written by Wendy Franklin Muhammad

"Other folk's problems will kill you." From my Mom

This year I am continuing a commitment I made to myself last year. 2008 marked a new beginning for me in that I started to love myself again. Prior to 2008, I was in my 2^nd year (or maybe 3^rd - it's all a blur) with my Entertainment Consulting business. I was also taking classes in Emotional Intelligence, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Life Coaching, managing several Artists and focusing on everyone and every thing else, but myself. I didn't feel good physically, spiritually or mentally. I was so intoxicated by the idea of fixing everyone else's problems that I took on the very negativity and self destructive nature that I was working to eradicate. The worse I felt, the more negatively I talked to myself and let myself go. I felt like I was on a road to nowhere. I knew I needed help but didn't know where to turn. I just sat around hoping someone would reach out and give me a hug or save me. I kept looking around for the love I thought I needed and didn't realize that the love I craved was right here within my own heart.

I'd been inspired with some great ideas that were cutting edge and trendsetting, but my lack of love for myself prevented me from honoring my own creativity. I was in serious spiritual trouble. I am so thankful that no matter how far a part we are from God, He never separates Himself from us.

I couldn't get people to give of themselves and commit to their own careers like I felt I was giving to them and I let it make me feel bad and unworthy. I was so absorbed in everyone else's life that I'd even noticed that I wasn't even praying like I used to. Who was I to think that I could fix everyone? I'm the kind of person that is often able to see a couple of chess moves ahead, so to speak, and I could see that if my clients just pushed a little harder or committed a little more that they'd be right where they dreamed of being. So since they didn't push, I pushed for them, not even realizing that I was pushing myself away from my own destiny. My thinking became increasingly negative; I began attracting negative situations, things and people. I was critically spiritually disappointed because I'd been deeply focusing on building my spiritual muscles and knowledge for over 10 years. But I couldn't fix myself with any of the techniques I'd learned over the years. I was attracting great opportunities for my clients but not myself.

I remember my Mom always had this saying, "Other folk's problems will kill you." I now truly understand that comment. I learned the value of not attempting to own the destiny of my clients. I am merely a facilitator and a guide. I was hurt because I couldn't do it for them. I wanted more for them than I wanted for myself. I just couldn't accept that perhaps it wasn't their time. And when they are spiritually ready, they will attract exactly what they need. I remember meditating on Jesus. I was reminded of how he told us that "all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed" and we can move mountains. I went and purchased a package of mustard seeds and stared at them. I thought, "Why would he need to say this if we already had faith the size of a mustard seed?" I thought, "Ok, I gotta work to have more faith than a mustard seed." In that moment, I started praying and crying profusely. I just let it all go in a soul cleansing whale. Something shifted and a voice inside my heart said, "You gotta love yourself. All that you need to walk in purpose is right here inside of you." I sat up almost all night repeating that to myself over and over again. The next day, I woke up and my whole face was swollen. I looked in the mirror and said to myself out loud, "Damn, you look like somebody just died." I then started to meditate. I just wanted to reconnect with my Source. I meditated so long that I mediated the swelling right out of my face.

Subsequently, my inner voice seemed to come back. My spiritual vision was clearer than ever. The experience reminded me of a prayer I started saying almost 10 years ago. "Lord, let every breath I take be a prayer of thanks." I got hooked on gratitude at that point and grabbed a notebook and wrote out pages and pages of people, places things and situations for which I was grateful.

I realized that everything I'd learned over the years meant nothing if I didn't love myself. All the earth shattering ideas, intelligence, beauty and love meant nothing if I didn't start with myself. It didn't matter who I knew or how many people sung my praises. If I didn't love myself I'd soon self destruct. I changed my thoughts and the way I looked at everything that was happening to me. I took responsibility. I apologized to myself. I turned my mistakes into rules for the future. Most importantly, I forgave myself for neglecting the greatest gift I will ever receive. Loving myself became a must.

I began a commitment to continue with the spiritual and mental labor that I knew was necessary in order to cure myself of what I call "the disease of unworthiness". I made a commitment to myself. I now trust that people know what is best for them and that they have to go through their own spiritual journey. I use my vision and ability to connect with others to enhance my Coaching and Consulting practice. My love for myself is now connected to the love I have for the One who made me. I am diligent with my gratitude journal and studies. I am committed to practicing the components of emotional intelligence. Loving me is now a must.

Loving myself has changed my life. I have watched my income level increase. I have begun to attract and share abundance. I am happier than I've ever been because I now see life differently. I respect my journey and am grateful for the many years of spiritual study that has given me a treasure house of tools that I can use to help myself and others.

I was inspired to formally start a Coaching and Consulting Firm in 2007. I named it The Authentic You, LLC because I realized the importance of discovering your authenticity. I call myself The Authenticity Coach ^TM because I now understand how to help others discover their authenticity. I am now a better Coach, Manager, Friend and overall person. I realize that I would never be authentic if I didn't love myself. I now walk in purpose and have a spiritual connection that is outrageously contagious.