Another day in "Paradise"....

Today was a very long day, albeit we are at minimum daylight hours. My weekly visit to a different company, I don't think I have been this drained for a while. It seems as if the work ethic in that office is alive and well, eight and a half hours straight with no lunch break. The energy seems to come from somewhere. Where it really shows is when I sit in front of the telly after dinner. It has a hypnotic effect on me, and is so soothing I can be asleep as soon as the first batch of really bad commercials hit the screen. Sometimes though the adverts are better than the movie. My family are very self-contained and if the television was switched off we would not miss it. There are days where it is only turned on for the 7pm news, and then the various overseas news channels are also scanned for what is happening in the world. My daughter is working and studying, my son is studying in the morning and putting his skills to practice in the afternoons and is again glued to his computer in the evenings. The sitting room is quiet as they keep to their corners of the house. My father is perfecting his recording skills and is about to cut his first CD on his piano in his domain. I love to hear him playing, as it is very nostalgic and makes a house into a family home. He is very modest but he is getting better and better. I have learned something new on Excel today. (It sounds funny, but I believe it is good to learn one new thing every day no matter how small!).

Our domestic scene surrounding me is something like this: four dogs on various dog blankets and a sofa especially set aside for them, clean covers on a regular basis, and a little black and white cat, almost feral, is grooming the youngest canine member of the family. They both arrived on our doorstep in bedraggled and near death states, and have bonded in spite of their differences. Jed and Wally have warm winter coats on. The one bar of the gas heater is all they need to stretch out in blissful contentment. Oh and the poor long suffering man of the house is in a deep sleep, he's also taking a bit of a knock with the cold early mornings. I am so lucky that he brings me a cup of tea first thing. After that it is everyone to themselves. Routine is a great leveller in the realm of great expectations of what married life offers. Domestic bliss, not, I am mostly away from home, except to catch up on the weekends and to prepare for another week. There is no choice actually. Keeping our heads above water takes precedence, and I am keeping up with modern office technology, which is useful.

We go out to work everyday and the dogs guard the house in return for home comforts. We are glad we have our furry companions who go completely hysterical if they hear an unusual noise, day or night. One of our near neighbours was severely assaulted in his bed in the middle of the night recently by knife wielding assailants. I hope our dogs are alert enough to save our lives one day, something they appear willing to do every time somebody even touches our front gate or rings the doorbell.

There is so much political unrest and uncertainty at the moment in the north of our country, and on the home front there are hefty increases in our mortgage loans, prime lending rates, petrol and electricity. My boss is full of the woes of a pending collapse of the property industry. I have offered to work three days instead of four for the same pay to help with her budgetry constraints, lol. Of course none of the above is funny, but hey, while we wait for paydays, at least the time is slowing down for now. I am not capable of holding the world on my shoulders and I need all the energy I can get to make it through another working day. So for as long as the employment can last, bring it on! Perhaps one day I can lay me down and get a real rest. Wake me up when the movie starts though!!.

Tip for the day: It's not our job to carry the world alone on our shoulders, but if we all hold a tiny piece, perhaps we can make a difference in a positive and uplifting way.

So keep on smiling, love from Eve on the other side of "Paradise"

THE JOURNEY

This morning I climbed from my lofty bed; thankful for the roof overhead,

The night storms still passing above; first light exposing how rough,

The weather is always bad this time of the year; cold wet winters are the norm

I have grown to love the north westerly fronts; when I can close my door against them

And set a cup of warmth before me; a steaming bowl of promises

I've always taken on the challenges; this winter's day is like no other

And though I feel the comfort of home; and dread the thought of leaving

I know how blessed I am; with the milk of human kindness

I witnessed this morning with a cold grasp; of the other side, a man with a trolley

Pushing aloft his treasure; is it shopping you may ask

It is piled high with heavy wet branches; he must propel in driving rain

His objective is to get warm again; the great divide is very plain

And though our paths may cross; and our purpose may be dual

Mine is of such a minor scale; whilst his suffering is very cruel.

Eve (c)2008

I wish everyone a safe passage through the winter of their lives, may they find a warm haven to be safe in.

Love from Eve, South Africa

Notes on raising a Child....

I thought a lot about what I wrote about childhood innocence and how in its purest form it is strong and unbreakable. I know that my description was meant within the context of a secure and loving homelife, where all the ten commandments are a part of daily living. There is not a mention of "thy shalt not abuse the trust of thy children, nor take away innocence before the time is right". Call it the 11th commandment. What if this was entrenched firmly in the brains of apparent God- fearing people, would the abusers of the trust placed in them when caring for our children think twice about what they were doing? Would they stop abusing innocence?

It seems that rules are made to be broken. Sometimes by even highlighting a no-go zone, people delight in defying the rules. We still have murders, incest, infidelity, greed and deception. All fall under the heading of "Abuse of Trust". I believe this is the biggest vice of all. If a child has learnt betrayal through the inconceivable act of an adult laying hands upon them in a sexual manner and then being made to believe it is their secret and shameful, this is a crime of life-changing magnitude. All other petty crimes emanate from adults who behave badly. If their behaviour is not exemplary in the presence of a child, the child will absorb these vices like a sponge. If the child is not corrected, the no-longer innocent person will grow into a lifestyle lacking guilt and rather a strong sense of justification of why the anti-social behaviour is okay, because behaving like an innocent person is showing a weakness of character.

Children are the closest to where we have come from, and it is wonderful to see how they communicate with one another in the infant stages, very sweet and caring. As they grow they tend to imitate us, and their behaviours also tend towards the personality they are born with. If the child is living in a family who detests human weakness, it could manifest in the playground, where bullies first try out their new found ability to intimidate others. Unfortunately some adults will delight in making a child grow up before the time, and infer that they are readly for childhood romances, and even decide who the child would date. Why destroy innocence so soon? Comparison of one child with another is another loss of innocence. Isolation from siblings and a lack of family bonding is a loss of innocence. Children who grow up in a home lacking in love and attention lose their innocence when they see what they are lacking in another family.

My own mother was an only child and she hated it. She insisted that my brothers and I appreciate one another, as we were indeed fortunate to have one another to grow up with. I enjoyed my secure childhood as long as differences between us were not highlighted. School is a loss of innocence, when we are forced to compete for a place in the ranks.

All of my examples are merely a part of growing up. If we have all the factors that make us stronger, we can still remain innocent to a certain degree. A loving family will easily dispel fears about the challenges we face everyday. But if we have suffered "abuse of trust" by an adult, innocence is lost forever. An unforgiveable rite of passage, and anyone capable of such a deed is deserving of the punishment afterwards when named and shamed.

All is not lost if the victim is carefully counselled and loved, but one cannot ever restore innocence lost. It is never to late to have a happy childhood, when we are given the opportunity to enjoy it again with our innocent children. A precious gift indeed.

~Evelyn Du Val~

Interesting question I ask often when people tend to squabble about petty differences. Unfortunately the single thought can escalate through a growing consensus of opinion, without analysing the real reason for the particular difference that sparked the debate, which becomes a feud and eventually a nation at war with foreign intruders or within its own borders. Indeed love is a word we tend to overlook when we take leave of our senses to follow the crowd baying for blood.

I have always dared to be different. It does me no good actually. But sometimes keeping your head when all around are losing theirs (apologies to Rudyard Kipling, and yes, pun intended) can be a very interesting exercise. For a more simpler example, when you have prepared for a difficult examination and all around you the questions and last minute discussions about what you should have studied are causing the level of panic to rise to a dangerous level after which you cannot remember anything you studied at all. Worse, when the exam is written all kinds of fear about failing sets in when you hear what answers others have given. Fortunately I always prepared well for my exams and the one percent inspiration and ninety nine perspiration always paid off. Turns out I would get a high mark and suddenly the worst case scenario didn't materialise after all. I kept my head!

When we are in a crowd, it is human nature to want to be part of the group. Notice how quickly a crowd of people will amass to hear one charismatic person talk. When one person is a legend as in the entertainment industry or even in a theological or spiritual sense, all sense of individuality disappears. It is cool to worship an idol on a mass scale. I am not criticising the concept because in the right circumstances it is great to feel as though we belong to one great human race, with love as the common theme.

Sadly in this country the true test of an elected group to act in a humane and compassionate manner because of the power they were entrusted with has failed to deliver. When the chips are down, we only have each other after all. Like the inn that was full, there is no real help forthcoming after the mass of support has dissipated into their own lives again. Long after promises are made and people base their vote of confidence on those promises, the truth seeps in. In a group, they are powerful, swept along by the strength in numbers. Break down the unity and there is no delivery. We are alone when misery steps in.

I weep for the homeless people freezing at the edge of the ocean, who played their last card in trying to find a safe passage to a land that would give them a life where they could live in peace and put down roots without being harassed and murdered because of being different. Their own countries are subjected to genocide. What can they do? They are at breaking point.

The United Nations cannot promise them a new home. The asylum seekers may only take refuge in one donor country. There are no more options. Go back home, or stay in a hostile country, where long term safety is not guaranteed. What's love got to do with it? Very little, and that is sad.

Just as a little boy challenged the Emperor's new suit of clothing, so political dissenters will step up to the podium and tell the truth at great risk to their personal safety. Somehow though, their love shows through in that they are prepared to risk being labelled a rabble rouser in order to expose the lies of those who will deceive with false promises.

I wish I could save the world, but sometimes the truth hurts. I am useless on my own. We each have to be sure about our love for one another and act on it when we see an injustice, whether in the playground or in the boardroom. We must choose our leaders based on facts and not because it is the popular thing to do. Love is easy when we do all things for all the right reasons. It may just start a new movement in the right direction after all. This world of ours needs all the love it can get.

I am so distressed with seeing broken bodies, starved of love and compassion, and worse beaten into submission for the ideals of meglomaniacs. Sociopaths are good at what they do. They are good looking and smart. Their words are well enunciated, and the tone is warm and encouraging. The men aspire to be them and women fall in love with them. They surround themselves with people who will do their bidding and their methods of keeping loyalty are covered up.

Why so deep today? Because I have found out the hard way that promises made by those in authority are usually empty. We may as well be listening to a recorded message. Remember to always have a plan that will work for you when disaster threatens. Save for the rainy day, work to earn your own living, live on the top of the hill and keep your own counsel. Surround yourself by those who love you and believe in yourself.

Love has everything to do with it and it all starts with a single thought:

"Purity of heart and mind is the basis of love."

We are all capable of so much more! Follow your heart, love from Eve

I wasn't sure how to word my blog topic today. We have had a terribly sad event in "Paradise" this week, a death of a child. Any parent who has suffered such a loss is tested beyond the capacity and endurance of love and what it means to be able to love when it hurts so much. When my husband and I decided to get married we met an elderly priest (now passed) who agreed to perform the ceremony. We attended his sermons on many a Sunday after that and were amazed at his depth of perception and wisdom about life and the chances we take on a daily basis. Indeed after every sermon his congregation would sit both in tears and yet buoyed up full of hope and love that everything is for a reason. On one particular Sunday he told the story of a family who had lost a precious child to illness. In their distraught state they questioned the love of God and if so why bad things could happen to make us wonder why life was even worth living. His reply was "to love is to hurt". It does not help to put ourselves into a box and shut off all emotions. We have to take a chance of love. There is no-one immune to pain and suffering and death is a fact of life. He reminded us that life is a daily challenge and love is what makes us get through the day. So many people lose out on life because they are afraid to take a chance on love. Life is happening as we speak, so enjoy every moment of it with people who can be loving and caring, and that teaspoon of sugar will make you feel infinitely better. I will be attending this young man's funeral on Tuesday. He was 12 years old, hardly you might say a young man, but in my eyes he earned the title because of his extreme bravery and the wonderful years he gave his family whilst growing up. I am hoping in the years to come his memory lives on as that is indeed a way of honouring his life.

On the flip side of this sad story there are two remaining young adult children in the bereaved family. I know that this particular family who are secure and loving will take strength from each other and remember to also honour the living. I often questioned why in years gone by the senior generation to mine seemed dour and unable to show emotion and a softer side. So often when on their deathbed they express their love for family members and ask for forgiveness for not displaying their true feelings of deep love for them when opportunities were there.

I watched a movie the other night that partly clarified why this happened. Before the advent of modern medicine, life expectancy was not much more than age 45. Mothers died in childbirth, children were orphaned and the mortality rate for children and teenagers was high. Indeed an outbreak of influenza spelled death to thousands. Nowadays the life expectancy has risen to 70+ and infant and childhood mortality has dropped considerably in Firstworld countries. So gloriously we can now express love towards our children, and live without the constant fear we may lose them to some unexpected epidemic or outbreak of a common disease that kept populations down in the past. The particular mother in the movie I was watching was accused by her grown-up daughter of not showing any emotions, of not wishing to be touched or hugged, and instead of being a good parent she was feared by her children. She explained that she never cried when her two youngest children died, and merely decided she would turn her numbness into strength. That meant no tears, and not showing any emotions. By shutting off that part of her, she forgot to love her living children. That strength was in fact a weakness, and over the growing years she became insensitive to those around her, believing she was a stronger person for dealing with life issues in a decisive and emotionless manner. Intense discipline can however become a tight knot in our stomachs and our hearts can turn to stone.

I have spoken to surviving siblings who vehemently stress that the child who had died seemed to take priority in the mind of the parents. Whilst honouring the dead child who suddenly became saintly, the living children stood in the shadow of his or her memories. Thus, if a favorite flower is picked, remember to take care of the remaining flowers. The garden needs nurturing to continue to blossom and grow. It cannot do so without love. Take a chance on love today and show your love to those that matter to you. Hug the child in all of us! Our loved ones who are taken from us prematurely are already in a another garden most lovingly prepared for us all one day.

And so dear friends, my thought for the day is this:

" TAKE A CHANCE ON LOVE - IT WILL REAP DIVIDENDS!"

Love from Eve in "Paradise"