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Posted on Feb 13, 2008 12:52 PM
Hi everyone,
I am new to the message board, but I would like to hear what other Married women in my situation have done and what has worked for them. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, he is 10 years my senior and we have no kids. Since I meet my husband we have been been fighting about his gambling. Since I have known him, I have known about his gambling, at first, not that it was a problem( addiction), but I learnt that as time and the years went by. We were introduce by a friend of mine, and that weekend they introduced us we all actually took a trip to AC to " go have some fun". Later on in our courtship I started realizing that he had a problem. He would want to go to AC at least once a month, gambles with his pay check, looses it, I mean I remember him going with once chek loosing it when he got paid next going with that and loosing that. So he would work all month and gamble his whole months salary. Then after the loss he has to ask others to loan him the money, would be upset when relatives wont loan him the money so he could pay his rent or would end up getting a cash advance from his job. I would tell him, I am happy they are not loaning you money cause they would be helping you with your habbit if you think you can lose and then just go to them. On weekends when we went while we were dating he would start giving me his chips as he won, so that I could hold on to them so he would walk away with something. It never worked though because he would ask for them back or rather DEMAND! them back, so to avoid confrontation I would give them to him and it was his money so I would just give it to him. One weekend after we left one casino after he lost a couple hundred I told him that we should leave. He did not want to, and actually jacked me up at the casino doors because I tried to turn around saying that I was not going. RED FLAG! that was my first experience of abuse with him. A security guard actully saw it happen and he let me go. I proceeded to the parking lot and stayed in the car in the garage for a couple hours until he came back from the other casino. Ofcourse he lost again. I think he lost 1200.00 that day. more than half his paycheck! and none of his bills for the month were paid yet. On the ride home he apologized and we went back to the same gambling thing. Years have gone by and he still does it. We got married a year and a half into our dating, bought a house a year later. During our marriage he still does the same, not as often, but a couple times a year he sneaks away, lies about where he is going, or takes a day off work and not tell me and goes up there. We were 2 months behind once on our mortgage, thank god a refinance came through and we were able to get caught up. He has done it a couple other times where we were a month behind on the mortgage but comes up with the money eventually so we could get it paid. He gambles on everything, Daily numbers, Football, Basket ball everything. For his birthday we planned a trip to NY via NJ we ended up staying in NJ ( which I knew eventually was the actual plan and the NY trip was just a ploy) We stayed at a hotel in AC because he got free rooms for the weekend of his birthday. That first night I heard him sneak an go out to the casino early that morning. I did not get up and say anything because I knew he would go anyway. The next day, I got ready for breakfast he said he would be right back he ws going to get a comp, that took him 2 hours. ( I knew he was down there gambling). That sunday when we got home I realised that 800.00 was missing from one of my accounts. I saw the withdrawal location so I knew it was him. I confronted him about it and he apologized and replaced the money the next day. He seemed to think that because he replaced it I should not say anything about it again. As I told him that is stealing, I have bills to pay and that money was in there for that. Its does not make it any less stealing becayse you put it back the next day. I had left the house one weekend because I was so upset and wanted him to see that I will leave if he continues this way. He kept calling me but I did not answer the phone. I came back to the house only really to check on my dog that monday morning before I went to work. I went home that evening and he aplogized, but I knew it would happen again unless he got help. I want him to get help, but he is in denial, he always says " you act like I have a gambling problem" I'm like, you do but you dont want to admit it. I have found Gamblers meeting groups in our area for US to go, but everytime I remind him about it, he does not want to go. I am so frustrated and just at my wits end with this. I dont think I can stay in this marriage if he does not try to get some help and stop the gambling. But I cant help him if he does not want to get help. I dont plan to wait forever until he realises he needs help! I love me husband and though we have other issues this is the biggest and I need him to get some help so that I can stay in this marriage. SO last weekend he lied and said he was taking a friend to visit his brother and would be gone the friday night, from the time he told me I knew that was a lie and where he was really going. That day he did not call me all day, did not answer his phone, Came back the next morning acting like everything was ok. I ignored him all day that saturday and sunday and he never said a word about where he was and I did not ask, because I wanted him to say it to me first. The monday I did not call him all day or take any of his calls.That is another problem I have to deal with when he goes( he does not answer his phone or call me) does not call me or answer his phone and stay out all night. So when I get home he is upset as to why I did not answer my phone all day and why I did not call him. I said do you forget what you did this weekend. Thats a little how I feel, because I dont know whats going on with you and you seem to not care cause you just act like you dont have a wife at home. So he apologises and says well I see how you feel I wont do it again. Think how I feel when you dont answer you phone all day and dont call me, and do not come home that night. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL.. On top of that He tells me I deposited some money in your account, do not use it. I am like why did you deposit money in my account. So he forges my signature on one of my checks and writes a check out of my account, thats why he did that. An again acts like its no big deal because he puts the money back. I could say so much, but this is how far his gambling has taken him.
Gosh there is so much but this gambling thing is so frustrating and I am trying to hold on and stay in it and be a supportive wife, but I cant help him, if he does not think he needs help and is not willing to get it! What do you suggest? What has been your experience?
I am new to the message board, but I would like to hear what other Married women in my situation have done and what has worked for them. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, he is 10 years my senior and we have no kids. Since I meet my husband we have been been fighting about his gambling. Since I have known him, I have known about his gambling, at first, not that it was a problem( addiction), but I learnt that as time and the years went by. We were introduce by a friend of mine, and that weekend they introduced us we all actually took a trip to AC to " go have some fun". Later on in our courtship I started realizing that he had a problem. He would want to go to AC at least once a month, gambles with his pay check, looses it, I mean I remember him going with once chek loosing it when he got paid next going with that and loosing that. So he would work all month and gamble his whole months salary. Then after the loss he has to ask others to loan him the money, would be upset when relatives wont loan him the money so he could pay his rent or would end up getting a cash advance from his job. I would tell him, I am happy they are not loaning you money cause they would be helping you with your habbit if you think you can lose and then just go to them. On weekends when we went while we were dating he would start giving me his chips as he won, so that I could hold on to them so he would walk away with something. It never worked though because he would ask for them back or rather DEMAND! them back, so to avoid confrontation I would give them to him and it was his money so I would just give it to him. One weekend after we left one casino after he lost a couple hundred I told him that we should leave. He did not want to, and actually jacked me up at the casino doors because I tried to turn around saying that I was not going. RED FLAG! that was my first experience of abuse with him. A security guard actully saw it happen and he let me go. I proceeded to the parking lot and stayed in the car in the garage for a couple hours until he came back from the other casino. Ofcourse he lost again. I think he lost 1200.00 that day. more than half his paycheck! and none of his bills for the month were paid yet. On the ride home he apologized and we went back to the same gambling thing. Years have gone by and he still does it. We got married a year and a half into our dating, bought a house a year later. During our marriage he still does the same, not as often, but a couple times a year he sneaks away, lies about where he is going, or takes a day off work and not tell me and goes up there. We were 2 months behind once on our mortgage, thank god a refinance came through and we were able to get caught up. He has done it a couple other times where we were a month behind on the mortgage but comes up with the money eventually so we could get it paid. He gambles on everything, Daily numbers, Football, Basket ball everything. For his birthday we planned a trip to NY via NJ we ended up staying in NJ ( which I knew eventually was the actual plan and the NY trip was just a ploy) We stayed at a hotel in AC because he got free rooms for the weekend of his birthday. That first night I heard him sneak an go out to the casino early that morning. I did not get up and say anything because I knew he would go anyway. The next day, I got ready for breakfast he said he would be right back he ws going to get a comp, that took him 2 hours. ( I knew he was down there gambling). That sunday when we got home I realised that 800.00 was missing from one of my accounts. I saw the withdrawal location so I knew it was him. I confronted him about it and he apologized and replaced the money the next day. He seemed to think that because he replaced it I should not say anything about it again. As I told him that is stealing, I have bills to pay and that money was in there for that. Its does not make it any less stealing becayse you put it back the next day. I had left the house one weekend because I was so upset and wanted him to see that I will leave if he continues this way. He kept calling me but I did not answer the phone. I came back to the house only really to check on my dog that monday morning before I went to work. I went home that evening and he aplogized, but I knew it would happen again unless he got help. I want him to get help, but he is in denial, he always says " you act like I have a gambling problem" I'm like, you do but you dont want to admit it. I have found Gamblers meeting groups in our area for US to go, but everytime I remind him about it, he does not want to go. I am so frustrated and just at my wits end with this. I dont think I can stay in this marriage if he does not try to get some help and stop the gambling. But I cant help him if he does not want to get help. I dont plan to wait forever until he realises he needs help! I love me husband and though we have other issues this is the biggest and I need him to get some help so that I can stay in this marriage. SO last weekend he lied and said he was taking a friend to visit his brother and would be gone the friday night, from the time he told me I knew that was a lie and where he was really going. That day he did not call me all day, did not answer his phone, Came back the next morning acting like everything was ok. I ignored him all day that saturday and sunday and he never said a word about where he was and I did not ask, because I wanted him to say it to me first. The monday I did not call him all day or take any of his calls.That is another problem I have to deal with when he goes( he does not answer his phone or call me) does not call me or answer his phone and stay out all night. So when I get home he is upset as to why I did not answer my phone all day and why I did not call him. I said do you forget what you did this weekend. Thats a little how I feel, because I dont know whats going on with you and you seem to not care cause you just act like you dont have a wife at home. So he apologises and says well I see how you feel I wont do it again. Think how I feel when you dont answer you phone all day and dont call me, and do not come home that night. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL.. On top of that He tells me I deposited some money in your account, do not use it. I am like why did you deposit money in my account. So he forges my signature on one of my checks and writes a check out of my account, thats why he did that. An again acts like its no big deal because he puts the money back. I could say so much, but this is how far his gambling has taken him.
Gosh there is so much but this gambling thing is so frustrating and I am trying to hold on and stay in it and be a supportive wife, but I cant help him, if he does not think he needs help and is not willing to get it! What do you suggest? What has been your experience?
