What is the best level of tolerance, pain threshold and maintenance to be an optimum person. Ok, I am not an analyst by profession, but our limitations are probably about as close as we will ever get to knowing ourselves. Motivational experts will say we have to push ourselves to the limit in order to achieve and succeed in life. If we are one dimensional then it would not be a problem. I have a lot of fun reading people's starsigns, because to me anyway, sometimes the descriptions do fit the person rather aptly. I have read up that our names also determine our personalities when we do some sums according to numerology tables. Now that is surely impossible, because our parents chose our names.

And of course when we are older we can read up our starsigns and live according to the attributes if we approve of them. My starsign is less than complimentary, I am supposed to be a muddled person with too many projects and none of them ever finished. I like to read, write and communicate and would prefer a computer to crowds of people, yet if pushed I can be gregarious and fun loving. Hmm, did the computer come first, or was my odd personality already far gone from day one, I think the latter. I used to analyse the tiniest details and talk to insects when very small and even now I cannot hurt a fly. So I think I am still the same person I ever was, with or without the starsign to influence me. I can be cluttery and even my cell phone and email inbox is always full. So I do not have all my ducks in a row. But I do know where they live. I am a free spirit, and that is a wonderful gift. I am able to empathise and feel a presence that never makes me afraid of passing on one day. I was born in May, almost summer in the northern hemisphere, and yes, there are probably some Celtic roots there.

My late mother, bless her, used to study up on amusing epitaphs on grave stones. We discovered a diary she must have written at the age of 17, and she had some amazing quotes she had obviously found worthwhile recording. My father dedicated a memorial stone to her and all who share her resting place, with a well known quote to chill anyone reading it, which was taken from turn of the century gravestone that she really thought was appropriate: "Stop traveller, stop, as ye pass by, As you are now, so once was I". Mom, that is not funny. Quirky and almost irreverant, but true. No beating about the bush, straight and honest and true. She was a moody person, a homeloving and warm mother. She was a Cancerian. And yes, she fits the bill. A person with moods can be difficult to live with. My grandfather used an old fashioned trick of throwing his hat into the house, and waited to see if it was thrown back. There was banter, there was friction. I loved her to bits, moods and all.

In my household I believe in the mantra of "Give peace a chance". I feel that who we are determines our limits. If people are moody they are high maintenance people. These types are also intelligent and good looking. They can command a presence. The hat throwing trick works well for these people.

For us the door is always open, and we would bring out the best crockery for our guests. But, as low maintenance people, we do not attract much attention. Our house is friction free and so calm that our dogs can sleep day and night and not know the difference. There is no climate control here, no need to screech to be heard, or use expletives to get our point across. Sooo low maintenance, it is almost dull. And if that doorbell rang we would cringe because we are not ready for invasion of the noisy kind. How do we push ourselves to the limit? We suffer with rejection and even worse, sometimes the lack of rejection due to indifference.

The media is filled with stories of misfortune and calamities, and yet it is human nature not to tell the neighour when someone in the family is not coping for fear of judgement. A high maintenance person would have that story on the front page. Some stories will never have the ink drying on a tabloid, yet they happen to everyone all the same. The low maintenance people say "Deal with it". The high maintenance people say "Do it". Loud and proud. At least these days anyways. A lot has changed in the past 100 years. Discretion is almost extinct.

I still need to be reassured that ours is a normal household, and it is okay to have a lower threshold of sensitivity to life's challenges. The bigger picture is out there and we do not need to make a noise to hide our insecurities. We are all frail, and we are all on the same journey. No worries, no stress, no maintenance. Chill.

Love from Eve

Just as I tapped into this blog, those words popped up on the radio. As much as I thought we were ok with the separation, everything went pear -shaped. I was needed at the other side of the country. My daughter, bless her, took ill from a bout of initiation sickness combined with a very unconvincing birthday, after all, turning 21 away from loved ones is a tall order. I am so proud of me, I booked the flight, accommodation for two and the road trip all online and via texting. To young people of course, this is an every day occurrance, but if you consider that in my second from last year of school that handheld calculators were introduced in the classroom, we have come a long way, baby.

Pertaining to initiation rites, I feel compelled to address this awful subject because it has caused much controversy in my country given that schools and universities have just commenced the new academic year. My daughter was a victim of human rights abuse and therefore she has every right to feel uncertain when thrust back into surroundings she has been shielded from for the past three years. She has to wear a uniform again, and is put into situations of mixing with new people, sometimes even experiencing triggers of extremely unpleasant reminders of her past trauma in a school situation. Anyone who suffers with post-traumatic stress disorder will identify with the terror of being back where the trauma occurred. Sure, this was not the same school, but as she admitted to me last week, it is like being at school all over again. Of course there is no gain without pain, and it is her choice to study further at university.

Which brings me to the human rights issue: even though a person has had redress to a problem not of their own making as in the case of abuse of trust, the problem does not disappear overnight, and can cause flashbacks when under stress. There are some really serious initiation practices that have occurred this past couple of weeks, apart from my own daughter's need to take an excessive amount of tablets to feel better directly resulting from flashbacks. One mother discovered that her young son and his schoolmates were thrashed repeatedly with hockey sticks, cricket bats and finally a whip in order to be allowed to have electrical appliances in their hostel rooms. When there was evidence of a possible snitch, they were made to run 15 laps around the school field by the sportsmaster who decided they were disloyal and needed to be taught a further lesson about keeping quiet. Two universities have suspended senior students for the practice of "seal clubbing" ie forcing the first year students to partake in indecent acts with them. One senior student was also arrested for raping an 18 year old female student in a so-called initiation rite. How far have we come in terms of human evolvement!!!

My poor child did not have access to a court case when abuse of trust occurred and because of the unresolved issues she carried her secret for three weeks before deciding she could not cope in surroundings that constantly took her back to the impossible situation that now made her three years older than her roomies. She tried to find her own counselling without telling me. She felt alone with a secret that was burning inside and tried to cope with first year activities that in fact made her feel anxious and insecure. I am praying that my visit made a difference, when in fact all I wanted to do was bring her home. Our second plan would be for me to get an apartment nearby, given that she is in a delicate mental state. Easier said than done, as our home and jobs cannot be relocated. The courses she wants to study are very far from home and to come home at this stage would defeat her aim of studying veterinary medicine. I know she is a survivor and we are continuing on the same track. It is a pity that the very government institution responsible for her future nearly destroyed her, and now that she is back in the system it is still a great risk to her mental well-being.

She gave me a very big thumbs-up as I left and we talk all the time on the telephone and via texting. She will succeed, the setback was to be expected. I am privileged to be her mother and I wish I could be there........whatever it takes, I will be there.