I can not do the live class on Monday but I do the make up class during the week. I have learn so much about myself with the work book and the make up class. I have learn so much from them. I think it all adds up together when you listen to the talks in the live class on Monday, do the work book, the breathing exercises, and read both books. I have learn so much about myself and mistakes I have been making most of my life. I remember my life change when I was in the 2nd grade and it only lead me into more trouble. I will be turning 40 years old this July 20th. I remember what someone said "You really do not start living life until your 40." I see true meaning in this statement since turning 40 years old is around the corner for me. I really hate that it took me this long to have been awaken but I will not feel this body pain any longer and I am glad I have awoken in time to live out the rest of my life. Thanks Oparh and Tolle.

It was a hot day, the house was cool because the air was running, I was dusting, and my children were down stairs doing art work. I was listening to them laugh, they sound like they were having fun. Then I heard their talk about an up coming wedding, her dress will have a long white train I heard one of them saying, and the other said yes, and it will take two to four people to carry it. Then I heard them say they will marry in the big Catholic church in Mexico. Yes, I heard that church is so beautiful the other one said, and I was baptize in that church. I knew then who they were talking about their soon to be Stepmother and father's wedding. As I walk down the stairs I heard one of the children say how romantic it was to see dad get on his knees, take her hand, and kiss each finger slowly before placing the ring on her finger. I felt sick as I reach that bottom step, I want to run to my room, and cry. Before I could run away both children were beside me with bright eyes looking at me, they said "So was your wedding beautiful?" I hid my pain, suck in my breath, and began to think of that day. He was sitting in the back seat of a friends car, two other guys were up front the driver and another passenger. He was holding my hand, which he stuck out the window, he was waiting for me to answer. He ask me to marry him, not like will you marry me with the stars in the eyes, but more like, let us get married for you will be a great help to me. What he met by that he would be able to work on his citizenship, and he need me for that. He want me because he thought I was a good lay, yet he did not love me. He kept remind me of that, yet he said "Who knows maybe your love will rub off on me." I had no self esteem, and no self love for myself. I wanted to be married, yet I wanted a Catholic wedding, and a proposal from someone who felt the same. Yet he was before me and I want to be married so I except. Funny three months later from that day I except his proposal, and when the date was set for April, I found him on his knees looking into another girls eyes asking her to save him from the fate of me. How could I tell my children this. Instead I went up to my Hope Chest and gave them my wedding album, and would let them think whatever they wanted. I listen to them going oh and ah as I walk up to my room, locking the door behind me, I curly up into a ball, and bawl my eyes out. It is just not fair I cried, all my life I worked to marry the right man, to get married in a Catholic church, to have the dress with the train, and all I get was an ugly divorce. I have to live on my own and raise two children. Who gets my dream wedding a STEPMOTHER.

**FOOTNOTE**Now that I have read Eckhart Tolle books I have learn what I wanted was a roll. A roll as a bride all dress in white, married in a Catholic church, to a soul mate, and after become a mother, who would live in a house, with a white picket fence, and have five children. Instead of a roll I got a divorce and live as a single mother of two children. I have been given life in now.

I have learn from the "POWER OF NOW" how to stay in the present moment instead of thinking what I have to do tomorrow, next week, or next year. It has also taught me to do something that makes me happy. I found I enjoy children, I like to be around them, and listen to them talk. Many people can not do this for they say kids make them crazy, and it is funny to see some of these people try to work with children for I see them in the back ground pulling out their hair or cussing. I do not understand why someone would put themselves in a place they do not want to be yet you see this happening and then you ask yourself why childcare is falling a part. I can tell you first hand you got people who do not care and not enough money is being paid so this anger people more, yet answer this would this make them do a better job? I think not. Another thing I like to do is work with older people. I find them very wise and fun to be around. Other thing you find is again people who complain while working these jobs as well. I enjoy kids for they are fresh and new to this world. They wait to learn and be taught. I like the older folks for they have much to teach if you just listen and keep open. The people I can not stand are the people who are ages 20 to 59 years old. I find these people like big know it all or unhappy with life. I listen to them hating their jobs, their homes, and some can not stand their children. I just find myself feeling confused by these people and I wonder if I should get each of them a copy of Eckhart Tolle's Books, maybe then they too can find happiness.

Before I got married I had a dream of a house made of glass. The house sat on a hill cover with daisies, it was a two story house, and it had a long driveway. In my dream I was in one of the upstairs bed rooms looking out into this driveway. In the driveway was my mom, dad, two sisters, and brother, they had a picnic lunch pack, for they were head out for a day by the sea. I was watching them from inside the glass house, standing behind me was my future husband, he had his arms around my waist, and was kissing the back of my neck. I wanted to push him away from me and run down to be with my family, yet I knew I would soon be married to this man so I stay put and watch my family drive away. I look at this dream meaning I was to be with him and leave my family. Well last night I had that glass house dream again. This time I see my exboyfriend laid out on the couch, he is watching television, and the only thing I see moving is a finger which keeps flipping channels on the television. I can not go into the room because a big piece of sold glass is in my way but I hear a phone ringing so I go to find the phone so I can answer it. The phone is white and has one of those dials on it like those phones back in the day. I pick it up and say "Hello" on the other end is my exhusband, we go into a talk about time pass, like our trips to Mexico and getting married. Well I start to feel angry so the phone changes from white to a black cordless phone and there is a fish tank full of goldfish in the room and this is where I drop the phone, as I watch the phone sink to the bottom of this fish tank, I feel a warm breeze on the back of my neck, and so I turn to see an open window. I walk to this window, and I see a nice sunny day. The daisies are in full bloom and I feel as if I want to pick them and smell them. So I climb out that window, and find myself standing in that field full of daisies. I pick a whole bunch and hug them as if they were my baby, and I begin to take a deep breath as I smell their fragrances. Then I see a path which looks inviting and beon the path is a big blue space. I feel I want to go there, yet before I begin my journey, I turn my eyes to the glass house, in the drive way I see my family leaving for their trip by the sea, in the living room my exboyfriend still is laying down his finger still flipping through channels, and then upstairs I see my exhusband standing by that window looking at me. He does not look happy or sad just normal. This is when I throw the daisies up in the air, and as they rain down on me I turn in a slow happy circle, I feel so free. I then turn to the path and walk toward the big blue. When I wake up I am crying and it is hard to stop, when I do I think of that dream I just had, and this is what I think it means: The HOUSE OF GLASS, was my life. I was living behind this glass looking into the world yet now I am free of this glass and from now on the life I will live will be my own life. This feels good and new to me because for the first time I will be living a life for real and not behind a HOUSE OF GLASS.