It's been a while since I wrote...

We work a lot of long hours and have hectic days here at the show. There are alot of days where we get lost in all the details, the deadlines and we forget why we get up and come into the office every day.

Here's why...

This is from Guest Andrea Fellman - Thanks Andrea from our whole team, we'll never forget you - Joanna, Teri, Erin, Sarah, Julie, and Leslie...

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Today is my Oprah Day!
My Oprah experience can be summed up in one word - Unbelievable!

I could have dreamed of a million different scenarios for me getting a chance to sit on Oprah Winfrey's couch. Perhaps, I created a product that she found to be amazing, or that my new book was so relevant and truthful, or maybe my company was helping sick children around the world.

Everyone dreams of being on Oprah, because if you're on Oprah than you are doing something positive, something worthwhile and you are making a difference. So was I worthy?

I was not on Oprah to highlight anything that I was doing or that I have done, I was simply a part of this show to help tell Stephanie Nielson's story, a story of strength, love and survival. I believe I was picked to meet Stephanie because I needed to see motherhood through a different lens, one that I had never seen before. I think I was losing focus on what was really important in my life. Often times I am so focused on what will happen NEXT in life, that I am missing significant parts of the life I have NOW.

Before I met Stephanie I put little or no value on being home with my children and quite frankly disrespected the job. After spending a day with Stephanie she made me realize that each day counts and every little moment matters. Being a mother may not always be easy but it is priceless in value.

I didn't think I could feel successful just staying home, but after seeing how much Stephanie finds value in everything she does for her children, I know I can too. Because what better to be successful at then raising smart, responsible, well rounded children.

Another part of Stephanie's story that really stuck with me is that she had to say good bye to herself. I just didn't understand this. I think I've considered this every day since meeting her. I found this to be so powerful. If Stephanie was able to say good bye to herself, then what can the rest of us say good bye to? So many of us hold onto things from our past, our relationships, or past situations and life's struggles. If we could all learn to let go and say good bye to something in our life, how powerful would that be.

When looking at the family picture before the accident Stephanie said "That was my life then and it was beautiful, but this is my life now and it's still beautiful." Amazing! If we could all just have her courage and strength.

Stephanie does not know this but I have taken that picture with me, it is so vivid in my mind, and that's where it will stay. Because when I get to that place where things get tough, or whenever I get caught up in the craziness of life and if I find myself not appreciating all that I have, I'll close my eyes and remember that picture.

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To the Nielson's and the Oprah Winfrey Show, Thank you for this Gift.

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Andrea Fellman

Released from Prison: A Mom of Three Goes Home.

The last 48 hours have sped by so fast. We taped the show today.

The first part of the show we follow a mother of three who has been in prison twice - we follow her through the last day of prison and her first day out. The children are little - 2, 3 and 6. Her mother has been caring for them consistently over the past 7 years, and the children have an incredibly close bond with the grandmother. It is so hard to understand what that mother and her own mother are going through during the release period.

We wanted to show people what this mother's life is like out of prison. She is coming into a bad economy with no skills, a rap sheet, and all of the odds stacked against her, and now she has three kids to re-introduce herself to and start to care for. It's easy to understand how scared she might be. Ten days ago she's in jail, and today she is on the couch, talking with Oprah Winfrey. I can't imagine what she was thinking, what was going through her mind.

I wrote in my last blog that we were doing a show about child pornography. I've learned since then, by talking with Oprah and other producers here, and law enforcement, that the word "Pornography" actually down-plays what this stuff really is. It just doesn't cover what the images are - it is rape, torture, degradation, and violent, brutal abuse of children.

I talked with my friend tonight and asked her what she thought child pornography was. She said that it was "a naked girl, under the age of 10, sticking her fingers in her privates." I told her exactly the type of images that are on these tapes - repeated abuse, unimaginable cruelty. They are bound, gagged,some even forced to have sex with animals. And most of these pieces are long - 45 minutes to an hour. She was alarmed, but I don't think I got through to her. She's part of the problem, because she doesn't want to face it - she went and got her kids a piece of cake and put on Tinkerbell for them to watch. She didn't want to hear it. She thinks if she takes care of her own kids, that's all she needs to do. But, honestly, what more can she do? I didn't know what to tell her or tell myself, other than keep telling the truth to anyone who will listen.

There was recently a case in Indiana in which a small law enforcement team of only eight people discovered a couple who ran a child daycare, taping the kids having sex. I heard the video was 90 minutes and featured repeated rapes of children - toddlers, infants even. It's disgusting. I can't even fathom it. People are sick. I talked to the arresting officer in this case, he has three kids, been on the force for 25 years and has never seen anything like this -- he's forever changed.

I have also learned that penalties for the perpetrators aren't that severe because judges, jurors, prosecutors won't (like my friend) view the tapes and photos when involved in these cases. The turn their backs, look the other way...
I would think that any judge, prosecutor or even an attorney representing someone distributing, and making this content aren't hearing the screaming and crying from these children on these tapes. Otherwise they would find a way to stop it.

So here at the show, we didn't want look the other way or turn our backs on the problem. We wanted to face it head on, but we couldn't. Oprah wanted to see the videos and pictures and even show them to some audience members, but it is against the law in Illinois. We went round and round with attorneys for hours who specialize in this section of legal code. Everyone is working within the confines of the system.

Here's what I was told could happen to me: If I saw these images, I could be arrested. Even if I said I was just using them for research for the show, a perpetrator could use that same defense. I get it, I understand the law now.

Oprah said to us that if we don't look at it, and don't face it, no one is ever going to do anything about it. And, I think she's right. I know I am going to keep fighting and keep trying to do shows on this subject, and tell everyone what I know. I want to educate people, and try to do everything I can to make them understand what is really going on. I derive my inspiration from the tireless efforts of the members of Florida's Child Predator and Cyber Crime Unit -- Director Maureen Horkan, Chief Officer Chuck McMullen, and this amazingly generous Attorney General, Bill McCollum, who gave us his blessing and encouraged us along the way, and the many police officers and investigators, who helped me with the show and help so many thousands of children at risk to get safe and stay safe.