage to have. If the man or woman you marry truly loves you, he/she won't seek sex elsewhere, and will RESPECT your wish to not have sex that time. If he threatens that he will cheat on you if you don't have sex with him, that is what is called COERCION.

You are right- It (sex) has to be a mutual agreement between the both of you. That means, if you don't want it, your partner has should respect that. That does NOT mean that if your partner wants sex that you have to just do it and get it over with.

I was sexually abused by my husband for nearly 8 years. Marital rape is so misunderstood. I am living proof however that it is very real!
My husband was an active duty Air Force officer - I went to family services for help, but they required all my husband's information; needed
to contact his superior officer and then call my husband in for questioning. I knew if I gave up his info, it would be his word over mine and the
punishment at home would be severe. I didn't report it ~ who would believe me? People can't imagine how a husband can rape his wife! It is
very real ~ Very, Very real. I am now divorced from him, but my young 12 year old son has recently revealed to me he has been abused by
my ex-husband as well. Men like this need to be stopped and women and children deserve to be protected. I am currently seeking sole custody
and am fighting as hard as I can to keep this man from ever causing harm to another, ever again!

I think being raped was the best thing that ever happen to me. It gave me the strength to finally leave my husband and make a better life for my child. I would always feel bad for him when he would cry for the mean things he did to our family. After he raped me, the part of my heart he still occupied was filled with anger. I was numb. It was this numb feeling that gave me the power to fight for myself.

Have you been drinking? I can't believe what you wrote....do you actually believe that? You really need to educate yourself. Rape has nothing to do with sex. It's about power, control, dehumanizing another human being. Any rapist is a pig and deserves to rot in jail, but for a man to rape his wife? I can't even imagine how any man could do such a thing to his wife.

I'm actually looking for some help. On today's show, there was a woman who was in the same situation that I am in now. Although my husband has not physically abused me to the point of non recognization, he has mentally & emotionally and I believe that he has raped me on several occassions. I have mentioned to him that when he forces my legs open and doesn't care if I participate in the act, that I feel that I have been raped. He doesn't think so. As a kid, I was sexually molested by 3 of my male cousins, and as an adult, those memories have come back to haunt me. My husband doesn't fully understand the whole situation, and he believes that what happened to me happened when I was a little girl.{color:#000080} Basically, I need to get over it. Right now, I am not working and have been out of work since March 2007 and I believe that he likes it that way. I don't know what I should do next. I do not live near any of my family and the closet relative that I have is over 800 miles away. We have a 6yr old daughter, who is just the most wonderful thing on this earth (in my eyes:8}). He has threatened that if I take her away from him, that he would call the police and say that she was kidnapped. I don't know what to do.{color}

I'm just in shock, my entire marriage of 12 years and even before I WAS RAPED....when I finally realized that my life should not be submitting myself to the abuse(at that time I did not know it was rape, just knew that I could not do what he was doing to me anymore) I left. Since then 2001 I have remarried the love of my life but I have lost my family in the process, he was so convincing or should I say HE HAD A WAY WITH WORDS and made it seem as tho I left just because I wanted to be with a younger man. Our family was very close and did everything together but now they choose to be friends with him. The beauty Queen is almost an exact type of relationship that I had with my exhusband even down to the exact charges he should have been charged with, I feel for her and appreciate how hard it must have been to come forward not only to the police and family but go on the show to tell the world. I just want to say to everyone involved with this show THANK YOU SO MUCH, my husband of present sat down with me and understands more of what I went thru and sees how serious I was hurting before and THAT HELPS US. THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!

I am SO glad to hear that the United States court system is well on its way to getting with the times! Women are NOT the property of their husbands! Nor are men the property of their wives.

Being forced against your will (via guilt, threat of harm or death, threat of harm or death to your loved ones or pets, or being incapacitated to the extent that you cannot give consent, or other similar circumstances) IS RAPE, no matter who the perpetrator is.

Hey,

I think you are forgetting about the word INTIMACY, which is when there is consent for sex and other things. You share a moment that is special to both partners. If you are forced into something that you do not feel comfortable with or a connection to, then it is RAPE. Bottom line.

I like your line about gold diggers though..... The problem is: why any man or woman allow himself/herself being manipulated for what they socially/financially represents? If you want my honest opinion, it is either because these poor "rich" victims are in total denial or they made an easy choice. It is sad.

Again, if you are forced into something that does not feel right to your soul, then your mind/your body, it is called RAPE. And there is nothing more detrimental to a spirit than to have been put down. Some people fight it and survive it. Some don't. And some become abusers themselves....... like the Gold Diggers......

Saw the show today 11/7/07, which was most likely a rerun from original show. Found the show very interesting and necessary. My response is this:
When family members and friend are kept from knowing about the abuse this becomes a serious condition for everyone. Most abused women will keep it a secret.
So my request is this: Just how do you go about opening the "escape plan" without jeopardizing yourself or your children? Really not so cut and dry. What if you are a wife of a prominent figure and need to get out, how do you keep that from getting plastered all over the news? How do you go about seeking out a therapist who will be the perfect fit? (Many have to go thru many trials and who do you ask for a "name"), If your spouse will not go to therapy (most abusers will not, after all its not their problem its yours) you cannot open dialogue without getting more abused?
To simply talk about this problem from individual experience of abuse is not enough, if you are an abused women you KNOW IT, but how they hell do you get out? You had a police officer on your show, and she didn't even have the way out, my point exactly!!! Give us a guideline show and show us the steps and how to get the help from family doctors, friends, family and help everyone woman wishing today she really had a plan.

puresoul101, your husband likes it that you are not working. You are under his complete control without a job. And yes, I believe what he has done to you is rape. You asked what you should do. If I were in your position, I'd wait until he goes to work and find a woman's shelter that will help you. Call the United Way, or other organizations in your area just find a place to escape from him. I'd pack my stuff and leave, while he is at work. You also need to notify the police immediately about what is going on in case he makes good on his threat. I'd also write down and documemt everything he has done and said to you. Good luck!

Go out and get yourself hired NOW. Start saving money to pay rent on a new place. You deserve to feel safe, loved, appreciated, and moreover RESPECTED. You are being abused. His forcing your legs open and his blatant disregard of your protesting engaging in sex is rape. Educate yourself on your options. You can separate from him. I don't know about the custody stuff, but come by the abuse forum on here Relationships--->Abuse: physical, verbal, or emotional. There are other members on there who will know better how to help you get out.

I hope you don't mind me dropping your name, but member Babeemine2 is an amazing and strong woman who has been through this and has a lot of helpful resources for people in your situation. Post on the forum and you'll get some info. Also check out the other threads to find out what books to read to help you through this.

You can and will come through this! We'll help you!!!

O.K., I only have a few moments so I couldn't read through the entire thread, but what I saw disturbs me greatly. First off to the people saying that the man is "owed" sex if he gets married, go jump off a high cliff, because you obviously will taint the gene pool if allowed to breed.

Secondly, to the women who say they were raped and the husband manipulated things so he has the rights to the children, FIGHT FOR THEM! Do you think for one instant that a man who raped someone he was supposed to love couldn't do the same thing to his kids? It wasn't your fault you were raped, and I'm not saying it's your fault your children are staying with this man, but REPORT that he raped you! He's a sexual abuser, and sexual abusers should not be allowed near children, never mind allowed to live with them! You're the guardian of your children, so do everything you can to protect them.

On another note about the show, after the first woman was beaten and raped by her husband, why didn't she slit his throat before leaving when he was asleep? He was a mad dog, and you don't allow mad dogs to live so they can savage someone else some day.