serventlc

How could you want to know when waas my first time if you can not share you'r firstt time with me???????????? Do you count being raped???? Serventlc

erikaitis

LOL I went to Catholic school and one of those who was gonna marry the first guy. I was able to hang on to that until 22, college stage. But I must say, I'm glad I didn't marry the first one though My advise to the youngs is to be educated about it, learn and cherish the power of saying "No" and study the reaction or what happens next as it would be a big clue to how you will get along with this person.

kcarlsonlp

Gina I hope you guys will deal with different scenarios in regard to this topic. Because, just teens & sex is very general. Sexually abused children tend to be promiscuous teens. Also, there are a large amount of kids & teens who do not think oral sex is sex. Nor do they believe STD's can be transmitted that way. Promiscuity is also very prevalent in teens with low self esteem. Do you remember or ever have a "friendship" bracelet. If not, they was bracelets, that when I was teen, you made with thread. Certain clicks would have certain colors. Some would make them for boyfriends. Well there are teens these days that use those same type of bracelets to display exactly what they will or won't do sexually. Just some extra stuff for you. BTW the answer to your question is 13. At age 13 I had my first consensual textbook definitive sex. However, I was a victim of sexual abuse that began before I was 5.

producergs

Mar 13, 2009 1:20 PM

  |   in response to: kcarlsonlp

Hi kcarlsonlp -- thank you so much for your reply.
This show is truly such an honor to produce. My intention is that not only will people learn a lot, but it will also be a much-needed conversation starter between Parents and their Children.
Tell me: How would YOU produce this show? When it comes to KIDS/TEENS & SEX -- what do YOU think are the most important topics to cover? What do you feel we should we discuss that will help the most amount of people?

meganj6

Hi Gina,

I will be honest, I was 25 before I lst my virginity. I wasn't trying to wait that long. It just happened that way.

geminimcm

I had just turned 18 when I lost my virginity, and that was seen as "really, really late" at my high school, but I felt it was just right. Any earlier and you are still a kid!

breejleg

I was definitely a late bloomer. My grandmother, mother and sister were all teenage moms. They were parents between the ages of 14-16. By the time I was 10 I knew so much about sex I was scared to do it...lol. All my friends were having sex by the age of 15. I couldn't even think about it, I don't think I even played with the idea of giving it away until I was 17, which to my friends meant I was a goody two shoes and it's not that I was at all, I just could not imagine letting someone see me naked. The idea mortified me. Then I went to college and was a freshman that was virgin and mine as well have a prize to win. I got so desperate to find the right person to take it I was ready to just give it to the first guy that winked at me. I actually didn't have sex until I was nineteen. The guy would end up being my husband 10 yrs later. It's such a boring story, but it's mine so I own it.

navigator9

I was 15 when I lost my virginity. It wasn't what I wanted but it happened anyway. Although I was being molested by a family member, I lost my virginity to my first child's father.

lisacheryl

Mine was 15.I had one boyfriend all through highschool and a year after. Thought I would marry him. It was best for him that I didn't,though. I was a mess. After an abusive first marraige though I finally started to understand myself and listen to myself. It still amazes me that I was able to move past my fears and marry the wonderful man who is my husband now.

ekeneagabu

Mine was um ummm. Guess what, I haven't done it yet and I turn 30 in two months. Can I make it? We'll see

misseldine

I was 12 when I lost my virginity. My mother hadn't even had the "talk' with me yet and by the time she did I could have told her a thing or 2. I now have adult children and am a grandmother. I made sure I was very open and honest with my girls as they were growing up and I was also a realist. They knew they could come to me for answers and help with birth control. They lost their virginity at an older age then I. My oldest is 27 and she just had a baby 10 days ago.

sandylawre

Have you seen the book Start Talking A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex, or Whatever. Start Talking contains more than 113 questions girls ask us every day about, well, everything: periods, sex, relationships, guys, eating, exercise, and more. There are also great ways to get a mom involved. This book can be a fresh start for both moms and daughters.

jankuf

I was 17. I knew my boyfriend since I was 13. We got married at 18. I have been married for 30 years, three girls later and an empty nester now.

natalie23

Wow Gina does this show needs to happen! I have so much to say on this topic I am going to make a list!

1. My parents told me nothing about sex, or puberty or anything. I learned it all in school and through my friends, this is not enough information!!! Kids are so un-informed. We need a movement of parents discussing this stuff with their kids BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY #2....(and I cannot STRESS this ENOUGH!).....

2. We need to have the attitude that sex is OK! I am not saying parents should encourage it, but children shouldn't feel they have to HIDE it! There is a huge difference there. I think understanding that difference is step one! Parents : Having open discussion about sex, does not mean you are telling your kids to start doing it. You are informing them! You are de-criminalizing the act of sex! ( NEws flash it will happen at some point - wouldn't you rather your child talk to you about it?)

3. Sex and Self Esteem - You need to talk about lifting our kids UP! Teaching them that sex is not dirty, it love, its pleasure but that it is also special and when you have it emotions follow.

4. Have some girls and guys in their 20's on the show. -- For us 20 somethings it is still fresh and we are still realatable to teens. I know I have experiences I would like to share. Believe it or not - I have some sexual wisdom I would love to pass on! and have to my younger sister. Maybe if you had some 20' somethings meet with groups of teens to have conversations about sex : what they know, where they get their info etc... you could even have them skype in!

and a final thought....

In the future maybe Dr. Laura could take it a step further and have a SEX ED class for teens. A whole Oprah show dedicated to the basics of SEX ED. and maybe even another show on Sex emotions and respecting ones body? Parents could watch and tape this and watch it WITH their kids and then talk about it afterwards? It would be like an awkwardness icebreaker!

Anyway, I am sorry if I talked too much Gina! This is an issue I feel strongly about. Had I been more informed I would have made different choices and I think that this show might help those who were like me. Take care! I hope my comments helped

Natalie

nbjewel

Hi Gina... I will be honest about this... I was 15. And it was the worst mistake I could have ever made... I don't recommend it. I was immature, and so not ready. I had to call a friend to see if i had actually DONE it....12 years later... I feel sick when i think about it.
Girls, the right guy is totally worth the wait.

arookosu1

i think it would be interesting to see if there is a connection between girls having sex at earlier ages when they do not have a supportive father around. i was one of those girls. my father never physically abused me, but he didn't really ever like me. so, the first jerk that came around and told me he loved me stole my virginity. i was 14 and he was 24. i was raped in in truck in the parking lot of a local movie theater. i really believed him when he told me that no one else would ever love me- if i wasn't good enough to make my own father love me, how could i ever make anyone else? after the rape, i willingly continued to have sex with him for 2 years, and didn't really respect the importance of love between people having sex during high school. i would really like to know if there are other girls out there who made the same mistakes trying to fill the void that a daddy should take up.

annpatches

Mine was about 12, guess you can say I was always looking for love in all the wrong places. My parents didn't give me attention so turned into a drunk and slept with lots of people. I started drinking and going to clubs at 13.

Was pregnant at 16, and married 4 times.

I hate my life now and always have suicidal thoughts at 59 years old!

producergs

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR YOUR HONESTY! ERIKAITIS: I 100% agree with your advice--It should be on bumper stickers! MEGANJ6 and GEMINIMCM: It sounds like your first time was the perfect time for you! BREEJLEG: That is FAR from a boring story--Say hi to hubby for me! EKENEAGABU: My birthday is coming up too¿ Happy Early Birthday! May all your wishes come true. MISSELDINE: Congrats to you AND your daughter--Such happy news! JANKUF: I hope you and Your First are enjoying some much deserved alone time together! SERVENTLC, NAVIGATOR9, LISACHERYL and NBJEWEL: Im so sorry to hear about your painful past. Please know you are not alone and we hear from women just like you everyday. We keep you all in our thoughts and prayers. KCARLSONLP, SANDYLAWRE, NATALIE23, AROOKOSU1 and ANNPATCHES: Thank you so much for your input. Youve given me a lot to think about as I put this show together. INCREDIBLY HELPFUL. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Talk soon, Gina

feastoffun

My first kiss was when I was 18 and already in college. I was sitting in a park near where I lived and the guy's name was Adam. He was deaf and I feel madly in love with him.

That summer I spent all my time learning sign language so I could communicate with him better. The relationship didn't last, but to this day I still know how to finger spell very well and quite a bit of sign language as well.

janecltnc

Mar 14, 2009 6:42 AM

  |   in response to: serventlc

I have given this a lot of thought and someone else has already mentioned it: a young girl having a loving caring father makes all the difference in the world.

My mom told me the stupidest thing that really messed with my mind, "A guy will not want to marry you if you have been with someone else."

julz6687

I was 18...almost 19.
i had the full intent of waiting until i was married because thats the way i was raised. My sister got pregnant twice before she was married and that was viewed as unacceptable and my parents wanted us to know that they wouldnt tolerate it. I wasnt allowed to have boys in my room or be alone in a room with a boy.
But i started dating a special guy the summer before my freshman year of college. It was never rushed, we were together a year before we took that next step.
I'm glad i waited as long as i did...it was special. I still view sex as a very special intimate connection between two people and shouldnt be taken lightly. Thats what we should be teaching our kids

suziron

I was 18. My friends fixed me up with a blind date for my sorority dance ...I drank too much and he took advantage. I became pregnant .....and FIFTY YEARS LATER I found my son that I gave up for adoption. Such an inspiring story. (May I tell it on Oprah sometime?) My date never knew I was pregnant and I never saw him again. Needless to say, my Mother did not have "that" discussion with me. Then, mortified and Catholic, my mother sent me away to an unwed mother's home to have my baby. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but when we reunited after 50 years, it was a miracle. Thank you!!

ekeneagabu

Mar 16, 2009 11:35 AM

  |   in response to: producergs

Send me your email or let me know where I can send you some ideas. I have a keen interest on this issue and look forward to helping in any way I can.

bratz0721

I was 18 when I lost my virginity. It was the best moment of my life, because when I look back on that,there are no regrets.

renegade74

Gina, I'm 34 yrs old and I was 18 when I lost it. No regrets.

khall415

I was 16 and no regrets seeing as I am still with the same person today. However if I was not still with the same person I would regret having lost it so early. A "sex talk" with either of my parents never happened and my friends and I had our own "sex theories" since the majority of us never got the talk.

ekeneagabu

Hey Gina,

Here's what I suggest for your upcoming show.

1.More people and their stories of when they lost it or not (just like you have on this board) than professionals analyzing teens and why they have Sex. Kids really don't care about analysis, but would relate better to real people and their stories.

2. Get a diverse group of people - Male, Female and most importantly of all ages (12 - 88). One misconception teens have about sex is that it has no consequence down the road in life. It would be good to hear from grand moms and grandpas who lost it in their teens and those who didn't. They would give teens a hind sight perspective which is priceless

3. Last but not least, It would be good to have a bunch of sexually active young adults Vs. Virgins/or those who are celibate defend and sell their actions verbally to one another. It will amaze you to discover that most teens/young adults having sex cannot intellectual defend the idea of having 7 sexual partners by the age of 18, but they go on doing it. And it would be good to know from Virgins - why they are Virgins?

I think the show will be most effective if young people learn from each other without being judged or analyzed by an authoritative figure(therapist/Sex expert/Drs. After all they started having sex as a result of peer pressure. So lets show them that they have the power to apply pressure positively instead of only falling to it when its negative.

csward

Hi Gina, I chose your blog after reading the suggestion on fb to check out the producer's blogs! And wow what a topic...I have no shame since i've already told my 23 and 18 year old daughters about 'my first time'. It was pathetic really and I should be shamed!!! I had graduated from high school a virgin through no fault of my own...the fear of my mom and the fact that every time my then boyfriend, now husband of 25 years, tried to take it to another level, we would get interupted by either a flashing light of a police when in the park at night or by the bright lights of my mom's car in the window if at home or his mom coming down the steps and coughing before she made it to the bottom. So when I went to the military and we were both home on Christmas leave, his best friend his girl and me and mine went to his friends house and well just let me say that to this day I still regret not waiting for the wine-ing and dining with moonlights and candles... I got it later cuz we are still married but I told my daughters and I tell teens that my way wasn't the right way and yes although I married my first and only, that night is regretable for me. Oh afterwards he bought me some Canai wine and took me home. Even though I was 18, in the Army and considered an 'adult' my mom looked at me and knew. I tell my daughters that they should beat me and do better than I did! That's another comment

actuallaur

Hi all, it sounds like Gina is interested in generational trends so let's make sure to indicate our age or year of birth. I am 26 and my first was when I was 21. My boyfriend (now husband) and I had been dating since 16. He never pressured me. Snuggling and heavy petting can go a long way!
Also, relationships can be rocky when you are young. I wanted to make sure we were in a really secure place. It takes years to really know someone, build trust, and establish good communication. I wanted all of those things (trust, communication, etc.) to be solid before we took it to "that level." I didn't have to wonder: "What does this mean to him" or "What does this mean for our relationship?" I knew him, I knew us, I felt loved and secure. We married at age 24.

I was a teaching assistant for human sexuality at the college level a few years ago and the ignorance about sex and safe sex was scary! I think the increase in abstinence only sex ed is leaving many young adults very uneducated. This show needs to talk about the proper way to store and use condoms. Young people also need to be empowered to feel comfortable about communicating about sex to potential partners. Communicating expectations (what I want, what I will do, what I won't do, what feels good...) BEFORE the act is soo important. It is easier to lay ground rules BEFORE than DURING.

bhorne88

I'm almost 21. I had sex for the first time when I was 18. I've only done the deed with one person and am still with him, so I'm proud in that sense. I had planned on waiting until marriage, but I don't really have any excuse for why I didn't wait. It was just I wasn't thinking logically and got caught upin the moment and those dang hormones kicked in. Any desire I had went away once I got on birth control though.

I have a lot of guy friends and porn really messes with their minds. Some have been addicted to it. It's way too easy to see porn. It's only a click away. They bring those images into bed with their partners and have high expectations of them. It's all messed up.