My exhusband is taking a trip to Mexico with his new family and wants to include our children. I will let him do this because he is their father and I have no reason to step in the way of the relationship with our children and him. He was an awful husband but a great father. He loves all his children so much and I see this love when I see my children return from a weekend with him for they have his love in their eyes and it is a beautiful thing. Every once in a while I can talk to my exhusband like an old friend and this is what happen today. He told me earlier on the phone how he need me to sign a paper so he could take our children to Mexico so he wanted me to meet him at this place on 24th street. I told him just to call me later with the time to meet him. Well it so happen I went to stop at this store on 24th street which was a block away from where we were to meet. I was busy looking at my list and my exhusband walk in. He said "When your done here can you meet me to sign that paper." I smiled at him and said "Sure!" When he left I felt happy to have seen him and for the first time I felt different. I did not feel love or hate for this man. All anger and hurt feelings were gone. I felt at peace with his present. So I bought my things and left to meet him. When I walk out the door there was this down pour of rain as if someone was standing with a bucket of water and just pouring it. I walk to my SUV anyway for I felt this happiness and peace all around me. I was looking forward to seeing my exhusband again. I went to the place and while we wait our turn, I started to talk to him about all kinds of things. It was like running into and old friend once again. We were just catching up with everything and it was fun. After signing the paper we walk to the door the rain was coming down even harder then before. We stood there he and I for that moment in time chatting and watching the rain. That peace and happiness was felt by me as we stood and talk. Then he said "Well I am just park right there so I am going now." He look at me with such a peaceful and happy smile. The moment was just beautiful. I watch as his car pulled out into the street and drive away. I then walk back to my SUV which was not park close but it did not matter. I let myself get soak by that rain feeling the happiness deep in my heart for I was leaving the old friend behind. Like Talking To An Old Friend.

The Vietnam war could of start as early as 1950. Yet the USA will say it start in 1961. Troops left Vietnam in 1975, when looking at this we must ask "So what did we win?" The war in Afghanistan start in October of 2001, it has been 8 years now since this war, and we still have not got a hold of Osama bin Laden. The Iraq start in March of 2003, this war has been going on for the last six years, and have we won anything by this war? Bush tells us we got rid of that Saddam Hussein who was a terrible leader. Yet look at the children left behind in this country in which a war still goes on. When all the troops come home will we be left with a bunch of unhappy men and women like in Vietnam? What is with war when no one wins, when those countries are left with years of rebuilding. Leaving the people in the countries left to decide to forgive and forget or to contine to hate the world. A war when no one wins and pain takes long to forgive, time to rebuild, and peace once again yet we find war just begins again, and a new fight with no winner begins. War when no one wins.

We talk about how Hollywood and television shows show fat people with food at hand eating all the time. I told you how at the buffet I ate a normal size plate while my skinny friend ate many plates of foods. A lot of people told me I should check with a doctor to make sure I do not have a medical problem and one woman still kept telling me exercise. I look into my busy schedule and found I can do one hour of exercise a day. Yet this is all I can do for now since I am so busy with kids, and more. Maybe when they graduate I can do that four hour a day exercises I use to do when I had nothing else to do than I can be the size six this world seems to love. I just want this prejudice to stop. Not all of us eat all day and important were not all LAZY. Sadly I found the prejudice of all overweight people being LAZY starts in children. Two third graders brought this to my attention. It happen when I was working in Kids Club: My hours in Kid Club was 7am to 9am and I would return 3:30pm to 5:30pm. The first conversation took place in the morning with a 3rd grade girl she said "When you leave me do you go home and sleep until you return to take care of me?" A thrid grade boy asked "So do you go home when you finish with me and eat bom boms and watch television." Both assume I was LAZY which made me overweight. I laugh at both of them and then I began my story of what I do when I leave them; On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays I go work in a Cafeteria, on Thursdays I go to Hospice House, and Fridays I come to work at their school. I stay busy so I have no time for sleeping or watching television. It amaze me that both these children thought I was fat because I was LAZY, which they found out was just not true. I have been on six dates from a web site those 6 have become my enemy. Why they did not take the time to get to know me I do not understand. It was find when we talk on the phone or online yet when they met me face to face and seen I was not skinny they decide I was not good enough. Other men I have date who look pass my fat have told me "When I first met you I thought you were a fat LAZY woman who sat in front of a television eating all day or sleeping all day, and yet you proven to be a woman with much more energy then myself." Do you see .com world how foolish we are being by judgement of someone overweight. When you see me you say "Oh there she is FAT, LAZY, AND OVEREATER. Yet if you would take time to know me inside you would see a woman full of energy who might just have even greater energy than you. Not all big people eat too much or are LAZY. Why not get to know us from the inside and look past our outside. You may find how wonderful we are so get to know ME. Let us stop being PREJDICE AGAINST BIG PEOPLE.

I an old school what can I say. I remember once when I was at Sea World in Texas, my father told me to call him after myself and the children enjoy Sea World, yet I did not have a cell so I began to look for a phone booth only to be laugh out by the security guard. "You mean you do not have a cell phone?" he asked. "No!" was my sharp reply. Why does everyone have to have one because everyone else has one. Once when I was on a date with a guy his cell phone went off and I said to him "Oh do not tell me your one of those who has a plug to their butt!" He laughed. Another thing if you do not leave a message on the answering machine then yes I will miss your call because I have no Caller ID. Again I was yell at by someone who could not understand why I could not get up dated. Too bad is my answer I love to be different. Soon I will have No Television because in February you need the fancy equipment sorry I have never been a techno nut. I love to be unlike someone else and live different. Being the same would mean I'd have to own a Cell Phone, program it with Caller ID, and up date my equipment on my Television. NOT I, for I am unique and loving it.

I order a book written by a man who knows a lot about weight lost so I had been told. Then when I open the book the first words I read is about emotional eating problem or how to control what you eat before eating it. I slam that book shut, throw it across the room, and scream into my pillow "NOT AGAIN!" I always get books about fat people who have an eating problem and I am so tired of television and movies showing fat people eating everything under the sun. Always on television and movies a fat person has food at hand, what about someone like myself who does not have an eating problem? I wrote a blog about my skinny friend who can out eat me and let me tell about the time we went to a buffet. I ate one plate of salad, she had two, I ate one plate of corn, potatoes, meat, and bread, she ate three plates of food and two breads, I had one slice of pie, and she had four kinds of deserts and ice cream. She even said to me "Is that all your eating?" I said "Well yes because this is all my stomach can stand." See my stomach tells me when to stop eating. Then my friend made the comment of how I look like how she eats and I said "I know it is just not fair." If I had an eating problem it would be easy for me to lose weight because I would just stop eating so much. Now you tell me What Can One Do When Eating Is Not A Problem? I really wish someone could write a book so I can start doing something. Yet I still have to find the autor of a book which says: What Can One Do When Eating Is Not A Problem?

I was thinking when I was married to a man from Mexico and how I use to not be in the Mexican way of thinking. See when your married to someone from another country it is good to know the language and about the culture. Something I never tried to understand while being married to this man and it is no wonder why he said to me "I wish I would of married someone like my mother or at lease a girl from my town." I would laugh at this and say to him "You would be bored." Now he is with a girl like his mother, and this July she is going to Mexico with him and my children. They will stay for a month and I feel a little sad that I can not be there but I know I am not married to this man, he has a new woman, and I was never the Mexican way. I remember when I was married to him and we would go to a party I would sit next to him drinking a beer. The other women did not drink nor sit next to their men. They would group up together. Once my husband had told me to join the women, so I did yet I could not speak to them since I did not know the language, so I got bored sitting there not understanding anything, so then I would go grab me another beer, and go sit with the men. They were more nice to me for some would even try to speak English. My husband got nods of disapproval and so soon he stop taking me out. His new woman fits right in and he is so happy that he has his mother back in his life for this is what she acts like. I guess being different never cut it in our marriage for we got into many fights and now were divorce. I hate that my kids will be gone a whole month, it will be like they left me to go to college or something. Sometimes I could just kick myself for not understanding how to do it THE MEXICAN WAY!

Thanks everyone for your comments and I have thought of what to do with myself. I plan to keep moving for heart health but not worry what the scale tells me. I understand my body was not met to be thin, so when someone tells me "I see you have lost some weight, yet if you keep working out maybe you can lose more." I will let these words in one ear and fall out the other. I know I am eating right and exercising. My body shape just will not improve and we as people should stop judgment of skin deep and start looking more with in.

The book is call "IN SWEET COMPANY" by Margaret Wolff. She talks to women about Spiritual Life and More. There were two things in this book that really touch me. The first one can be found on page 201 the talk was with Rabbi Laura Geller she said "Though I'm now happily married, I'm divorced from the father of my children. We share joint custody and work very cooperatively as co-parents but the children spend a lot of time with their father in his home, I missed out on the parts of their lives that occurred when they were with him. It's the one aspect of my life I feel sad about." Wow I thought to myself she hit what I feel with my own children. I am a single parent and every time my children go off with their father and his new family I feel that pain she talk about and this has help me to understand even more about myself. The second person who said something that touch me was on page 232-233 by Sri Daya Mata, "Men and women are meant to be helpmates, working together as divine friends, as companions, to help each other become more balanced within themselves. This is part of the divine purpose of marriage, of every relationship between man and women. Neither should try to control or dominate the other." Wow very powerful words. I am sure you will find this book very entertaining and more so do get your copy of "IN SWEET COMPANY" soon and find someones words that will touch you.