onkamra

Growing up, I had friends, but never felt that deep bond enough to say that anyone was my BFF, and I regret to say that, but it is true. But even with that said, I do miss the connection that I had with my friends growing up, a time when things were all about what we were thinking and feeling in that moment, and their seemed to be some sort of connection, like we were a part of some sort of tribe. Growing up on the same street, walking to school together, and being a part of those "firsts"....sharing about our first kiss, or first crush, and so much more.

I often think, that having a BFF is a great blessing that impacts life in such a profound way, and yet--as an adult, it doesn't appear to get any easier to make those connections. Besides, do we as adults make friends as easily as we did as children? I dunno.

drwill911

Henry Ford, who was a good friend of George Washington Carver, once asked him ¿How do you know so much about peanuts?¿ Mr. Carver replied ¿The plants told me.¿ He explained to Mr. Ford that the plants revealed to him how they built chlorophyll on an assembly line system. Nature, Mr. Carver concluded, had created a very efficient system of building. Mr. Ford decided that he would utilize the same system to build cars. This is the reason why auto manufacturing centers are called ¿plants¿.

If we were to slow down, listen to nature, and hear the heart beat of others, we would recognize that we all have the ability to communicate in a manner that some would call telepathically. Watch babies who can¿t talk playing together and after awhile you will swear, though they only appear to be making noise, they seem to know what one another is saying. Have you ever watched lions hunt? They all seem to know which animal in the herd is going to be selected for lunch. They position themselves in a manner to cut that one animal out of the herd. How do they work together so tactically and strategically to achieve a common goal being able to talk? A pride of lions are a very close knit group. Their ability to communicate telepathically, I believe comes from relational proximity. The same appears to be true with people who are close. We can communicate a whole idea or thought with just a nudge of an elbow, the raise of an eyebrow, or sly point of a finger. The person we are communicating with may laugh heartily because they knew exactly what we meant even though we never actually said a thing.

stefij

Oct 9, 2009 2:49 PM

  |   in response to: drwill911

drwill you are right on target & i appreciate the info on 'plants', awesome

stefij

no bff, nada, zip, right now. one of those wilderness moments. although, i sense i'm nearing the end of this trial...now that the Holy Ghost has shown me what it felt like to be amidst grief, prolonged grief, during my backsliding years. (you don't want to know). but, several bff's through the years. yep, you guessed it, we moved alot. i hope you hear from katy, i bet you two can be bff's again & help with race relations in America. Ciao!

producerji

Thank you for all that you're doing and thank you to all the teachers out there who are on the front lines of changing the world! You and your students sound truly phenomenal and I'm truly impressed with the children's lives in Uganda your classes have impacted for the better. I hope you keep us posted on your program successes and given your work, I'd love to hear what you have to say about our latest book club selection!

carolkenny

The language of friendship was a powerful message in this story, but the story also moved me because it reminded us that children are not born with bigotry. As the old song from "South Pacific" told us, "we have to be taught to hate." We can all learn a lot from these little girls,and we shouldn't ever be learning to hate other human beings.

trhjamaica

I met my best friend of today as an adult. We definitely have a language of our own, both spoken and unspoken.

I think the little girls from this very touching story shows us what "be a friend to the end" really means. It made me think of friendships I've seen my sons develop as they have grown to be teenagers. They have friends of all races, and it's often the adults who make it difficult for them to be friends. This happened as early as pre-school. For example, a little 4-year-old white boy told my sons that he wanted to invite them to his birthday party. But, his mother said he couldn't invite any blacks to their house. My sons have never forgotten that.

So, I think young children are the REAL "movers & shakers" of our society and adults can learn a lot from them if we just leave them alone to do what they do best--be naturally loving and accepting.

read'n4fun

My little sister and I (just one year apart) shared a best friend when we were little. Kimmy was, in our eyes, the coolest kid on the planet. We competed to be her favorite, I'm pretty sure. We competed over a lot of things, unconciously, but still stuck together like glue. As I'm posting, I'm thinking. My little sister has got to be my lifelong BFF. As much as we fought when we were young, if we were in an unfamiliar situation (visiting people we did not know with our parents) we stuck together like glue. We depended upon one another bigtime.

In our adult years, I know that we remain one another's BFF. She has recently moved to another state, but we plan to learn Skype and other ways to stay in contact every day. We really are blessed to have this technology in our lives, really blessed.

This story made me think about the incredible power that parents have over their children! In the beginning, the father was coaxing his child one way, toward openness and acceptance. Then, literally overnight, he did a 180 and forbid her from seeing Best Friend. Overnight. That chilled me. Also, I saw the resilience in these children. That is where the hope is in this story, for me.

livehappy4

I hardly have time to read while I'm writing, so I try to at least keep up with reading your posts, which I really enjoy. You have posed a great question.

I find that BFFs are a little fluid. As we evolve and enter different chapters in our lives, the people we find as best friends tend to change as well. While we keep our BFFs in our hearts, oftentimes they are not the person that we are closest to forever.

My next door neighbor, Jean, was my very best friend in the world while I was growing up. My parents even wrote letters to the principal to insure we were in the same class - until we became a bit too chatty for the school environment:-) Once we were about sixteen or so, as our household situations changed, so did our personal directions. I moved quickly to a supporting-myself-survival mode, for reasons I won't put here, and Jean ran the normal course of a teen. Needless to say, our friendship, though it remained strong, was not the hand-holding one of younger years.

New BFFs came onto the scene. As an adult, I have women I am very close to, and BFF might be a good term to use. But then again, my husband is also my BFF.

Even though our lives changed, we have had children, taken on careers (or not), and "grown up," (a term I loathe), those special friends are still held near and dear to my heart. We connect via email and about once/year at gatherings. The most wonderful thing, though, is that once someone has been my BFF, when we do reconnect, it is as though no time has gone by at all. We're kindred souls.

Sorry I can't comment on the book - but I am still working through my own book club selection. I have the book and am trying to get to it, but as I mentioned, while writing my second novel, I have little time to actually read. (Write, kids, write, kids, write, kids)

Thanks for a great blog, Jill.
Melissa

BTW, if you have a chance, please stop by The Authors Show and watch/listen to my interview for Megan's Way. Thank you!!

producerji

Oct 13, 2009 10:52 AM

  |   in response to: livehappy4

I feel honored that you find the time to include my blog in your very busy life! I truly admire all of you who can write while managing jobs, households, and even children all the same time. Best of luck with your own reading list and with writing your novel.

ksuscholar

Oct 14, 2009 8:36 AM

  |   in response to: producerji

Hello producerji, I wanted to tell you about this new author named Antonia Lampkins. Check out these these 3 books for kids: Global Friends, Favorite Things, My First Book Collection, all by the author named Antonia Lampkins. She is a very young and creative writer. Her goal is to inspire the little great minds of her readers. Her new books are being sold around the world. This author also is the Atlanta Generation Y Examiner. Google her for more information.

carolkenny

Oct 14, 2009 12:38 PM

  |   in response to: producerji

Dear PJ (Producer Jill): Like livehappy4, I must divide my time between reading and writing fiction. However, I find that the Oprah selections, which I have been reading since she revitalized the publishing industry decades ago, have taught me extraordinary lessons about the world we live in and the art and craft of writing. Not being very techno-savvy, I had not joined an online community or blog until now. Reading your blog and communicating with members of Oprah's Online Book Club has added a whole new dimension to my reading experience. I will continue to meet with The Uppity Women's Book Club each month, sipping wine and discussing books, but I will also follow your blog, Oprah's video blog, and the online discussions, which have exponentially expanded my understandindg of Uwem Akpan's brilliant and complex stories.

hawkxs3

Hi Producer Jill!

I have not read the book yet, but the comments from Ms.Winfrey's video blog place me back at the hanging tree from "BELOVED" again. I just can't shake the awakening that took place in my life 13 years ago on that movie set, it's in me and I in it.

The day my baby girl sang to my Auntie Emily, it brought tears to her eyes. See, our baby was born premature and had a speech impediment, however when she sang, it was flawless. After hearing her sing, Auntie touched our 3 year olds cheek and spoke these words. Oneday you will grow up to cross paths w/Oprah. (whatever that meant) Shortly after her statement, Auntie Emily passed away. Three years later we found ourselves on the set of Beloved and was then told that the movie belong to Oprah and that our child would be sharing the role w/Oprah. (whom she has never met)

The day our child was scheduled for her wardrobe fitting,something happened that took me back to the day Auntie cried. Our child is measured and fitted for the role of a slave girl, the clothing are pale brown and look as if they are dirty and worn. Our child connects w/the character and clothing through our pass teachings of what a slave girl may have looked liked back in 1873. While looking in the body size mirror, our child leaps off the stool and runs up to a stranger. The crew workers can tell by the look on my face that I'm not sure of the moment. My child turns around and screams to me...Mommy, she's in my movie too!" There stands a lady whom we've never seen before standing there. The lady reaches down and touches my childs cheek, no words were exchanged. The crew person asked our child "how did you know that?" our daughters words were, I just know. Long story short, that's exactly what Auntie did and the lady is in the same scene with our child, she plays Sethe' grandma.

My question, what language is that? I could feel the connection, it was clear to me that a shift was about to take place in our lives. Our journey to Beloved has been filled w/countless coincidences. It's hard to put into words, it's a feeling of connecting to a power much higher then yourself.

My question remains...What Language Is That?
Thanks for allowing me to soar this day, silence sometimes speaks loudly.
~LaVonne

carolkenny

Oct 14, 2009 4:54 PM

  |   in response to: hawkxs3

That's the language of the heart and soul, and "out of the mouths of babes" comes extraordinary wisdom. They just know, and sometimes that knowledge is communicated wordlessly.

carols11

I just posted a story on the boards, although not specifically regarding "Say You're one of Them", and that Elizabeth was not relating to a character in the book, I do hope that you take the time to read the post and get even the smallest sense of how wonderful our friendship and remarkable story this is/was.

Today, I keep thinking about the absolutely sad ending to the movie "City of Angels". That's exactly how I personally feel today. Everything was coming together after much tribulation, and then "poof", gone. The irony is sickening on this end, especially for my mother and father. I do hope you get a sense from my posting.

livehappy4

BFF
Jill, I've been thinking about this post since I first read it, and have come around to a decision on my bff. I do have a bff that's been with me for my entire life. She's my mother. I thank God for her every day, and though she's not my age, and she wasn't my "coming-of-age" friend, she has been my biggest fan and my best friend for 43 years without fail. There's a bond between us that goes beyond the husband/wife bond, or the friend bond. The unconditional love that she has given me, I give right back. I may not have as a teen (did anyone?), but that is part of growing up, IMHO. I can never be as good of a person as she is, but I'll never stop striving to be:-)

Sorry to interrupt the book talk, but I wanted to get this out there. Thanks for reading.

Melissa

read'n4fun

Oct 15, 2009 7:29 PM

  |   in response to: livehappy4

That's awesome, Melissa!

livehappy4

Oct 18, 2009 2:26 PM

  |   in response to: read'n4fun

Thanks, Read'n4fun. I feel very blessed to have her:-)

jmk1979

Jill,

Days after finishing What Language Is That, I lost my best friend to a brain aneurysm. We had been friends for almost 25 years and the absolute closest of friends. We didn't have a large group, it was literally just me and Lindsay. Every memory of my childhood was entwined with her. When she died (August 29th), I realized that we had a language just between the two of us and that now it was gone. I would never be able to share a story, laugh at our adolescent awkwardness and high school crushes. And as I sat surrounded by loved ones who have always brought me complete comfort, including her family, the silence was deafening.

That night, following the funeral, I re-read What Language Is That and started crying when I read the line, "You smiled because you had discovered a new language," because I realized that even though she was no longer here and I could no longer see or hear her, the beauty and depth of our friendship had created a language that was eternal. I can still speak to her and our language is still our own. And this is what I believe is the most amazing thing about literature, it can truly heal us by allowing us to travel through our grief and find solace. Even though it is a story about Muslims & Christians and religious wars, to me it was a story about the transcending strength of true friendships and how, no matter what, they never really end. They are eternal.