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This week I have been working on the interview with Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of former presidential candidate John Edwards, and a remarkable woman with significant achievements on her own. We did that interview over a month ago, so we are all happy it is finally airing. I have watched the interview probably 100 times and am completely riveted every time. The research we did for this show required us to ready everything ever printed about John and Elizabeth, including the tabloid reports.
When we arrived the day before the interview - she answered the door holding a diet coke and what looked like a toasted ham and cheese sandwich. I would have had one too if my boss and I hadn't loaded up on crunchy Chick Fila sandwiches when we landed in NC. Elizabeth was warm, inviting, and let us wander around her home as if we were family. John was there too, he just came in from running or working out. He was friendly, but seemed distant. Their house is so huge, but every room and space has a purpose. Elizabeth showed us the entire place, and boasted about the deals she got on a lot of furniture. She even showed me on-line where she gets discounted designer clothes.
Our interview that day was loosely guided by the personal accounts she has put in her new book, Resilience - also required reading.
So many people I know who were enthusiastic Edwards supporters were shocked to find out that not only did he cheat on his wife, Elizabeth, who we all knew was recovering from cancer, but that there were stories that his own staff might have covered it up. For many supporters it feels like such a betrayal. It's hard to imagine how the woman who had stood by him throughout all of this felt. Some of my friends who talk to me about the interview with Elizabeth are quick to judge her. They think that because she knew during his campaign that he was disloyal, they assume she was part of the some big cover-up to keep the truth from the American people. I guess they think that she wanted to keep her family on the campaign trail, to keep the donations coming in, but I have trouble with that. What was she supposed to do? Publically humiliate herself?
While I was there, I was keyed in to what elizabeth was saying, about marriage, family, life and death...all the pain she has endured, what she did for survival.
I couldn't help but think about my own family...
Like a lot of you, and this is hard to admit, I am from a broken family with almost parallel problems as the Edwards family. And if you haven't been cheated on or if you've never been close to this situation, you have no idea. Victims of cheating husbands and wives feel humiliated and rejected. I can appreciate that she didn't want her husband with whom she had shared so much - life, love, loss, success, tragedy, etc. to be the same husband that would abandon her so easily for his own pleasure. I don't blame her at all for trying to keep her head down and not want this public, but its out there now and It is clearly troubling to her otherwise she would not have written about it. Maybe she knew in her gut he being unfaithful all along, maybe we all know on some level, when people who say they love us betray us. My personal experience allowed me to see how people get through something as dramatic as this. The simple solution is blame - not pointing the finger at the man who cheated or the woman, but blaming ourselves. If she is feeling rejected and humiliated because her husband chose to sleep with another woman, why would she want that public? Rejection and humiliation run deep -- and so many woman look inward and ask, "What did I do wrong?" We say these things regardless of, or even in spite of, clear indications that it was not our fault.
Women look in the mirror differently when someone else is chosen over them. The wrinkles look bigger, the body looks more saggy. It is not fair. And Elizabeth Edwards is also actively battling cancer! She told us that she doesn't know if and when she is going to die, but she does know that the bone cancer is ultimately what is going to kill her. So much thrown at her - and it's astonishing to me that she handles it so well. People who point fingers and assume they know better just don't. That kind of stuff makes me angry.
A lot of women stand by their men. This doesn't make her weak. It just makes her someone who might want to protect her family, especially if her time on this earth is limited.
I can't speak for her, but I feel like she wrote what was in her heart as much as she could and as much as she wanted. I feel that's what she wanted as her legacy, she wanted the truth, her truth.
I love your observations. I've always admired Mrs. Edwards and can't wait to watch the Oprah show on Thursday. I think she is an amazing, brave, intelligent woman. I was a strong supporter of Mr. Edwards and I'm sure he regrets his mistakes, but he really screwed up.
I wish Mrs. Edwards peace and happiness.