I liked your Blog
My father had a talk with me when I was 14
He said we needed to have a talk.
He ask me if I had sex yet, I said NO, (a lie)
He said "Great, when you do, don`t get anyone pregnete"
"End of talk"
That was it... lol
Rick
I tried and I think I failed miserably with my oldest child, my oldest son is now 12 and we rarely get on the topic except to say don't do it.. and of course he replies with the same ole answer any child would "No mom, don't worry about it" and then walks away... I also do not have a good, actually now no good male role model in the home as I am a single mom.
Hello Gina:
My mom wanted her girls to be well-informed about the sex topic.
So she took my older sister aside at the age of 7 and sang her the song, "Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees..." She proceeded to have a seemingly looonnnggg conversation with my sister, well... what seemed long to me at 5 years old.
After my mom was finished with the talk, I ran into her room, sat on her lap and I asked, "Mom, tell me about the birds and the bees." She proceeded to tell me about where babies come from and how sex works. Now I don't exactly remember how far into the conversation she got before I stopped her. "Mom? MOM!?! I just want to hear the song."
My son asked my about sex while we were out to dinner one night. He was in 2nd grade. He whispered a secret to me, "Becky's big sister told her 2 people had sex in the back of the Glades [middle school] bus." I completely freaked - out on the inside - but managed to stay calm on the outside.
I asked, "Do you know what that is?" He replied with an answer that was close, but not quite and I told him we could talk about it later - after dinner and away from kindergartner brother. Later that evening he plunked on the bed and asked "So mom, what IS sex?" I told him. Very basic. Somewhat clinical. Not long. I told him how glad I was that he came to me to get the facts because sometimes kids get things mixed up. Later I realized I left some things out so we had a follow up the next night about why you DON'T mess around with sex when you're young. I try to keep things open with both my 6 and 9 year old about these kind of topics. We chat about girl stuff already. Who they like, who likes who, tv shows, etc. My biggest hope as a parent is that we keep this door open. I want them to come to me about anything and the only way that will happen is if I can stay calm, open, and don't freak out on them. So far so good.
I work for a nonprofit organization that recently created a handbook for parents on how to get through the talk (actually, we suggest talks (plural)). We have distributed over 5000 copies of this book in the last 5 years and have had really good feedback from our parents in our communities. The handbook has vocabulary, diagrams, charts, talking tips, age appropriate medically accurate information and resources. Our intent is to place all the medical information in the hands of parents so that they can put it in the context of their family's morals, values, and beliefs. It is so beneficial for kids to learn about the facts of sex along with morals, values and beliefs. It really makes a difference when they grow up and begin to make decisions about their relationships and their bodies.
I have a comment on Dr. Berman. We loved seeing her on your show, so we logged on to make an appointment to go see her. When we logged on to her site there are pictures of her everywhere on the site. Next to make an appointment is her picture. Let's just say her pictures are EVERYWHERE on her site and it gives you the idea that if you make an appointment with her company, you will meet with her. WRONG, we made the appointment and then we asked if we would see Dr. Berman? We were told no. We were only told this because we asked, they did not offer or tell us we would not be seeing Dr. Berman even though we asked to make an appointment with her. We were scheduled to meet with her trainee(licensed) and a yoga instructor. She is charging her rates for you to see a yoga instructor? I just don't think this is right and that the site is misleading making you think you will meet with Dr. Berman and then you aren't. Even on the Oprah show she eludes to the fact that by showing couples she had worked with and is interviewing on television, when she doesn't work with couples at all. We were told "she is to busy with interviews and media to work with couples anymore". I just think this is wrong for her to go on television and not say that she does not work with people if you come to her office. I am surprised Oprah uses her on her show and has not checked into this more.
i was watching oprah,gayle,ali, and mark a few minutes ago discussing the topic of masturbation. the male's penis being a more external organ (as we all know, it's just hanging out there, lol) is more exposed to various stimuli that, more often than not, leads to erection promoting the act of masturbation. the clitoris, being protected by the labia, is not exposed to the array of stimuli that "bombards" the penis. this physical or anatomical difference is, i think, just one of the few reasons why the males masturbate more than the females. and i think this is what gayle and oprah kinda meant when they said the boys get hard for whatever reason. thanks for letting me share this.
Hi Gina. After watching yesterday's show with Dr. Laura Berman I just had to write my comment to someone. Within the first 10 minutes of the show my mouth was left wide open. I could not believe what these 12 yr old girls were saying. I don't have any kids but I have a 12 yr old niece whom I'm very close with. I called my sister right away to make sure she was watching the show. I want to make sure my niece gets all of the information she possibly can to be comfortable with her sexuality. If it wasn't for the Oprah Show where else would we learn about these topics? NOWHERE. I just want to tell Oprah to please keep her show going and continue teaching us. I have learned and continue to learn so much about life. Thank you, truly.
in response to: lisaberume
I have a comment on Dr. Berman as well. Bravo for enlightenment, education, parenting skills,etc. But if I hear "empowerment" one more time, I may scream. It has been over used, misused,and abused to the point that it has become the bumper sticker for our permission for anything and everything, whether redeeming or not. Somehow giving out pink vibrators has translated to an acceptable gift for teen daughters to "empower" them in their sexuality. Is this to become the new sweet 16 gift for their bedside or purse like a pink cell phone? Will it be the new Truth or Dare" at the next slumber party?
I just watched both the show with Dr. Berman as well as the Friday show with Oprah, Ali, Gayle & Mark and I'm glad it is getting out there that masturbation for girls is not something that we should be a shamed to talk about. I have a 10 year old daughter and we have had several discussions concerning how good it feels "down there" when you touch certain areas. I have always believed that honesty is the best policy. And unfortunately some of the comments concerning 2 much information is just plain keeping your head in the sand... It is happening and we need to step up to the plate and be honest with ourselves so that we can be honest with our children. Keep up the GREAT work! With some of the comments I have read on this blog proves to me that many women are still hoping that if I don't believe it It's not happening... However it is!! Better deal now before you have grandchildren you can't explain this too as well...
I only have one request: PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW GAYLE KING ON YOUR SHOW WHEN YOU'RE DISCUSSING SERIOUS TOPICS. She is always wrong on every subject.
Oprah is who she is because she has always been forward thinking. Gayle takes each subject and turns them into a conversation that would have taken place in the 80s. And why does she have to make everything about HER? With the number of kids and teens catching STDs, you would think that people would engage in a progressive conversation about sex with their children. Gayle only sees life through the eyes of her experiences with Will and Kirby, which is fine, but please consider the Will and Kirbys who do not have a loving mother or father. I am certain that The O Show is on the right path. Take this message with you back to Africa because the girls and boys there need to hear the truth about SEX, LIFE AND CONSEQUENCES.
She has also destroyed Oprah's XM Radio program. Also, why does Gayle have to have the morning drive segment? Her 1970s show is insane at best. I'm forced to listen to Don Imus.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, Gina. Please ask Dr. Berman back to do a show specific to parents of boys. This show was more like "How to have the sex talk with your daughter" than "how to have the sex talk with your child." So many things were said (and probably rightly so!) to keep girls from being used by boys, but nothing was said to help us parents who want our sons not to be the womanizer type! Boys can be good, we just need to guide them. I would really love a show on this topic that focuses on what we can say to boys to help them not to be so, um, predatory. Thanks!
I just saw the show about sex talk. Oh Lord! What a show. It has been so helpful and educational for me. I¿m 27 and mother of an 18-month-old baby girl. Amy¿s case reminded me that she will be asking questions sooner than later and THANK GOD I have some years to prepare, lol.
Oral sex in middle school was common in my day too, but so was our attitude as adults towards the situation and that has obviously not helped. Our parents not talking to us about sex, masturbation, etc; & our lack of comfort with these topics, is not an excuse to keep failing our children. We are a society obsessed with self-help and improvement with just about everything, so why not take it a step further and improve our comfort level with sexuality so that we don¿t make the same mistakes our parents made.
I love the idea of self-empowerment, not depending on a boy for pleasure and can¿t help but to wonder if this was a more common practice we would still have the same amount of teenage parents or stds or even HIV infections. Of course I don¿t look forward to introducing this to my daughter¿even brining it up to my husband, lol; but parenting is about dealing with many things out of our comfort zone.
P.S- Gayle, love you girl! I don¿t approve of kids engaging in sexual behaviors at such a young age, but I also don¿t approve of chocolate ice cream being fattening and yet ¿ well lets just say I¿m currently on P90X for some damage control, lol ;p It just has to get done!
gina, i read most of the blogs last week and were soooooooo surprised that the majority favored was dr. berman was putting out there. my husband is a doctor and i'm medical admin. and educate our children both with facts of life, as well as, facts of our faith. our country needs to get back to basic morals and value system. we need to educate our children that at the right place in their life (in the sanctity of marriage) is plenty enough time to give the one gift you can only give once and that is the act of lovemaking. i couldn't she was encouraging mothers to purchase vibrators for these young girls. i thought we were watching an HBO show and i could tell oprah knew that some of her audience would be in shock. it's okay to teach both sexes to honor yourself more than thinking it's all about pleasing yourself especially at that young age. i found dr berman to be vulgar, immature, and didn't take family values, honoring of your body, and one's faith beliefs into the equation.
Hi Gina:
This is a great show and so wish I could of been part of it. For the past 15 years, I've been teaching mothers and their daughters all about puberty, birth and conception in a seminar called Healthy Chats. Mothers and daughters (ages 9 - 11) get together and I talk to them about all the changes associated with puberty, how babies are born and how it all gets started. Even to talk to the girls about what sex is seems to be a huge stumbling block for many mothers but not all. We have so much good information about what and how children see the world that this information can be provided in a simple and straight forward way wihtout leaving out the family's values and principles. I would love to give a seminar to the Harpo employees and walk the moms through a more through conversation with their pre-teen daughters. No vibrators at this stage...LOL ...just the basic concepts of our amazing bodies, how they work and the fact of life from the perspective of a pre-teen.
Keep up the good work and let's also empower the mothers out there to take those first steps when talking to their children.
I have actually seen "The Talk" and was amazed and how entertaining AND informative it was. I wish my health teacher had shown it in high school or my parents had bought a copy. Too bad it didn't exist when I was younger! I heard the same company recently did a new educational DVD? About girls going through puberty and getting their period??? Sounds awesome, can't wait to see it! Do you know anything more about it???
hi oprah,
i am 43 and i don't want to have sex any more. i want to know is that to soon are is it that i am not in love with the same guy i been with for 14 year. i been with him and only him and i found out this year that he have been with someone else for a while. i never knew about the other woman until this year. so i just have giveing up on men that is how bad i am hurting. i was there with all my love and he use it up. so tell me oprah do you still want to have sex at your age, tell me the truth so i won't feel so NUM
I just saw this blog, and I did not see the Sex Talk Show." My wife does not enjoy television. She works all the possible relaxing moments away after she gets home from work. She left her 24 and 16 year old by another marraige to live in a home in another city while she works where we are now. She is doing the very best she knows how to provide for the children.
I feel so strongly that my step children and I should be close, there is the blockage of conversation because I am not dad that prevents us from even mentioning the subject of sex. Many people confuse love for sex. There is a conversation on recordsongs.us that clearly defines love. I wish I could talk to them about it. I don't think she will unless they come to her and bring it up, but they only bring up what they want for her to buy, and when are we leaving when we are there with them.
How does one talk about it when there is no desire to hear?
Hey Gina,
I'm a teenager. My mom isn't open about the whole entire idea of sex. Anytime there is a show on tv and they even hint at sex she asks me to change the channel. To me it seems as though she isn't READY to give the "talk" but I am. I want to know, but I don't want to bring it up. It's really embarrassing to go up to any adult figure and say "Oh hey, can you tell me all about sex please?" What I have been doing lately is trying to educate myself through the internet and magazines. But there are so many holes in the information, because I guess most people would assume that your parents have given the "talk" already. It just feels unfair that no has bothered talking to me about this. It bothers me constantly, I just feel like I should know. I just want to get the education I need so when the time comes, I can actually know what to do, and what I need to do. Things like that. I just wish someone would just tell me about it already. Does someone have any tips? And I know traditionally it's best if one of your parents gives you the talk but does someone want to help me out here? If not I'm working and taking one of my mom's parenting books and trying to understand that. PLEASE HELP!
Gina!
What is too young? My daughter and i have been talking as long as i can remember, she's 13yrs now, and it's wasn't so much a sit down talk but as situation arises, we talk, she has always been outspoken and grew up mostly around adult, i believe that made it a lot easier, i love that she feel she can come to me when she have questions or situation that may come up on a day to day basis.... I belive in open communication with my kids.
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Hi Gina,
I am Nigerian and my Mom followed our culture in having the talk with me. When I got my menstrual period at the age of 9, my Mom and Dad presented me with an expensive traditional fabric indegenous to our specific geographical origin. Then my Mom took me into her room to explain to me the significance of giving me the fabric and how it represented an introduction to womanhood just like the begining of the menstrual flow did.
I stated to cringe when she went into the biological significance of the cycle though seeing as I was way too young at 9 to be told such stories. But she did keep it clean and as I grew older she explained better.
All in all it was not such a harrowing experience.