well hi there daze2sweet,
fist i would liek to say welcome to the boards...and i am sorry that you are having a hard time....i have been bipolar for 13 years but just dianosed a year ago with it....i started to get worse before i started having good days.....i was lareday bad off with my mood swings and anger that i had mixed with depression....i was getting worse uptil a month ago is when i startd to turn teh corner...i am not a doc but maybe your mesd need to be ajusted or something...i know that you said that you trust your doctor but are you openly communicating with him/her?....and are you in therapy? i know that that has been a life saver for me thorugh this last year...please keep us posted...or just write to s when you are having a bad day...or a good one..lol...have a great one...bobbie

Hi Daze, welcome....I have anger problems too, but only when I am by myself. I get frustrated very easily like with cleaning the house and the vacum cord on the stairs....I spit out all kinds of profanities that would probably shock anyone to hear me. I'm in the process of having my meds adjusted. I have been on the same stuff for 7 years with no manic attacks but the depression is pushing through...and the tired, listless feeling of "why bother". I joined a gym yesterday and went today to work out. I am so out of shape I almost started crying when the instructor put me on the eliptical and stairmaster...I convinced her to let me go to the bike and then sat there wondering if I could get my money back because this just wasn't going to work. Everyone tells me how good exercise is for stress, but today it was stressing me out. I eventullay stayed and did some machines, I'll try again tomorrow.

I am 38 yrs old, married, with 3 kids. I have had bipolar tendencies my whole life but was only diagnosed 1 yr. ago. I am tired of the roller coaster ride too as far as the emotions go. I "rapid cycle" every hour and there have been times when I have been in a "mixed state" feeling full of energy and depressed at the same time. I too am tired of the anger and the rage that I feel inside of me. It is a side of me I hate and know that I am not that person and do not like it when it "shines." I hate to be around myself at times.

Sharon

thank you so much for your very kind and helpful words. I have been waiting all day to see if some-one was out there! you have no idea what it means to me!
I saw my DR. 2 weeks ago, he put me on Cymbalta, and was already on a couple others. also gave me Rozerem. a couple days I felt good, this week is really bad! I called and made appt. with counseler he was wanting me to see. I see her on Thursday, was surprised at how fast she got me in.
I think I will call him tomorrow and tell them about all this going on.

I HATE myself when I'am like this. and the worse thing is I hate everyone else! wow can't believe I just said that! I shut the phone off, keep the house closed up, don't even get the mail. my husband is working 12 hrs a day right now and week-ends. we had a really bad fight on Sunday. I do not get over things very easily. I know I'am hard to live with and most men would have been out of here a long time ago, infact a few of them have. he is so understanding when I let him be. but I usually withdraw as far as I can get from him. and everyone else. I stay in bed and just watch TV and pray that I will just fall asleep and pass the time. I joined a health club in the spring and was feeling so great.. then in July family things kept coming up and then I just use any and all exusces to not go.

I knew I was depressed since my 1st marriage. then my dad commited siucide and my mom died a month later. since then the whole world has been off it's hinges. when I was diagnosed BI-POLAR, I was in very seriose denial for a yr. then I realized it was true. I also realized that I had probaly been depressed my whole life. I just called them black periods when I was little. never told anyone. but know I see it.

thank you all for listening, I'am praying that by posting my feelings I will feel better and meet people who think the same as me. gosh that's scary 2 of me walking around! GOD BLESS you all.

Hi daze2sweet, Welcome aboard The Polar Express. Keep writing you will feel better becaue we are all on the same ride. I have been writing to all the people who have welcomed you and you will get wonderful support here. You will never be judged or feel alone coming here to talk. I was really angry today and nearly started to get into it with someone but walked away. Please keep writing and hang in there for a while I know coming to this site will help you. I was ina deep dark depression and in 4 weeks of wirting ,listening to other people I am having much better days! I have BP1, Post Traumatic Stress. X Alcholic, Drug Addict, X Bulimia, some OCD, am a pain in many people butts. The good side, loving, generous, funny, compasionate. My stories to long now to tell but I know how you feel and please don't feel alone now, you have us! Sweet Dreams

Hi B, I could just see you at the Gym, you poor thing, I'd have ran out side to smoke a Cig. Please go back tomorrow you can do it. It will make you feel better, not instantly but look how strong you are already, you went there!!!!. That sounds like the start of something great. You know what horrers we have both been through and we still get up and try and try and try. I will tell you more about my Hospital expereinces at a later date. Good luck at the Gym tomorrow and I will wait to hear how you feel. Sweet Dreams

Hi I am now 54 and have BP among other illnesses but when I used to get like u do my psy would change my meds until we found the right one..which we finally did it took 3 yrs to get here but I havent had any episodes mood swings or nothing I sleep great but he has me on high doses of meds....it is just a thought .....maybe u need an adjustment to your meds.....cant hurt if u try and u just might get stablelized go for it..........Ali

After seeing Tom Cruise in a clip l was interested in what he said about his religion being able to cure many of these things without medication so l did some research they put people with problems on a detox diet and use sauna treatment to remove negative cells that store in fat cells .From the moment we are born thousands of negative influences determine who we are or more to the point are told we are ,a number of people who had read the new Eckhart tolle book A new earth had said that had helped with bipolar conditions because it helps the real you deep inside take back control of your life . I PRAY THAT YOU ALL ARE FREED AND TAKE CONTROL love Liane