For the last four years I have been in a lot of pain because my marriage did not work out the way I plan it. I met my husband when I was 19 years old and in my heart I knew he was the man for me. He kept me on the back burner for six years, that was when he decided to marry me. I was 25 years old on a day of April 23, 1994, in a belief that this man was it, that he was the one that would be my forever man. It was a hell on earth marriage that even gave me two children. I awoke that day of October 22, 2003, that for the past 16 years I was living a lie with a man that would never love me know matter what I did, and so we start divorce papers that October 31, 2003. The whole time I was in this loveless dream I believe I was no one without this man. I then jump into a second marriage to a different man, one I did not even really know. I tell you God was there for me because that man went to jail and again I woke up to a different way of life, drugs, drinking too much, smoking, and having different men going in and out of my life because I did not want to face this pain-body. I wanted to still hide, then I read Eckhart Tolle's books, and his books have show me how to face this pain-body for the first time. It has been an ugly road of tears, feeling mad, but in the end it has all been worth it because long at last I am free to be ME. That is right ME. From now I get to know who this me is and where she is going. One thing I know for sure she is not going backward and it is sad that it took her to almost age 40 to find this out. That is right dot com world I will be 40 years old this July 20th 2008, but hay I will just look at it this way this woman who celebrated her 112th birthday put it. "I was dead in a smog of smoke until the age of 65 years old, for this was the first time in my life I finally awoken, and living a true life of now."