Posted on Jun 10, 2009 3:49 PM
If Jesus Only Knew
By Bryan Beal
I sat to write a letter sharing from my deepest heart.
I wanted to make it clear - right from the very start -
Of the broken man I had become, covered up in sin.
I wanted Jesus to understand the man I was within.
In order to survive the attacks I had to suffer through;
The very words I wrote were "if Jesus only knew."
Maybe He could look past the man and see the shattered heart.
If only He could see my pain then maybe I could start
To explain the pain and the fear I feel so much inside,
And could confess the many tears at night that I have cried.
With everything I had felt and had to suffer through,
I couldn't keep from saying "if Jesus only knew."
Perhaps He would understand my need to just surrender
And put an end to the war against this man with no defender.
If only He could grasp my feelings of deep despair,
then maybe He could forgive the sins that easily ensnare.
After all, being a mortal man, I had taken all I could.
It was then that Jesus reminded me He knew just where I stood.
He reminded me how He suffered at the hands of so-called friends.
Who - one by one - abandoned him right to the very end.
This man by sin was tempted but fared much better than me.
From the entanglement of sin He was able to stay free.
The feelings of loneliness and the emotional loss
Were feelings HE experienced while hanging on a cross.
I broke down and cried at the thought of how I failed.
That with every sin I did commit another hand was nailed.
"But Jesus," I said, "you just don't know the pain I feel inside."
With teary eyes He said to me "it's for that pain I died."
With that I stopped. I wiped my eyes. My letter was finally through.
For I had come to realize that Jesus already knew.
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