Life is an adventure one day at a time..... : May 2009

by eveduval
Description: Blogging is therapy. Oprah taught me to look for one precious sign every day to make the day worthwhile. It works. I will report my findings here. The journals stopped a nervous breakdown last year when in a family crisis. The crisis continues....:(
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I have had a couple of life challenging events since I last wrote a blog here. It is as though the year is spinning past, and yet if I look back I realise that only a couple of weeks have actually gone by.

This past month has seen the return of my daughter from university. She phoned me on a Saturday and declared she wanted to come home. That was the deal, give me the call and I will take care of everything. I booked the flight online for the following evening and she arranged with the houseparents for a lift to the airport. Only three months away and a much bigger load of luggage to either dispose of or bring home under bulk baggage. It took months to plan the trip away and only a day for it all to be reversed. She was home and in her own room by the following evening.

As with all the events surrounding her erratic and ever challenging lifestyle, I knew we had to take stock of the situation and simply go with the flow. I felt regret for her, as this was her dream once again crumbling. But my selfish mind took over, and I rejoiced in her return, as secretly I was not enjoying her being away. I did not believe that she could be so far away for a period of 8 years. But what to do next was a big question. She was back home due to severe depression and on the advice of the psychiatrist she chose coming home over going to hospital. She is back and on medication. She sleeps a lot and is not interested in studying. At least it is the onset of winter and our biorhythms are slowing down.

She accompanied us on a weekend trip we had been invited on for my brother's birthday. We travelled through countryside that has now turned a browny blue colour, and the flowers that bloomed so vibrantly in summer have simply turned brittle and papery, still strong enough however to cling to stems and wave valiantly in the wind. There is a starker beauty to the landscape , but I could see everything settling into a long sleep, almost grateful that the hot summer sun and wind has let up and calmness prevails on the autumn landscape.

The ravaging fires that sweep across everything in the way will be replaced by frost and snow. I know that we are just as conditioned as the land to this change in the season. I also want to stay indoors, eat comfort food and not fight the elements. I am pleased my family is back home and even her animals are over the moon at her return. It is the way it should be.

Now, what will we do with a person in the depths of depression just returned from what was supposed to be an opportunity of a lifetime? The answer is of course, nothing. She is going to take up her part-time job again, she will assist with household chores and simply enjoy being at home. She consults her therapist who apparently does not know what to suggest any more. We enjoy even the simplest daily routines and television does play a huge part in filling in gaps. She enjoys House and Grey's Anatomy. Bigger decisions about her future will come later, when she is feeling better. Nothing really matters as much as her recovery.

I am feeling a little guilty however, because I made a wish a short while ago that she could be in a more normal environment without pressure, and even perhaps more balance in her life. I stood on the edge of the ocean on Mother's day, with my daughter by my side. My wish is being granted. She has only been home now for just under a month and is picking herself up slowly. Nothing is cast in concrete and uncertainty is still playing a big role in our lives.

I am confident that the winter is going to be milder than the past few years, and as the anniversary of the revelation of her ordeal looms this week, all I am praying for my birthday is a miracle : to see her smile and really happier than she has been for a very long time.

There is change afoot. Winter is the perfect excuse for the plan to take seed and grow. We need this time to simply bide our time and wait.

I am hopeful.

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Paying it forward with no cost...

Posted on May 1, 2009 4:53 AM

Today, May 1st, is Workers Day in my country. I think we are all having a festival of days off, with a holiday to elect our new government, a day off to celebrate Freedom Day, and now today.

Unfortunately, even though the holidays are meant to give us all a welcome break to reflect on the past, present and future, all too many people are working double shifts instead of being at home resting.

Our dear lady mayor has been promoted to Premier of our province, and a photograph yesterday showed her on hands and knees packing her own boxes in readiness for the move into the official residence. So much has been said about the election results in my province being strictly on racial lines, but this lady speaks three official languages, can jive and sing for each particular audience mix, and now she even packs and unpacks her own office. She has no bias towards any race, and is in hands and all to get this country governed with fairness and transparency.

I am so impressed with the support she has received, proving how one person with enthusiasm and a will to make a difference can actually be liked and supported by all communities willing to vote otherwise in spite of a very strong political party that won all the provinces except this jewel.

It is the Mother City and a mother has taken the top job. I am also very impressed that the new government about to be sworn in has also appointed women to rule in most of the other provinces. What seemed like a gamble two weeks ago, has turned out much better than expected.

Back in my little world, I decided to return a favour to a colleague by taking a large sum of money to the local bank to be deposited. She warned me that there would be a long queue as it was the last day of the month and also the week, due to the holiday today.

The queue did indeed snake around the corner in the bank. The walker in the bank requested that I keep a space for a lady in the queue as she could not stand. I caught the lady's eye and she nodded in thanks to me. She told me that she could drive and walk, but not stand in a long queue. Well, I was on a mission of goodwill, and one more was no problem. We did get chatting and she told me she had been on chemotherapy for six months. I replied how well she was looking. She told me her family thought she was amazing because even though over the age of 70, she preferred to stay alone in spite of her illness. We both wrily agreed that life was a challenge.

When I reached the front of the queue, she sidled up and we chatted a bit more. She pushed a money note into my hand in thanks for keeping her place. I was aware of a young woman behind me who was in a hurry to get to the top of the queue as she was late for her train. She did not grumble about this lady who was sitting down, and reminded me not to forget her when shifting closer to the bank counter. I could not take money from an elderly person, no matter how grateful she was. It was my turn to pay it forward. I asked her to give the money to the young woman behind me. She told me to do whatever I wished with the money, give it away to the person behind, or to my church. She was taking her family to dinner and was drawing cash to pay for the meal upfront. That way, she said, they could not pay for the meal as they usually insisted. She told me she was over 70 and now she could do as she pleased.

I know therefore that it was her prerogative to give me a reward for kindness, but in honesty, it was simple politeness without reward. I wished her well, and as she reached the bank counter, I turned to the woman behind me and gave her the money. My only reward I could have asked for from all of this was some future happiness. A prayer for my own family's safety would have been enough. The old lady could have been my late mother. I wanted the warmth from her smile and her courage for myself. The resulting surprise and pleasure from the unexpected gift the woman behind me received from this lady second hand was also a reward enough.

They do say one good turn deserves another. It was indeed an interesting trip to the bank.

I am still thinking about this amazing lady who put others before herself when she had enough of a reason to complain about her own difficulties. I think we had a connection and I do hope that we will meet again.

Mothers have an amazing capacity to put others before themselves. The future is looking better for it.

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