Talk about "dirty laundry".....if I'm not mistaken, this man fathered a child outside of his marriage and ONLY fessed up after the mother made it public.......talk about "dirty laundry". What would have happened to his own child, had the mother not made it public? Don't get me wrong, I love Bill Cosby, but I don't think he has any business talking about "dirty laundry".

I disagree. We come from a MIGHTY people! We have never slaughter one another the way we are being slaughter. In two days, I am going to attend the funeral of my dear friend who is like a father figure. While the family was awaiting all of the children to come home to make funeral arrangements, one grown child was missing.

The police visited this grieving family to inform them there missing son/brother had been murdered. He had been robbed, his wallet was gone, his jewelry missing and he was left to die in the street like a dog! Black people have a long history and history has never been such as mess!

It is not up to the school or other instutions to clean up the mess, it is up to us!

Oprah all I can say that was the best show . and Mr.Cosby and the Dr. are so right , I have said some of the people I know from the 60's & 70's have said that they want to be there kids friend and not bring them up the way there parents did them. some let them have sex ,drink,do drug at home and that is Not good . I wish Mr. Cosby could come to MI ( Det, Ypsi , Ann Arbor) and talk to some of these people out hear.

For those that missed the last 15 minutes, they spent about 5 minutes talking about not spanking kids and then told people to go to oprah.com to find alternatives to spanking.

I have been waiting years for Oprah to have someone on her show that said not to spank kids and it had to go and get cut out by Bush. AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

There is a huge misconception that disciplining children has to include spanking. Spanking is not discipline...it is punishment. And children do not need to be punished. Punishment takes very little creativity and communication on the parents side - a spanking is done and over, a timeout involves a child being left alone to ponder their actions. But discipline is more work for a parent and it takes more time, which we are all short of. When a child is hit in response to an action that a parent feels is inappropriate, what are they learning? They are learning to deal with problems with violence, they are learning to be afraid of their parents, they are learning to be afraid of making wrong choices and not having anyone to help them figure out how to make something right, they are learning to hide things from their parents, they are learning to be angry - all the WRONG things we should be teaching our kids.

If one had a disagreement with a spouse and they hit them, it would be abuse. But it would also not solve the problem. How are most problems solved effectively? By talking and teaching.

I often read about parents that spank their kids because they run out in the street. It is fast and effective because it makes the child afraid to run out in the street. But what happens when the parent isn't there? The child hasn't learned how dangerous it is to run in the street...the lesson that the spanking taught was to not run in the street when a parent is around. How about taking the child and teaching them how to cross the street the right way? Do it every single time you are outside, over and over. Explain what could happen if a car came and how sad you would be.

I have two kids (2 & 4) that have never been spanked and never will be. We don't do any type of punishment, including timeouts. And I am constantly being told how well behaved they are, what a delight they are to be around, how polite they are, and how respectful they are. We respect our children and they know it.

We need to be better teachers to our children. Stop the hitting and increase the talking and explaining and teaching!

The term "white racist" is an oxymoron??? WOW...

In popular usage, the term oxymoron is sometimes used more loosely, in the sense of a simple contradiction in terms.

Often this kind
of argument is used in domains of political or ideological dispute...

I'm sorry..I was hoping we coudl ALL claim this problem as members of the HUMAN race...maybe that by pulling together we would be stronger and wiser. The collective power of love??

And for the guy who wants women to stay home and the "government" to subsidize black businesses--there are loans for women and minority business owners. I think what Dr. Cosby was tlaking about is re-invigorating people to have the WILL to take the necessary steps to better their lives. Like doing away with the "cultural" ideas that it's OK to have babies instead of finishing high school, that it's OK for boys/men to abandon their children, that it's OK fro masses fo boys to QUIT high school. And those are all CHOICES people make--what Drs. Cosby and Poussaint talk about is better parenting to HELP the kids make the better choices that will lead to better lives. Less poverty--adn STOP supporting the music and sports stars kids look up to who get arrested, act like gangsters, treat women badly. Those people should be seen as having problems, being rude, whatever, but NOT IDOLIZED...

My sister works, her husband stays home and takes care of the baby...I think this should be allowed, supported, encouraged, if it is waht is good for that family.

You knwo what, though? It reminds me of soemthing Ive noticed in my
own neighborhood. I live in a predominantly balck neighborhood, and I
am not black. Ever since I moved in over 3 years ago I ahve tried to
befriend my neighbors. A couple seemed kind of standoffish until
recently--I think maybe they jsut wanted to see if I was going to
stay. I don't care about skin pigment, I dont' care about people's
cutural background. But dang it--I ahve started going to the corner
store more here lately, and those women in there treat me like--well, I
guess tehy jsut don't trust me or soemthing. But geez louise...I see
teh same ladies several times a week and it feels like I ahve dog turds
hanging from my neck. It is important to me to be aprt of my
neighborhood. I was taught to smile and wave at people, go meet new
neighbors...havign good relationships with neighbors is like being
friends with the secretary at work--they make the world go round. I
believe in knowing ans supporting each other...but to be so cold CAUSE
I'M WHITE??? I personally NEVEr did anything to anyone. Period. I
WANT to know my neighbors. It's kind of baffling. I also think that
when you have a negaative attitude, you attract negativity to you.
It's all kind of complex and confusing at times.

Now I KNOW I'm on the Oprah website. You MUST be kidding? The "myth" of black folks calling each other out for "actin' white?" That's not a MYTH it's A FACT. Or better yet, let's call him "Carlton" or "wigger" or "Oreo" or "backpacker" (ok, maybe not backpacker, but it is a type of hip-hopper)... Doing well is school is not something encouraged PERIOD. You don't need people from on high, Oprah, or anyone else to tell you that. Take the advice of one of the other posters and GO INTO THE SCHOOLS YOURSELF. Oftentimes you can't even get past the guard. Think that's becuse of security? Think again. I'm sure most urban school systems are so tight on the front gates with visitors because they don't want the secret to get out. NOTHING EDUCATIONALLY IS GOING ON! And when something does try to go on - i.e. teachers teaching innovatively, or successfully reaching students, those entrenched (oak trees I call them) try to knock a "younger" teacher down for being too "hip" or "friendly" with the students! This is stupid!

Education needs to be valued. Teachers need to reach students where they are at to take them to heights they haven't even dreamed of. Outside people, need to get educated on what really is going on before they make comments as if they are experts. "Black America needs to take back control in raising and nurturing it's youth???" Please, we need an education to rebuild the so called Black community. Too many people have left and forgot where they came from.

Observation. In those so called "churches" you see on every corner, what else is on that same 4 corners? A quickie mart (or botega depending on where you are) a vacant lot, and....a liquor store. Which "church" do you think is winning? The gospel of Matthew, Mark and Luke, or the gospel of Johnny, Remy and Jack?

WHOA....you can't HONESLTY say teh cops make it worse...In my town (arguably one of the more violent), we REGULARLY have black guys--young guys-- shootign other black guys. FRIENDS who think it's ok to shoot each other. I would like to do away with THAT notion. ANd you know what?? It's the cops out there who try to clean up the mess. IT IS NOT OK TO SHOOT OTHER PEOPLE. YOu KNOW there is a lot of black on black crime...it's AWFUL!!! We shoudl not stand for it. Well, I happen to live in a town with a much higher than average number of black citizens, so maybe we see more instances of this...And I know some cops get bad...but god, not everyone is going to like me, soem things are unfair. If there are institutional problems with one group being treated unfairly, We need to clean them up. There shoudl NEVER be racism tolerated at ANY work place, and certainly not in the police departments.

I also have some ideas about cops and how they treat people on teh street. Hang on a minute. When a cop is out on the street he is responsible for HIS safety, YOUR safety, MY safety, and trying to uphold the rules. But mainly he's CONSTANTLY trying to assess teh situation for it's safety. They tend to get kind of pumped up because that is stressful. When they stop you, they don't KNOW you. And here's the brass ring: When a cop says jump? you say how high, officer? This is jsut a fact. BECAUSE of the psychological position they are in, DOING their jobs, IT IS IMPERATIVE that we COOPERATE. When we do not cooperate, their danger assessment goes up a notch. When we yell and call names, the danger assessment goes up another notch. For MY own good, I know I must DO WHAT THE GUY WITH THE GUN AND BADGE tells me to do. IT's the nature of the beast, and I don't think we ahve done a good enough job letting folks understand how this works.

I was Talking about this with a friend who is a cop recently (happens to be black...whatever) because of that reporter for the NY Times who wrote that piece "Reporting while balck." He had gone to a gang/drug hangout in a smaller southern city and the cops zoomed up and started rounding everybody up. This reporter starts shouting "you don't have the right to do this, this is not legal, blah blah blah" Needless to say, he did not like how he was treated. Later, after showing his ID he started talking to them and they said they are tryign to clear out crime hotspots with a loitering ordinance. What MY cop friend and I talked about is that the guy got roughed up cause he was being beligerant to the cops when they got there where he was ahnging out with guys who were CLEARLY breaking laws (he had seen some drug deals while he was there). When the cops get there (and in this case THERE was a KNOWN, active crime spot), they don't know who's doing what, they have to sort it out. The CLEAR way to get their attention is to fight and kick and scream. They have a job to do and like it or not, the dangers tehy face put them in a psychological position that makes it so if you get unruly with them, they are going to up the ante for you--their first priority is not letting a bad situation escalate into a tragic one...My friend and I concluded that in these situations, the COP is ALWAYS in charge. it's the price of having them. Just be nice, if you haven't doen anything wrong, it will get straightened out. They should teach THAT in high school.

One more thing--ONE reason so many black offenders end up in jail rather than probation or found innocent is the POVERTY. The more expensive lawyer you can get, usually, teh better you end up. And again??? Teh families are poor cause the teens having babies, the daddies not hanging around, teh ACCEPTANCE of hoards of kids dropping out of school so the only jobs they can get are at McDonald's, and grandmothers doing the best they can.

Why don't we change the rules and say a 16 year old CAN'T drop out of high shcool??? I' haven't heard THAT idea floated. That would be one thing we coudl do as a SOCIETY to at least get kids THAT much farther down the road.

We COULD change our system of education to be more like the French system, where kids are divied up by interest in junior high, then educated for what tehy want to do in the future. NOT everyone is going to go to college, not eveyone NEEDS to go to college, but it WOULD help if we coudl get kids training in auto mechanics or some other technical field--maybe some kind of compuiter training---things they are more INTERESTED in. Then they woudl have a PAYING skill when they get doen, and maybe not think school is so irrelevant to their lives. I've thought we shoudl do this for 20 years...

I reall think it might solve soem soci-economic problems. Why give all teh kids a cookie cutter education--they are not cookie cutter kids. Teach kids what they NEED to know for the direction they want to head in, not the smae old crap everyone else is taking.

Bottom line is we aren't very good at taking care of our social problems in America...we are mor interested in wars for oil, big business, and Posh Spice--or whoever.

Oh, and I did not knwo what you meant by letting outside hands discipline black kids--Can you explain that??

I can't tell if you're a libertarian or republican but the label doesn't matter. Most importantly, please spell check your post before you put it up for all to see.

I think your logic is somewhat convoluted, but heading in the right direction. You think we should teach children that the cops are ALWAYS right? Come on now....Tell Rodney King the cops were right. Tell Mumia the cops were right. Tell Emmett Till the cops were right. We can't go saying all cops are bad, but we can't quite give them the gold star either.

Yes, there is a certain way we should teach youth to address officers (or anyone in a position of authority) and THAT'S what's missing. Many youth don't respect authority. You can't blame music, you can't blame teachers, that comes from home. As the son of a single mother, she taught me authority and made sure I learned right from wrong not just from her but from the Village. Unfortunately many of our villages these days are filled with village idiots rather than "big momma's" teaching us life lessons.

i have a story to tell i was taking my grand kids to school and i have three of the most beatiful boys they are mixed, and gabe saids to me nanny i said gabe. he said i am brown. i stop the car looked at my grand son and said . gabe didn't you noteice i am color bline. you could be purple and i would never know. also the n word is not allow in my house. it is a nasty word and i will not allow it here.i try my best, to tell them that love has no color,my daughter is one of them raising three little boys by her self, so we(my hubby and i do our best to help her) she now has found a man who think of the kids as his own and they will be married in the spring,i thank god for all my grandkids. thanks bill

barbara
mysticwitchus@yahoo.com

All the points that Mr. Cosby speaks/writes about are right on, but I kept waiting for him to talk about HOW to teach change.
I am an outreach coordinator and have direct day to day contact with the exact population he speaks about. I want to make a change, but how do you teach people to want more? To want a different life? To want a better life?
Any suggestions?

It is unfortunate that situations occur even though the parents have been supportive and they have provided great examples. I believe the point of Dr. Cosby's call out was to wake up America. It is our job as parents, educators, clergy, society to redefine the word pride. We need to establish the boundaries that kids cannot cross, and teach them that they are responsible for the actions. Is some one to blame? I think that is a question that can only be answered on a personal level. I do not think it is our responsibility to assign that title of blame, it is our responsibilty to do the job of parenting/teaching no matter our role in the situation. The way to solve the problem is to show children that we are not amused by their disrespectful language, their gang life or their mockery of education. We must stop being fearful of correcting someone else's child. If they are being a delinquent then it is our responsibility as society to tell them that we are not impressed. It is that child's parent's responsibility to follow through with that message. The labels are not what is being challenged here (geek, nerd, gang banger...), the challenge is for parents to take a proactive approach for every child. If a student calls your child a geek, stand up and show that student that you are not impressed. Model the attitude of respect and self-worth and it will be followed. Pride should be hard to obtain, it should be something that everyone continuously strives to achieve. Pride is not bullying some, and it is not being the homeroom mom. Pride is striving to do your best to succeed in life, it is an ongoing process. It is regretful that parents like yourself are doing all you can to do what is right for your child, and the end result is that your child is picked on. I think Dr. Cosby's message would be to show your child that the titles are not the definition, it is the postive and meaningful effort that they put into their life that matters. Then take the hand of that child that is calling your child names, and show him the same message. It is not all about throwing it on the school system. It is about working together. We are all responsible.... the word is responsible, not blameful.

As founder of The Virtues Project, I want to applaud Dr. Cosby and Dr. Poussaint for speaking out on the elephant in the American living room and for their courageous call to action to African-American parents, and to ALL of us, that it is time for a spiritual and cultural shift, time to raise our children to know who they are. They are people of kindness, courage, purpose, and integrity. These virtues are their birthright and their destiny. All of us can do our part to heal racism, to raise expectations of all of our children becoming good and becoming smart, to provide meaningful work, to offer hope. Parents can replace shaming labels with a language of encouragement, they can set clear boundaries, and be much more present in their children's lives, from checking out what's under the mattress to bedside talks about what's going on in their kids' lives. Thank you, Oprah, for airing this crucial issue, which is at the very heart of the matter in healing America.

I have this idea of a program called "Parenting Partners". The end goal is to get multiple, responsible adults into the home for joint raising of kids and home management. I believe if women joined together they will realize the resources already exist within themselves. It could be encouraged or offered through a Social Services agency or maybe a not-for-profit organization. It would coordinate the efforts of 2 or even 3 women interested in the mutual benefit that multiple adults can provide to children under one roof. Of course fathers should be encouraged to parent their kids, but women shouldnl't wait. Parents need help raising their kids on a daily basis, I can imagine the amount of pressure a single parent must endure is crushing. Here's how I envision a "Parenting Partners" program would play out: a woman is overwhelmed working and managing home affairs. She signs up to be matched with another woman based on common values and interests. She undergoes a background check and personality questionaire. She attends a local meeting, much like speed-dating, at the end of which the coordinator provides the matches. The women take it from there to contact each other agree to take the next step forward. They get sample contracts from the agency and pick and choose the points to be included in their contract. Not all women want to stay home 24/7 - why can't they be matched up with another woman who feels compelled to be a stay-at-home mom? Since research shows it's the quality of parenting, not the amount of one-on-one time that results in well adjusted people, 2 or 3 working women could hammer out an arrangement to make sure all hours are covered, parent-teacher-conferences, homework, doctor visits etc. are covered. Idealy additional resouces would be provided through the program to cover subjects such as literacy, finances, parenting, mental health and stress management. Just as marriage is a contract that provides a relationship framework for the mutual benefit of the parties and their offspring, and peace of mind, I don't think its too far fetched to think that women can work out a defined agreement to help each other in this crucial area. As governments are slow as mud and action is needed now, this would have to be offered on a "grass roots" level perhaps through a church or parenting support group. As a stay-at-home mom of 3 with a bachelor's degree in business, I am always thinking of solutions. I believe the resources already exist, they just need to be reformulated. I live in the East Bay region near San Francisco. As busy as life is, I feel strongly enough about this to put myself out there. If there is positive response I can offer a way to get in contact. I just created an email address: parentingpartners@hotmail.com. I'm hoping that Mr. Cosby (I'm a huge admirer, by the way) will use his considerable clout to get some creative minds together to promote simple, practical and above all, tangible solutions. He's sounded the horn, now let's move forward and actually do something.

Where do you think the term "baby daddy" came from. You only have to watch one of the Maury episodes where they do paternity testing to see the attitude these people have when it comes to having sex with anyone and everyone with no concern for the outcome. The mothers only seem to be interested in how much child support they are going to get. I personally knew of a situation where a young woman made a career of seducing married men and intentionally getting pregnant so she could get child support. With 70% of black babies being born to single mothers, I don't see much hope. Plus, I don't understand how so many of them can blame it all on them being subject to prejudice.

I am white and I live in a mixed neighborhood. We have White, Vietnamese, Hispanic and Blacks. All you have to do is ride through the neighborhood and look at the way the homes and yards are kept up to figure out where the Blacks live.

It all comes down to self-respect.