Falling off the wagon? I fell off the entire trail!!!

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katt1971
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Posted on Apr 7, 2009 10:40 AM

First of all, I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I did this to myself and I need to face it head on. About 3 years ago my entire life changed and I didn't know how to accept the changes and I let a man take control of every aspect of my life, even though he was leaving my lfe.

I had started a solid weight loss plan. I joined the Y so I could swim. I love to swim because not only is the exercise great, it's a way to release stress, to be alone and just let my thoughts pour out of me..... a form of therapy if you will. In one year's time, I had lost 64 lbs and had crashed that 300 lb weight that was sucking the life right out of me. I went back to college to finish the 1 year I had left for my degree. Not only did I feel great, I looked great! I was finally enjoying life!

Then I found out my husband was cheating on me with my best friend! My entire world came to a screeching halt!! Not only had I lost my husband but I had lost my best friend as well. She was my biggest supporter through the weight loss and it helped me tremendously!

Suddenly, I found myself a single mom, having to take a job to support myself and my 2 sons. I struggled financially, emotionally, physically and found myself getting involved in a relationship that became abusive. I had no money for the Y membership so I lost that as well. My sons lost respect for me due to the new man in my life and they went to live with their father. The new guy eventually cheated, told me how fat and disgusting I am and that no one will ever love a loser like me. How did I ever get to this point in my life???

Now I am back at over 300 lbs, done with that relationship but still struggling emotionally, physically and financially. I can feel myself getting heavier each day and I fear I will not be around for my sons. I feel like the world is laughing at me.

How does one overcome where I am?? I want to but have NO support to do so! I want so bad to get MYSELF back, to get this weight off and start living again!!!! I know I need help so someone please tell me where to start????

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Replies: 3
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breny1954
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1. Re: Falling off the wagon? I fell off the entire trail!!!
Apr 16, 2009 3:44 PM   |   In response to: katt1971

Hi Katt:

This is my first time writing to someone on oprah.com. I've been surfing the internet most of the day looking for (I don't really know what). An answer to my weight issues? I really think I need to be asking some questions of myself instead. Why do I find myself losing and regaining the same pounds over and over again? You are showing so much courage by trying to find answers yourself. I need to lose about 40 lbs., and I know you're probably thinking "big deal", but the point is, I still have major issues where food and feeling good about myself are concerned. I've recently rejoined a Curves for Women in my area, and I think this is a good start. But I know deep down that it's all about deep down issues I have that manifests itself in weight gain, depression and overall poor health. Are you on any type of healthy eating plan right now? My biggest problem is getting and keeping motivated. I know what I need to do, but I really must not want to make the necessary changes in my life, or I would, don't you think? So good luck to you, and I sure hope you get on the road to complete health and happiness.

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freemjl
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2. Re: Falling off the wagon? I fell off the entire trail!!!
Apr 17, 2009 7:04 PM   |   In response to: katt1971

Hi Katt:

You sound sooo sad. Those two bums who were in your life are certainly not worth the air they are given to breath. Move on and don't allow anymore men in your life until you are healed and feeling like you could conquer the world. You need to focus on you. Sounds to me like you don't like yourself a whole lot right now. May I suggest that maybe you are strugging with depression. I am not a physician or a health care worker just a mom who has struggled with depression a good part of my life. Along with it comes weight gain, self hatred, fatigue and a host of other issues. Maybe if you could see a doctor and get some help it would be a starting point for you and then you could tackle the other issues in your life. Remember, I said leave the men out of the equation for now. Focus on you and you only. Your sons will understand if you talk with them and ask for their help. Reach out to those who love you.

Good luck to you!!!

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Click to view franzeska's profile
franzeska
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3. Re: Falling off the wagon? I fell off the entire trail!!!
Apr 19, 2009 5:44 AM   |   In response to: katt1971

You mention how much you enjoy swimming. The Y that I belong to has financial aid available. Please call you local Y and see if you can do that. I think the swimming will pick up your spirits and help you in you get back to good health. Just a small step in the right direction.

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