We have serious issues in this family, perhaps heredity or maybe just through life experiences. We are all adult and I believe fairly well-adjusted. It seems sometimes however that it truly is a dog-eat-dog world. I will not elaborate because that is one lesson that cannot be taught, one has to experience it to know what I am talking about. For every action there is a further reaction. From our birth, we are intereacting with other people constantly and to survive we have to develop acceptable social norms. What I am trying to describe is how much we adapt to the situation we are currently in, and that does not necessarily mean we are reflecting our true personality and how we are inwardly perceiving life at that particular moment. We all are seeking fulfillment in our lives. That can be through our relationships with people, our lifestyle and our living conditions, in that order. If the relationships fail, the lifestyle is inopportune and our living conditions stifle our spirit, unhappiness follows. Or anti-social behaviour. I learned some terminology through my daughter's psychologist which explained why people behave badly and why we reacted by becoming introverted. I never encountered "bad" people until I started school. I was cocooned in a loving family, and my older brother and I were close. We shared things, played together and our world was full of make-believe and adventure. We teased one another and gave my mother a run for her money, but nothing too serious or devious. School was another story. I was constantly picked out for talking, when in fact I wanted to make friends and communicate about shared life experiences. I can remember being humiliated for being told I would get the prize for talking. When petty theft occurred between classmates, I began to get a whiff of life in the raw, and my defences began to wake up. Most of one's school life is spent hanging out with a crowd where you most fit in, and I used to collect the fringe people. I suppose I must have been one myself, in restrospect. I hate bullies, cheats and brash show offs. I stayed out of trouble once I learned to keep my mouth shut and conform. I became an observer of human behaviour...

But not until recently did I learn the name "sociopath" given to incorrigible people who lie to themselves and others whilst committing atrocities. They are usually clever, attractive and popular. They convince their partners, family and friends that they are above the law. They operate always within the law. Our personal encounter with one was enough to finish off our fragile interaction with the society we are living in, on the other side of "Paradise". Of course, foolish naievity made us perfect material for an opportunist. My son at his young age would calm us down with his practical observation about the curve balls life throw at us. He was sent to a remedial school from the age of eight and I thank God that he never became a target for bullies on his school bus. He seems to be untouchable and has in his quiet way made friends and sailed through many situations involving his schoolmates. My daughter was not so lucky and we were shocked that our quiet lives could be rocked with a scandal simply because she became a victim of an adult who should have known better. I have described all of this in previous blogs. What I learned from all of this, is that we are all still alive despite the ordeal and are grateful to have a second chance. My daughter is studying and is still on track to achieve her dreams.

We have become older and wiser. And in spite of everything we still have each other and a well adjusted outlook on life. How? Because we threw back the problem. By simply telling the story like it was, completely and truthfully, we got our lives back. If anyone should approach us and accuse us of anything they can read the book. I have had people telling me they could not put the book down, and it left them crying. I cringe because that was not the intention. It is actually a success story. The chapter is closed. The person who caused the trouble cannot hurt us, as we have moved on. And in doing so we have got our self-respect back. I watch useless court cases every day crunching to a futile halt, where the criminal is set free because of a lack of reasonable doubt. He then bites the law back in the tail by lodging a counter suit, usually for millions. We took a quieter stand, firm and resolute. Money would not change anything. We did not fuel the fire any further. We know in our hearts that justice will triumph eventually, even if it appears unattainable at present. We just try to stay as young and as involved as ever in our family and our working lives. I still talk too much, stand up for the underdog and analyse everything. I have discovered that the more chance you give to someone to tell their sad story, the more they relax and show a more human side to them. From a sad and drawn face, they open up and bloom. There is beauty in everything, and it starts with our own self-worth. Face value is a perception, and true beauty will surface given the right circumstances. As for the family, our positive synergy is excellent. A treasure beyond wealth.... take care, love from Eve

In marriage the secret to being happy is to let the significant other believe they are in control. Of course, control is not in anyone's mind when about to say "I do". Agreeing to share all of life's challenges together with the first anticipation of married life and a step into adulthood is thrilling. Life cannot ever be the same again. Actually life is the same, it's just that your parents and family have no say in the decisions you make from now on. When the door closes, two minds have to synchronise and unite. Budgeting, building a home and a family and understanding your life partner is a big job and commences from day one. If we had to look at the bigger picture, we would no doubt say "no ways, I'm not getting married". Why would anyone want to burst the newlyweds" bubble. Far from it. Encouragement is required because after all, life's problems shared are thus halved....

In theory. Unless the marriage itself becomes the problem. The wedding is a huge event, sometimes so that young women are in love with the concept of being a bride. It's a bit like childbirth - so busy concentrating on the baby being born unscathed that one forgets a baby is a miniature person, with all the foibles and idiosyncrasies of any person placed on this earth. A huge responsibility! Certainly not for the faint-hearted. Along comes the first week of marriage, first six months, first year, second year, five years, seven year itch. Many marriages break down at any of these vital stages of the journey of self-discovery and actually what was expected in the union. A marriage inolves two thinking feeling people constantly living in the presence of one another, for better or for worse. When I was alone and in my twenties, I had experienced what I believed to be love, and the discovery afterwards that I was in love with the illusion of love. The shopping list of requirements for a marriage partner may appear a bit clinical, but so then is the wedding gift registry, or the request for money in lieu of a gift at the wedding. I actually believe that weddings are overrated. So much money is poured into the celebration and expectations are raised. I believe a marriage should be celebrated on the tenth anniversary. Find a person you feel happy, comfortable and can be most affectionate with, one who is most like your family's background, religious beliefs and who speaks the same language. If he is too career-minded, mother-obsessed, self-centered or likes to be in control, you are better off alone. Test him out with the family, in a situation where you have little home comforts, when you are ill and need him to drop everything to come to your aid. Notice I have not mentioned the money he spends lavishly, or the car he drives or his ideas of a luxury holiday. I believe in the desert island test. If the two of you could imagine spending time alone on a desert island with nobody around for conversation could you survive one another. That is a marriage.

My hubby is kind and caring, and shares household responsibilites and chores but at times he lets the side down money wise. I have to be right beside him financially, even managing decisions that other men would take. It is frustrating, I would obviously like to be spoiled more. He does have a huge sense of humour and a kind heart. He will hold my hand when I am down. I will give him my last cent, and the remaining sweet from the packet. We both think about the other person first. So what is wrong with this? I think in all marriages we will see the flaws and wish for more. I love to read and write. I tend to analyse too much about everything. I worry about consequences, and social evils. I feel compassion for anyone who is hurt or lonely. We all have been there. Loneliness is the one thing I fear most. He is a talker, and happy go lucky. We do share a love of music and the outdoors. He can be in a world of his own sometimes and I can feel alone. Marriages need space to thrive, so this is not entirely bad. We are born alone and we die alone. The world fascinates me, sort of if there is more for me to experience. I make decisions, he waits for me to make them. This makes the marriage staid sometimes. But when I am unhappy with our struggles financially I am reminded that he loves our children, my father, the animals and most importantly me. He phones me at work ever day and I worry if he doesn't. We do share a good sense of humour. His late father used to say "first the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering". LOL. But he also advised us that a sense of humour was vital. Dear Dad, you are so right!!

And my better half would be the one person I would share a million with it we should ever be so lucky!! Guess I will then say after twenty four years "this will do, thank you" Wishing you love, Eve

Ah, another week closer to Easter. In my church we are observing Lent and soon the Easter week will be in full swing. Today is Palm Sunday. There have been so many awakenings over the past five years that it is difficult to know which way to turn with regards to religious beliefs. My church is full of history and you can sit quietly and feel the presence of people from days gone by. Isn't that enough, to be with those who went before us.... "be still and believe..." It is so comforting to get answers just sitting quielty and going with the flow. The message at Easter is about man's inhumanity to man and how one man could make a difference through his own personal sacrifice. So many have a problem with this, but it is a challenge to live up to after all.......

I love history and admire the great achievements and inventions that took place without computers. And then I wonder, without computers? Surely our brains are computers, and if we access our database, depending on our retrieval rate, we can remember trivial details and obscure information without flipping on the hard drive of our hands- on computer. Yep, it's all stored in our heads. And there are some amazingly clever folk out there who still rely on the sun for direction and for instructions. One day at a time, slowly building up an industry from scratch, building or farming or manufacturing. The weather patterns interfere with the grand schemes but man's ingenuity is fantastic. Today I was decluttering (I love that expression for clearing out junk) and I found a book on "A man's guide to being an electrician", first printed in 1913. We had a chuckle, and my son who is into all things electrical and IT, was amused at the old fashioned methods of using metal piping instead of modern day flex. The petrol generators of the day are not that different from today, in theory but of course in practise our generators are more modern. One day in the future my son will be showing his grandson pictures of a very ancient method of energy source from coal, when nuclear fusion has been taken over by something more energy efficient and again, how the new generation will chuckle at us? Hilarious? No, pretty amazing because we all have to start somewhere. If it wasn't for the wheel and the light bulb, we would probably still be riding horses and cooking with coal fires. How many lives have been lived toiling to dig coal out of the ground and now the coal mines are becoming redundant. The cleaner fuel source will require computer based technicians in white suits in laboratories to produce the energy, the new generation sitting playing computer games in their spare time are thinking up answers whilst connecting with cyberspace. Is it one computer talking to another? Is the pre-programmed DNA evolving? Did the space aliens drop in and leave some answers in a cave somewhere? How are we becoming so clever?????? So many questions, so few answers.....

Just lately books are appearing with new messages of inspiration, drop our egos and seek answers within ourselves. Is that our spirit self, or the personal computer waking up. Signs that were always there suddenly appear to have significance. Or are we just wanting to believe??? I am not sure, the subject is too deep for me. I only joined my church in order to seal our marriage vows. My children have grown up in a loving church community where everyone knows everyone else. We are one big family. We greet one another, share pain and grief and celebrate life together. My mother and brother are together in the little church yard, and I can visit them anytime. I have no ego to speak of, but I have riches beyond that. I know where I can come to and feel deep and abiding peace. Now I am looking at the title of my blog today and wondering what this has to do with computers. There is always a human element, even where computers are involved. No computer so far invented by man shows emotions. Is that missing link going to be re-programmed by an alien? Is it happening right now? Books are telling us to re-program our thinking, stop worrying about material things, to stop blaming ourselves for the terrible things that happen to us and our loved ones, and to live in the moment. That sounds like programming to me. I am alreadly programmed to be me, actually. I am an individual and my DNA is mine. I cannot drop the act, it is real. And because it is Easter there are rituals to follow.

But why are the chocolate bunnies always so cute. I can't eat them. And just like life around me, I am unable to change their fate. They will melt. Go with the flow, there is nothing new under the sun. And we can't change any of it. We can just be more respectful of one another's special qualities and leave it at that. Blessings and peace at this time of renewal and rebirth, love from Eve

Since I could count, my favorite number was five. It was the month of my birth, and the number of immediate family members, my mother and father and two brothers, one older and one younger. I was the middle of this equation. Five is such an important number, as is the number 7. And on Friday I read on one of the Boards about the significance of 11:11. I'll explain all soon. But what I wanted to say first is that my late mother was a spiritual person. When she passed five years ago, everything happened around the number three. She died on the 3rd January 2003. I cannot remember all the 3's that came up, but whenever we experienced problems, 3, and 33 seemed to crop up. When my daughter revealed her abuse the three's were there too. Well, apart from that I never experienced any mind jolting experiences that my mother was around us spiritually. Except that the holiday house my father bought and where we put all her precious possessions as a homage to her, was transferred into my father's name on what would have been her 73rd birthday. Ah, a sign we were doing the right thing. Life is like that. We seek approval all the time. That is what I missed most with my mother. When my daughter was in so much trouble, I deeply missed my mother to talk to. But then 11:11 began appearing. Clocks in the house, computer and cell-phone. I thought it was a kind of a "Harry Potter" experience. My brother spent a couple of years going off the rails emotionally, he missed my mother too. His marriage was unstable, but typical of a man, he could not or simply would not consult his immediate family for advice and help. Eventually he cracked under the strain, and had a very bad episode in which, whilst in my mother's holiday house, with his family, he had a fall-out with my sister-in-law. We are a respectable family and the entire incident was a huge trauma, she called the security company who was monitoring the houses in the area and had him arrested for his extremely uncharacteristic behaviour. (to us, anyway. They spent 22 years in an unhappy marriage). He did not hit her but had certainly wanted to. We drove there the next day, only to find he had returned to the house on foot after walking about ten kilometres, in rain, in sandals and without a jersey or a meal since probably two days before. He drove home alone. He was ashamed of his behaviour and we never told him we knew what had happened. The wife called him an abuser, but I knew he was desperate as he was not being well-nourished and certainly was unloved. The entire drama was played out in a house we had put together as a tribute to my mother. Well, if she was in fact there in spirit, he must have been showing her how he felt about life. Six months later after being in his own house as an unwelcome guest, he took his life. You can imagine the effect this all had on the family. First the passing of my mother, and three years later my younger brother followed her. The holiday house was very under utilised after that. The entire idea of being a loving family was squashed. My father is living with us and I do my best to keep us all cheerful. We can sit and analyse "why" but as our priest said, it was my brother's will. And he is with my mother in the same beautiful peace garden, where he is at rest. On Friday I was reading the Boards and saw the postings about 11:11. I thought strange, I get those sightings. And then on Saturday we were at the same Church preparing for a huge annual fund-raiser which attracts quite a couple of thousand people. I decided to move the car and go home because of the traffic congestion. As I stood on the roadside, my surviving older brother and his wife drove past. Here's the feeling: in one part of a second, my late mother and brother were behind me in the garden, my father and husband were in the rectory and my older brother was in front of me. All five of the family united even for a split second. In the Universe, time is relative. Yep, this was all my relatives, together. I felt it so strongly. What a fantastic moment, we were still a family after all. And later in the day, my father told me the rest of the puzzle: as he stood in the dining room where the guild ladies were serving up the teas, one of the ladies gasped - she said she did not know if she should say anything, but she said she just saw my mother standing next to my father. Five years.... and such a stong presence! My mother was so fond of the ladies and they missed her a lot. She was an organising sort, and I was not surprised that she was there after all! The house has just been sold, and here was the sign she was still with us, no matter what. As for the 11:11, my birthday 29:56 adds up to 11:11. Perhaps she was talking to me all the time. If you see these numbers, be at peace, for they are a sign the angels are communicating with us. Believe......love from Eve, in the "Garden".