I hav eto clean my fridge today. but I am just avoiding it. I do not know why. I just want to remeber all those good things in life right now. I just want to lie down in bed watching T.V. , rolling in my comforter. But most of the times , I am really a very good procastinator. I do not know but this trait is embedded in me right from childhood and tehre is one more thing --that is hoarding, I keep collecting things and never using them .Just collecting and I also distribute my collections , rather than using them.This is very strange, but it is there.

yesterday night, everything went smooth. I loved it, I enjoyed it, the memory is so fresh in my mind . Except one thing , I felt that I am looking fat, or the right word is fatso. though I was not I was full due to water, the tummy bloated I felt very bad. very bad. I wanted to do something there and that point , but I did not know what to do. Then I analysed my whole routine and it is perfect. Now it will take some time for gaining that figure and shape. Though now I feel much lighter than before. And I love being feeling that lighter. I thinkI have lost inches and body fat. I have not lost weight yet except one or two lba. I think i will lose all that very soon.

It is great to feel that you still fit 10 years old clothes. Trust me, it is s great feeling, a feeling of victory. Rest later on, right now , I have to go .i have company.

Today I am happy. I am happy due to a major attitude change during the weekend. I was watching a movie and then I realized that the message inherent in the movie was relevant to me. Why spend life in missing what I do not have right now!!!!Then spend rest of life in regretting about what I missed.What is the point of living like this? So I decide dto not to miss what I do not have , and start enjoying, or fully participating in whatever activities are available to me. And once I had this attitude shift, I was more happy and relaxed.

I was talking to somebody .And I really enjoy when somebody shows that keen interest in activities that I do. Today I just want to leave home for a nice walk outside home. Sometimes I feel taht I should do something else besides housekeeping, then I see towards my life and I think that people work all their life looking forward to have some time of their own some day. and I am already havingthat I am bit confused about that. I know only this much that I am living my life . I also hav eput my whole faith on god . Now I have strted praying regularly . I realise HIs Presence everywhere.I am delighted.

Yesterday my son wanted to eat at afast food chain. Though I also like their junk food, but yesterday I did not want to eat that junk food at all. So the moment we were on our way to the fast food, I kept repeating myself ,"There is nothing here that I can eat". I repeated this many times to myself onthe way and till the time we ordered. And it worked. by hte time my husband was about to order , i found myself telling the family that I did not want to eat anyhting here as this food is unhealthy for me . To my surprise , they all understod my position and in fact my husband did not order anything for himself either as he thought that we were in the same boat as far as the age was concerned. i was happy and happy and happy.

In the morning, I could not log into my account, but could not. At that time I wanted to write about something specific.But now it has slipped out of my mind. Now I have started waking up early in the morning once again. Yesterday Icould not go for a walk in neighbourhood. I was feeling empty. but today I will go. I never realised before that some people cannot dance at all. The art that is so natural to some of the people , is totally a new skill for them. for some it is hard to learn dance at any age.

Yesterday , as I was watching T.V. I suddenly realisedthat the time is flying these days. when I was in school, I used to think That time is lsow, I am not getting bigger, when will I reach college. .By the time I was in college , those years were appeared too long to passs. I used to think when will I start earning. Then once I got married , during first six years, time was still slow. And now time seems to fly , faster and faster. And since I have stepped into my thirties , time is flying too fast to catch. Sometimes i feel that I am standing still and time is passing by as scenes pass by when you tavel by trasin. You can see things passing by but you cannot do anything. life is too short to let it fly like that.

After that injury,now i am quite careful about doing exercise. I am doing it gradually. That is pretty fine. That experience of rushing into has frightened me enough to try anything fast.

I read the book The last lecture by Randy Pausch. It was written in such narrative form that I read the whole book in one sitting. After reading the book , I felt like writing to author about my views,Then I realised my helplessness in doing so. HOwever, advanced we have become technologically, but still there is no method through which we can communicate with people in the other world.Then I tried to felt the helplessness of the spouse in such asituation. Frustration, anger, irritation, helplessness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.I could not go beyond these . It was very limiting thought and feeling.

Is not it enough for all of us that those animals are sacrificing their
lives to keep our stomach ,tastes , cravings,and appetites full
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Why do we need to torture them , the freedom that
GOD Almighty has given them , who are we to deny that freedom
!!!!!!!!!! In fact , human is more dangerous than that ferrocious lion
in the jungle.We not only kill living beings of other species , but we
also kill other humans, No animal has this kind of distinction , they
kill only when their life is in danger , very much unlike humans , who
, sometimes, kill without any danger to them.

It has just been 5 days into exercise and I am already bored to death. I do not want to do exercise, they appear to me as punishment for being overweight. Please help me in this matter. I am waiting for everbody's guidance ,advice. Please help me .I am looking forward to your comments.Please contribute to my problem in any way you can. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I have planned to read all my blog entries thoroughly , while reflecting on each on eo fthem. this would give em an insight on where I am going? Sometimes reading thoughtfully rather than writing helps a lot.

I am also planning to make an exercise log in which i could jot down whatever efforts I made for being fit and active. i think that it is a good idea, though I have never logged anything before except this blog. Making a food log sounds so impractical to me that I never started the food log, but I want to try this exercise log , let me see what happens

i wanted to write so badly today. Yesterday I realised that I was not putting my efforts .I actually did not know how to push myself beyond. Results would not materialise in any field until and unless oneself pushes oneself Beyond. And I am not doing exactly that. I was very happy in my own comfortable limits. I did not want to come out of my comfort zone. But now the time has come to change myself, to push mself beyond that comfortable zone.

I am blessed in all other aspects of my life except weight. If I lose weight , that would be one of the best things in my life. But some how I am not able to understand this , I am not able to convince myself to lose weight. I know and understand advantages of losing weight , but still I do not know and understand the reasons about not wanting to lose weight. It is a battle within. and this is the hardest battle believe me , itis much harder than losing weight.

I needed to be extra serious , if I have to lose weight.What i do is I stay ontrack for sometime , the moment my clothes are loosened , I become too happy to continue my efforts. Then the weight comes again , but some more than before. And this cycle gets repeated. TO lose weight I need to break this cycle.I must not get bothered about scale, instead I must keep continuing my efforts until I achieve my target.

I think being romantic also helps in curbing hunger pangs or cravings.When you feel romantic , it does something in stomach and you feel overwhwlmed by the emotion so much that you forget to eat or you do not feel any hunger or craving. this is just my observation, i do not whetehr it has some scientific basis or not.