We have been enjoying some fabulous winter weather this past week, and I am always glad that the laundry dries without the intervention of modern technology. There has been sufficient sunlight and a warm wind to blow out all the damp corners of the house and even the evenings have not been too cold. Last night however the north-wester returned and did its best to lift the roof and blow away anything not firmly tethered down. My red hot poker aloes are bent and close to finishing, but spring flowers are gradually appearing on the bank below us. We call it the green season because in between the storms we can dry out and enjoy the beauty of the wintering flowers.

As much as there is a contradiction in the weather right now, my daughter and I am at odds about her faltering starts to her career. She attempted the university course away from home and now is back in the middle of the year without any purpose or direction at the moment. To her delight she is being courted by a very sincere and caring young man and this is a balm to a soul battered by obstacles that no person should ever have endured in such a young life.

As the parent and responsible adult though I think sometimes that my entire life has been about guilt and doing the right thing. This entails working, working and working. I never had the opportunity offered to me to study at university, and thus my guilt is that perhaps I put pressure on her to study further. Well, I might believe that if she did not visit a therapist once a week who decided she was university material. I actually tried to make sure that she wasn't feeling pressurised into anything that would be too much for her fragile state of mind. She only lasted a few weeks away from home before it all became too much for her and the tablet episode was the last straw for me. She insisted that all was fine and stayed on at the university for a while longer.

Now she is back home I am paying for the wasted course fees and this will take until the end of the year to settle. Her therapist advised her to tackle a new study course and I am fully backing her quest to get studying again. Alas, I do not have additional funding for the new course until next year. She is not occupied now and it is better that she remains unemployed so I can keep her as a dependent on the medical aid for the expensive anti-depressants and therapy she still requires. All of this is a direct fall out of the molestation by a school teacher so many years ago. How long does it take to regain self esteem, a sense of dignity and purpose? She appears to be socialising more and I am grateful she is home safely.

My question then is "when is enough ever enough", to be answered by another one "why do we ask such a silly question"

I am truly satisfied with my daughter's progress right now.

The casual winter is slowly working its way through the dark months and gradually the questions will be answered in the fullness of time.