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Posted on Mar 18, 2008 2:13 PM
These teachings have given me a profound new insight into a transformation that began for me 8 years ago.
At that time I was thrown into the agony of a relationship collapse that happened completely, unexpectedly, and suddenly. I had always assumed that the only way to cope with heartbreak was to just bear down and try to suppress it and suffer through it for many months while the pain gradually tamped down and went underground. This is how I had always done it before, but this time I focused on the physical manifestations of the emotional pain. This was miraculous. Over the course of a single week I worked through all the stages of grief, with amazing flashes of insight and joy interspersed through the intense pain of the experience. I have never experienced such intense emotional pain at any other time in my life, but as I was experiencing it, there was a still small voice within me who cheered me on and encouraged me and provided strength to embrace the experience head on. I had always fled from these experiences before, expending all my energy to suppress them. But this time, I poured out every ounce of my energy to meet the pain head on and let it work. At the end of that week I was exhausted, but felt clean and peaceful and strong and vulerable and whole.
The way this happened was that whenever I felt a wave of emotional pain overcoming me, I would focus all my attention on the physical manifestation in my body. At first this was a lump in my throat and tightness in my chest as I experienced the loss and longing for the lost relationship. When I felt the symptoms in my body I would concentrate all my energy on experiencing the physical sensations of the grief. Within seconds, the symptom would ease and I would be washed with a sense of peace. Then, over the next few minutes an insight would come, followed by another wave of pain. This happened over and over, day and night for a week. As the week progressed, the physical symptoms of grief shifted from my throat and chest to my abdomen as I began to feel the nagging fear of being alone. Still I focused on the physical expression in my stomach, and still the peace and insight came. By the end of the week the physical expression was tension in my neck and shoulders as I worked through anger and resentment. I found during this week that I was uncovering and resolving relationship truama from my entire life in addition to the currently painful break-up. By the time it was over, I was a different person than I had always believed myself to be. Throughout this experience, I was alone, with no help or guidance except from the small inner voice.
Since that initial experience, I have also learned that physical pain is responsive to this process. I can often diffuse physical pain by focusing on the actual sensation rather than the internal ego narrative about how bad it is. The pain does not always go away, but it is rarely as bad as my mind is telling me it is. (This is very effective in the dentist chair.) It is also effective when I am in a cold place without warm enough clothing. I have found that examining the actual sensation of being cold transforms it from a perceived difficulty to an interesting and stimulating physical experience.
What I am seeing now is that the process I have been using to focus on my physical body and it's sensations during an emotional or physical crisis is exactly what Eckhart is talking about. It involves tuning into my real self in the present moment and what is going on within me rather than feeding the narrative of catastrophe. This has the effect of dissipating the narrative naturally and easily and replacing it with insights about my true reality as a person. I am really excited about this teaching. My experience beginning 8 years ago has been focused on how to deal with difficult emotions but now I see that the very same principles are much broader and apply to my entire life. I already know how powerful this is, I just had no idea what broad sweep it has in human experience.
At that time I was thrown into the agony of a relationship collapse that happened completely, unexpectedly, and suddenly. I had always assumed that the only way to cope with heartbreak was to just bear down and try to suppress it and suffer through it for many months while the pain gradually tamped down and went underground. This is how I had always done it before, but this time I focused on the physical manifestations of the emotional pain. This was miraculous. Over the course of a single week I worked through all the stages of grief, with amazing flashes of insight and joy interspersed through the intense pain of the experience. I have never experienced such intense emotional pain at any other time in my life, but as I was experiencing it, there was a still small voice within me who cheered me on and encouraged me and provided strength to embrace the experience head on. I had always fled from these experiences before, expending all my energy to suppress them. But this time, I poured out every ounce of my energy to meet the pain head on and let it work. At the end of that week I was exhausted, but felt clean and peaceful and strong and vulerable and whole.
The way this happened was that whenever I felt a wave of emotional pain overcoming me, I would focus all my attention on the physical manifestation in my body. At first this was a lump in my throat and tightness in my chest as I experienced the loss and longing for the lost relationship. When I felt the symptoms in my body I would concentrate all my energy on experiencing the physical sensations of the grief. Within seconds, the symptom would ease and I would be washed with a sense of peace. Then, over the next few minutes an insight would come, followed by another wave of pain. This happened over and over, day and night for a week. As the week progressed, the physical symptoms of grief shifted from my throat and chest to my abdomen as I began to feel the nagging fear of being alone. Still I focused on the physical expression in my stomach, and still the peace and insight came. By the end of the week the physical expression was tension in my neck and shoulders as I worked through anger and resentment. I found during this week that I was uncovering and resolving relationship truama from my entire life in addition to the currently painful break-up. By the time it was over, I was a different person than I had always believed myself to be. Throughout this experience, I was alone, with no help or guidance except from the small inner voice.
Since that initial experience, I have also learned that physical pain is responsive to this process. I can often diffuse physical pain by focusing on the actual sensation rather than the internal ego narrative about how bad it is. The pain does not always go away, but it is rarely as bad as my mind is telling me it is. (This is very effective in the dentist chair.) It is also effective when I am in a cold place without warm enough clothing. I have found that examining the actual sensation of being cold transforms it from a perceived difficulty to an interesting and stimulating physical experience.
What I am seeing now is that the process I have been using to focus on my physical body and it's sensations during an emotional or physical crisis is exactly what Eckhart is talking about. It involves tuning into my real self in the present moment and what is going on within me rather than feeding the narrative of catastrophe. This has the effect of dissipating the narrative naturally and easily and replacing it with insights about my true reality as a person. I am really excited about this teaching. My experience beginning 8 years ago has been focused on how to deal with difficult emotions but now I see that the very same principles are much broader and apply to my entire life. I already know how powerful this is, I just had no idea what broad sweep it has in human experience.
