Kitchen work is a lot harder then I thought. For the first two hours of my job I sit and do paper work about everything the children eat. I have to write the amount, how much was past out, and what each food group was given. The next two hours I serve lunch to the freshman class, then if it is my day to wash dishes, then I wash all the dishes, and empty two trash cans in the kitchen. If it is not my day to do dishes then I wipe all the tables, the serving table down, the table we made the meals on, I sweep, mop, and empty four trash cans in the cafeteria. When I go home I can hardly move but I have to since I have to go to my second job which is my Kids Club job. It has been one drama week since I have quit mornings. My director favorite employee quit and one boy was punch in the eye. She even told me "See all that has happen since you left us?" I wanted to tell her sorry but you will just have to do for I am leaving for good next year but I could not. I felt she put me on the spot and I could not spoil it. I am just too nice people tell me but I hate hurting people, because I know what it is like to be hurt and I hate to do this to others. My exboyfriend said it best, he said "You are too good for your own good" Well my new job is really working hard just like I ask for and it will continue to pay my bills. Also I will be able to have sit down dinners with my kids so I can really say my dreams have come true. My new job is a job that will help pay my bills.

For the last four years I have been in a lot of pain because my marriage did not work out the way I plan it. I met my husband when I was 19 years old and in my heart I knew he was the man for me. He kept me on the back burner for six years, that was when he decided to marry me. I was 25 years old on a day of April 23, 1994, in a belief that this man was it, that he was the one that would be my forever man. It was a hell on earth marriage that even gave me two children. I awoke that day of October 22, 2003, that for the past 16 years I was living a lie with a man that would never love me know matter what I did, and so we start divorce papers that October 31, 2003. The whole time I was in this loveless dream I believe I was no one without this man. I then jump into a second marriage to a different man, one I did not even really know. I tell you God was there for me because that man went to jail and again I woke up to a different way of life, drugs, drinking too much, smoking, and having different men going in and out of my life because I did not want to face this pain-body. I wanted to still hide, then I read Eckhart Tolle's books, and his books have show me how to face this pain-body for the first time. It has been an ugly road of tears, feeling mad, but in the end it has all been worth it because long at last I am free to be ME. That is right ME. From now I get to know who this me is and where she is going. One thing I know for sure she is not going backward and it is sad that it took her to almost age 40 to find this out. That is right dot com world I will be 40 years old this July 20th 2008, but hay I will just look at it this way this woman who celebrated her 112th birthday put it. "I was dead in a smog of smoke until the age of 65 years old, for this was the first time in my life I finally awoken, and living a true life of now."

Before I went to sleep last night my child told me, mom, "Dad is not getting married after all." "Oh," I said, "Why not?" "Well, the woman who wants to marry him, wants to marry in a Catholic church, and dad is not pure Catholic." This set up my Nightmare; I was in this house and in the dream the house belong to me. The funny thing is my exhusband had tools in my basement so he would come to my home when he felt like it to get his tools. I guess sometimes we would have sex because in the dream I was telling him I could not wait to go to bed with him and I could not understand why we could not just get back together. He said "I would never go back with you, I would have sex with you every once in a while but this is all it would be, sex, I thank you for leaving me, because this woman I am with now is just the woman my mom loves me to be with, so you did me a favor." He walk out the door leaving me feel lower than dirt. I woke up in sweat, feeling use and abused. What A Nightmare.

I could feel you in the room with me. The interview went well but then she said "Roxane You Will Have To Past A Test." I smiled and said "Okay" I will take this test in May. Sad but true it is always the Test that end my job. I am not good at Test, and I think it has to do with my learning disability. My mind just goes blank and I usually get a failing grade, this is why I failed at school. Anyway Thank You for your well wishes, I know this help me in the interview. I only wish you could help me with the TEST.

My director found out that I will be quiting because a job I apply for sent her a paper to fill out about me. She came in my face and said "So I guess you will not be working for me next year?" She had caught me off guard because I did not know she got that piece of paper on me. I think she realize this because then she said "I asked this because I got a paper to fill out about how you work for me." I smile and said "Well I might still work for you if I get Gomez." Then I smiled, this might of help for she gave me a good review she even let me look at it. I really do not understand why she would still want me to work for her because it is not like she treated me very nice and when it comes to travel it is I who have been doing this to the varies schools, So I Just Do Not Get It.