Okay, I can understand if the husband is beating the wife or vice-versa (unless both are into that sort of thing) but WHY get married if you cannot have sex when you want it? I thought that marraige meant the joining of two to become one - His body becomes Her body and vice-versa (what's next; being arrested for masturbation!?). If you don't want to agree to have sex with the person then WHY marry them? I predict a trend: YES, there WILL be awareness to this issue and as result, there will be a new trend of GOLD DIGGERS marrying people and then having them sent to prison for "spousal rape" It's easier than having your annoying, financially secure, spouse killed.

I was raped by my husband and mentally abused by him. He brained washed me into believing I could not live with out him and He was like god. When I finally left him after 16 years I had a mental breakdown for my mind had to learn to think for its self again. He took my children for the judge thought I was mentaly crazy. Now I have been alone since 99 and am working again at HYVEE. My oldest daughter has passed away to Cystic Fibrosis and I only get to see my daughter after school on wednesdays and every other saturday. no over nights. My psychiatrist his released me saying i don't need his services anymore i am just fine now. but still i don't get to have her over night. this man who raped and abused me has my child.

I don't understand how you can be raped by your own husband. I have not seen the show yet of course, but I can imagine she is like oh I don't feel like it tonight. Come on ladies! If you don't give it up he will start seeking other women when he can't get it at home. It is not all about you when you get married. If you don't want it, then your husband better not want it. It has to be a mutial agreement between the both of you.

Please do not assume that Rape is just a 'cliche' for a woman who had a headache that night. You would be doing a disservice to yourself and other women. Rape/Sexual Assult is a violent act prosecutable by law in all 50 States. And yes, it does/has and can occur within a marriage.

There IS such a thing as rape in marriage and I was a victim of it, along with mental, emotional and then physical abuse when the time come for me to file for divorce. The man I was married to was very controlling and it was all hush-hush outside the home. He is a total different person in public and you just knew how to act after a period of time. Nothing was ever good enough for this man/beast at all and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, have friends, he distanced me from my family, wasn't allowed to work, couldn't talk on the phone without him standing there listening to every word being said and while he was at work he would call me all day long and I had to be sure I answered the phone every time.

I was pregnant with our 4th child and he raped me. I was so sick with morning sickness for 3 weeks, I couldn't move without throwing up. He came in begging me for sex and I told him no over and over again. Couldn't he see how sick I was? He just didn't care!!! He went on to have intercourse with me by raping me. I did what I could to get away from him. I had no energy or strength to get away from him and I ended up hanging off the side of the bed crying and he finished and left me there. He came back in a few minutes later and said "I'm sorry." then left the room.

*Around a year later he attacked me again but this time I had the strength and energy to fight him off and scream even. He left hickeys all over my neck!! And he was so f&%*ing proud!!!! Makes me sick!!! So, if you are sitting there wondering and saying there is no rape in marriage think again!! I have had a hard time dealing with this and it has been over 11 years!! I divorced him not long after that and he to this day after 10 years is still doing whatever he can to control me but he is using his kids to do it. He has turned his own kids away from him. I love sex,including oral sex and love being with my man but I refuse to be forced! He used to force me into oral sex too and hold my head down so I couldn't come up. Men, when she says no she means it!!! And if you force her it IS rape!!! I don't care if you were GOD wanting to have sex with me -- if I don't want it I don't want it and if you force me or coerce me by making me feel guilty it is rape!!* If any man off the street would have done what he did to me he would have gotten thrown in jail for it. Just because he was my husband doesn't make it right. Just like if he was hitting me -- just because he was my husband doesn't make it right.

Darlene

momOffive, as a man, let me say that I am so sorry you had to live through this. I grew up in a time when the modern feminist movement was in full steam and I grew up ashamed of this aspect of "masculinity" in this society. It took me many years to realize that male power does not equal male violence.

I have a dear friend who was raped by her husband (who had a history of psychological and physical abuse, hidden were few would see it). For the sake of her children, she did not press charges and hoped that things would improve. Now, in the midst of ther divorce, he's been using every advantage against her, denying her access to their children (on the pretense that since his mother moved in with him, he can provide a better home). We've seen one boy taking on his father's violence (he's now improving with theapy). The bottom line is that since she did not press charges/file a police report at a time, in the eyes of the court, IT NEVER HAPPENED. They would not even accept the testimony of people who witnessed the physical abuse and witnessed the after effects of the sexual abuse (because they're not "experts").

No means no, no matter the prior relationship. I am starting a relationship with a new sweetie and issues of consent came up. I stressed that I recognized that no means no, even if my partner and I are engaged in sexual intercourse at the time.. If she says "No," I stop then and there. No question about it.

I applaud you OAKDRAGON--I really do. I have had a hard time trusting men and believing their sincerity. I am now engaged to be married for the third time and my fiance is careful not to do anything to force me, or any woman for that matter, into something they don't want.

When I filed for divorce and told my family they didn't understand. Everyone thought we had the perfect, happy marriage. That was what was shown on the outside to everyone. My mom and my twin sister have experienced my ex and have now seen first hand how he really is. Even in the court room he lies about everything and will say whatever he has to to make him look like a saint. He has taken me to court so many times I lost count over stupid stuff just to make ME look bad.

When things got physical between us when I filed for divorce he almost broke my arm--it was fractured and I went straight to the police and that is when they told me I probably wouldn't want to press charges...They were always on his side with everything he did to me and my kids, my home and personal things.....It makes me sick how they defended him all the way. He had even busted my front door in and then we had a prowler outside that someone had called in and the police came to my door to let me know and I told them it was probably him and that there is no way I can protect myself with my door being busted in from him......

I am probably going to write a book as I have been encouraged by sooo many people to do so - family, co-workers, pastors, counselors.... It is just going to take me years to do it with so much to put in it.

I hope that she will be able to see her husband when and if she feels like it. I also hope someone will defend her and tell her husband to buzz off when needed. If she feels the sentence is too great for him, she might be able to voice so through attorneys or family or whatnot. That doesn't give him the right to screw up her life or her his. Where is his manners? I was date raped at community college so I sort of know how it feels.

When you deal with an abuser like this you are never the same. 26 years later I still have the mental wounds that somehow won't heal. I still remember walking out of the attornies office on LaSalle street and I was so traumatized I couldn't find my way to State street. I was completely disoriented. I felt I couldn't take care of my child, my self esteem was zero. So many lies that had been said against me. I knew I had lost the war. His parents were on his side. I coudn't even defend myself. He pushed me out of the car in front of our 7 year old daughter on Stony Island and 76th on Thanksgiving weekend in the cold rain, at 9pm at night. Two men sat in a white van watching me. I acted crazy. I was a white women in a black neighborhood. They probably thought I was a cop, that is probably why they didn't harm me.
I wasn't hit but the verbal abuse was horrible and he always told me something was wrong with me because I didn't want to have sex once and awhile.and there is more abuse there that happened but he never felt he did anything wrong...not once, not once ever.. ..It was horrible. I have been in therapy for over 25 years. Some of me has recovered, but another part is lost forever. My relationship with my daughter is destroyed and I still live in fear of men, even though I am married, I feel I shouldn't be because I am so distrustfull and feel like my current husband will turn into a monster any day...He hasn't but the fear is still there in my stomach.
mms

Harpobear,
Thank you for bringing this topic to light. If we actually knew the numbers of married women who have been raped by their husbands and did file a report, I think that we would all be shocked. Even more shocking would be how many of those women were told by the police that there was nothing that they could do. I was one of the unfortunate ones who received a phone call from the investigator, my husband's friend, who horribly accused, blamed, degraded, and verbally abused me before forcefully hanging up the phone. Nothing to this day has ever done about the many times that my husband drugged, raped, and took pictures of the event with his cell phone and emailed them to show his friends, who are as sick as he is. Worse, he did this in front of our children. He then sexually abused our children, used his power and influence to cover it all up, and now has custody of our five year old twins who continue to report abuse. There is a strong link between men who rape their wives and then also sexually abuse their children.

There is a wonderful project that can be found on line called The Voices and Faces Project. I, like other brave women, told my story. Although it is so sad to see that you are not the only one as you wouldn't want this to happen to others, I did feel empowered to put the shame and the blame where it belonged- on the rapist. Isn't that what we call a person who forces someone to have sex against his or her will? Whether he is a pilot, minister, Little League Coach, or a husband, if he rapes he is a rapist. There should be no question about what the word no means. As children it is one of the first words that we are taught to keep us safe. As adults, it is the one word that should be honored with the same respect, no matter what kind of relationship you have with the person being told no. Marriage isn't a license to rape.

BabeeMine2

Reply to N6dzb9: You apparently have no idea what you are talking about. You MUST watch the show and find out what really happened to these two women. It wasn't just the rape, which is horrible, but these type of 'husbands' also try to kill them. Many succeed.

There is such a problem all over the world - men abusing women. Old traditions 'hush, do not take any divorce decision' or 'keep your family because of the children' are the real problem. There is no worst thing than the child growing up in 'fighting' situation - I mean the beating between parents and etc. A woman MUST stop the relationship with a man who abuses her or her children - because of her own and because of her children. In case a man raises his hand just once you have to be sure that this will happen again... and again...! He'll never stop voluntarily. The only way of prevention is an immediate reaction - report in police and start a divorce suit. Never mind what the people or any relatives would say. They are not walking in your shoes!

to reese1981: i hope you get caught before YOU hurt someone. unbelievable.

To all who think you can not be raped by your husband you are wrong. Just because you say I do does not mean you give up the right to say NO. This is how I came to be, my father raped my mother. I grew up feeling like I was a reminder to both of them and did not feel loved by either one of them. One day on a family outing it finally came to head in a parking lot for all to see including my two older brother's and I ( I was 4) when my mom took a knife to my dad's throat and was ready to kill him right there and then. My world stop that day and my parent's decided to get a divorce and because of these happening and more in my life I have become really good at surviving but not really good at living life because I am always waiting for the next thing to happen. My mom say I do not know how to live life unless it is in crisis.