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She is Possesive and calls to much!

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peanuts201
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Posted on Mar 14, 2008

I have a friend that calls too frequently 3-5 times per week several times a day! It is a headache especially since she has such an overbearing personality. If she didn't have an overbearing personality it would still feel like an intrusion. She is very outspoken and she tries to speak for me at times. I have often avoided her calls and ignore her statements when we are together. I really limit what we do socially because she tries to control everything. She is always sarcastic with my husband and he is with her too. From her I take it as flirty from him I take it as sticking up/defending himself (slightly). She had got to the point where if I didn't answer my phone she would call my husband and state that she is concerned, asking if I am okay because I had not returned any of her phone calls. What nerve? She has done this twice. On the second occasion she invited us to an event. She simply bypassed me, my husband was very annoyed each time she had called. I told my husband that her behavior was very inappropiate. The incident that really drew the line for me was when my husband told me that she danced provactively in front of him and his friend. At this time I told my husband that he needs to stop being sarcastic with her and that her calls are inappropiate because I would not dare call her husband or anyones husband for something like that. The circumstances would have to be at great stakes for me to do that. I have not heard from her in a few weeks I am glad but I know that I will run into her soon. My thing is I don't want to appear to be jealous or insecure if I ever brought that up but she has really crossed the line with me with the two calls and the dancing. On two previous occasions I have menitioned to her that she calls too often and she had an attitude with me and treated me with a very cold shoulder. I did not care but my feelings where hurt because I thought it was very childdish territorial behavior and I did not appreciate her reaction towards me expressing my concerns. Opinions? Thoughts.. Thanks
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Replies: 5
Click to view marie-ji's profile
marie-ji
Level 1
1. Re: She is Possesive and calls to much!
Apr 9, 2008 12:32 AM In response to: peanuts201

?:| So when are you going to put a stop and get her out of your lives.

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apple612
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2. Re: She is Possesive and calls to much!
Apr 9, 2008 3:06 AM In response to: peanuts201

I have had friends with similar behaviors before and i have learned that first of all they are not really friends and that the controlling overbearing behavior has more to do with their own issues than with you, there is something about you that makes her feel she can control you and manipulate, she likes having that power it's how she feels good about herself the more you try to resist, the more she will try to regain control by either getting angry (which she knows you will be uncomfortable with) and when that doesn't work she will probably try guilt or some other manipulation. as far as your husband, he is right to be angry because when she can't manipulate you, she tries it with him. people like this are only concerned with getting their own needs met and you are just a vehicle for them, you have to be firm and once this person realizes her manipulations aren't working she will move on to someone else.

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peanuts201
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3. Re: She is Possesive and calls to much!
Apr 15, 2008 3:11 PM In response to: marie-ji

Hi Marie-ji,

When I saw your question I smiled because I did it. I got her out of my life (our lives) and it was such a relief and a load lifted off of my shoulders. I had a phone conversation with her and I did not back down. I was very direct and explicit with her regarding her behavior and she apologized several times. I have not seen her since. The experience has helped me as an individual and I have often reflected and will look forward to healthier friendships. I will definitely know what to avoid and how to do so. This was a good learning experience.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

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peanuts201
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4. Re: She is Possesive and calls to much!
Apr 15, 2008 3:15 PM In response to: apple612

Apple612,

Everything that you have just expressed happened and is so true. I am glad that I no longer deal with this person and she is not considered a friend any longer. As I mentioned previously this was a learning experience and it taught me alot about myself and I will be more wiser and cautious.

Thanks

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suship
Level 5
5. Re: She is Possesive and calls to much!
Apr 15, 2008 3:36 PM In response to: peanuts201

peanuts201,

I had a friend who wasn't overbearing, but tended to cause drama in my circle. She would turn down invitations to parties, claiming she like more quiet, intimate evenings, but then if I EVER invited other friends to something, she would be all huffy and offended, and give me and my friends the cold shoulder. One time I managed to say that I had an invitation for one, and since it was a loud party, I invited my friend who loves big parties. However, she said she would have liked "the option", and I had to tell her that I'm not under any obligation to give her first right of refusal to everything.

It got to a point where I was unable to answer her question of "so, what did you do this weekend?" because she'd be offended that she wasn't a part of my social calendar. I finally broke off the friendship and said I'm not going to deal with this behaviour. We have since bumped into each other, and it's been fine, and really pleasant, but for a while, it was toxic.

Sometimes you just gotta take the bull by the horns.....

suship

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