Seeing The Past

-flashback to my 20’s, it’s not me today

I went to a concert over the weekend to see Credence Clearwater Revival, or what’s left of the group. The music was great, it really was good old rock and roll, but the feelings were funny!

There was a lot of gray hair in the crowd, including my gray hair. When some of the great old chart toppers were played, there were a number of people up and trying to move like they did in the “70’s. Much of it was not a pretty sight.

I did not get a charge out of watching 60+ years’ olds on stage. They do not look particularly becoming with tattoos, but then that’s my taste. They could still play, and they could still sing, but it’s not how it was 40 years ago. Things change.

When CCR was the world’s best selling band, I was in a whole different lifestyle, and I certainly remembered that during the concert. As well, I felt grateful that the lifestyle, by choice and with help, not because of age, has changed.

In CCR days I was building a career, starting a family, and developing the exterior person who acted on the business stage.

I was active in addiction and lifestyle issues that I’m not proud of. I was living the life of a double agent, and I wasn’t James Bond! These thoughts came through my head during the concert, and watching the older folks trying to be young again gave me a feeling of gratitude.

Things have changed dramatically in my life, particularly in the self-esteem and spiritual areas. The past is just that, and I will not ever try to recapture it by going to “oldies” concerts. I love living in the day I have today, and with the elements and people that are part of my life today.

Over the weekend, I had a chance to talk with friends about the concert. I wonder if it is seeing myself getting older that is having an impact, even though I think I’m comfortable being 60. While there was an energy and a recuperative power in my 20’s, there are so many positives today, not because of age (despite it actually) but because of the journey of life recovery.

Friday night at the concert was a flash back to the past. I saw it, enjoyed the music and the company of who I was with, but realize, I can’t, and don’t want to, relive the past.

Contemporary concerts going forward, oldies in recorded form!

This thinking is likely not for every one, CCR concerts will still be packed, but it makes sense to me. I saw the past, and want to live in today!

Are You A Good Listener?

-it is a learned skill

I was a school day yesterday amongst other things. Thursday is a day I continue to take to focus on my own personal development.

Our lecture yesterday was on listening, a part of the core skills that are essential to coaching.

While going through the lecture, I was reminded, listening is an art, something learned through practice, and something I have a lot of room to improve. The focus has to be beyond what we’re listening to; it has to include what we’re listening for. Good listening is a gift.

I’ve been involved in mentoring and coaching for many years, and have always tried to be a good listener. I am aware that many times, while someone else was talking, I had a thought in my head that I was just waiting to get out, and I know now that that causes a defocus on listening to the other person.

In my chosen career, and in the service work I do, the better a listener I become, the better I am at doing my share, and my role should be “limited” in the talking I do.

During our lecture, listening was broken down into four levels-cosmetic, conversational, active and deep. These levels go from cosmetic (appear to listen, but somewhere else) to deep (more focused on you than me, hear who you are). Obviously in coaching and mentoring we want to be “deep” listeners. As stated, this is a learned skill, one am working on through exercises.

In reviewing my lecture notes, and reflecting upon them, there is a shocking truth that comes out.

One of the big things I felt in life, at least to well into my 40’s, was that frequently no one really listened to me. On the reverse, I could relate to cosmetic and conversational listening. I know I cared deeply enough to “actively” listen in some situations (but not when the situation was negatively directed at me) and had moments where I listened deeply, but far too few. Can others relate?

It sort of a sad statement that there are so many in this world who need to be heard on a far deeper level than occurs daily. How many of us walk around saying “doesn’t anyone ever listen, doesn’t anyone hear what I’m saying?’. As noted earlier, we all need someone who knows what to listen for, who listens beyond the surface.

Look around at the various occupations that have evolved where the principle role of the trained professional is to listen. Look into your own life and the lives of those you are close to. How many have a place where they are truly heard, yet it is essential that each of us be heard.

I think the topic of listening and active practice is something that should be taught in a formal sense at a fairly early stage in life. Listening, as I’ve learned over the years through people I’ve had as professionals and close associates in my life, is truly a gift. I’ve also learned that it is a gift that can be gained through being aware and practicing skill drills. I’m committed to life long improvement as a listener.

So some food for thought, upon reflection, are you a good listener? Who are the great listeners in your life?

Do You Understand Coaching and The Benefits To You?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->- <!--[endif]-->A review for me too, and why I know it’s my life purpose.

Man, life has been busy and with the different holidays, a little confused over the last few weeks. Days go by, and I wonder where time goes, and sometimes I am guilty of losing focus.

Tuesday was school day, and what a great lecture it was. It was a good reminder to me why I elected to “coach” for a living as opposed to other options, and what the fundamentals of coaching are.

There are 7 principles the coaching profession, in one form or another adheres to.

1. Maintain a commitment to SUPPORT the client.
2. Build the coaching relationship on truth, openness and trust.
3. The client is responsible for the results they are generating.
4. The client is capable of much better results than they are currently getting.
5. Focus on what the client thinks and experiences.
6. Clients can generate their own perfect solutions.
7. The coaching conversations are based on equality.

When coaching, an ideal session involves the client speaking about 80% of the time, it’s all about them. The coach inputs when the client gives permission, and the coach accepts the client for who they are and does not judge!

Traditional therapy, as was noted my an esteemed doctor therapist who is part of my class, is moving more and more to this model, and I think it is good learning for people involved in 12 step programs. We can find the solutions if properly directed.

I understand today why my higher power stopped me from doing what I wanted to do in the early stages of recovering my life. I was so happy with my own success; I wanted to “fix” the world. For those who have tried to “fix” me, I know they found it futile. As I practice my profession today, I must remember this. I can’t fix.

Much of my coaching is based on the 12 step program, and for those who are horrified and not aware, the 12 step program was based on the teachings of the Oxford Group who based their stuff on who knows what. Go back far enough; it all comes from the same source.

With a lot of help, and much of it from professionals, I was guided to find a way of life that was mentally hygienic, taught me balance, and has lead to a richness of life I could not believe could happen to me. Support and not being judged were keys. I had the answers within, I just had to discover them and be directed. In finding them, I can live them and own them.

I am thankful that I was able to discover a purpose for my life, and that through coaching; I have the joy of watching lives transform. I have watched many do major turn a rounds, not just in living free from addictions, but in regaining self-esteem, finding a spiritual reality, building richer relationships, and yes, even some getting career progress and the material trappings that go with it. No one said that we had to be poor; I do know principles must come before material things. They can exist together!

Today was a day of growth. Not only did I attend lecture and work with a couple of clients, I was the guest on a Blog Talk Radio show hosted by Gary Glasscock and focused on spirituality. It was fun, and we talked to the role spirituality (not religion) has in recovering and abundant life full of daily hope and serenity. Feel free to look up the venue and listen. You’ll love Gary’s drawl!!

There are challenges to face later, but a good day to get my focus back on my chosen direction!

Hopefully, not only for me, but for you, coaching is better understood. Look at what you spend on “stuff”. How much do you invest in finding a life you love??

Carrying The Message-Do We?

-to keep what is given, you must be of service to others

Funny, I wrote a blog for today earlier, and for some reason, lost it within my computer! We are nearing the finish line in this review of the steps/footprints, and today I look at “the ask” that we carry the message. Before I go on, let me qualify!

The journal I do is my own take on things, is an open sharing of what is in my head at the time of writing, and is not intended to be a sharing by a guru, just a sharing by one of the “we”. A great benefit for me from this sharing is that I’ve had some insightful and thoughtful input/feedback and learned from the sharing of others. The feed back and honest sharing is appreciated, it is carrying the message!!

Since I have been in a position to carry the message, and that was really when I’d completed the steps/footprints to the best of my ability, I have tried to be a part of the “we” who are responsible for carrying the message. This is a form of “service” work within 12 step groups, and work that I am grateful to do. This area of my life is entirely on a give back basis, and I try, within my fellowship, to never say no to anything that is asked of me.

For years, and well before a spiritual awakening and the beginning of a recovery of life journey, I had the opportunity to help others in both the corporate and private arenas. That after corporate life I went into business consulting and NPO management services was not by chance. I love being a part of the success of others and cherish the successes people and projects I’ve had the opportunity to work with have had.

In life, not only was I blessed with a tremendous corporate career at a young age, but with a great family, good friends, consulting challenges, both private sector and NPO board experience, mentoring of people new to our country and many other opportunities. Many happened when I was active with addictions in my life.

I have always used coaches and mentors. The use of outside professionals has always been something I strongly believe in, and I have had the breakthroughs to validate internally my decisions to welcome outside help.

Many years ago, even with the apparent outside trappings of success, I knew I had to recover my life. I needed to live free from addictions and their effect, to regain my own internal self-esteem, to figure out my purpose in life. This journey has been possible because of the help of a great number of people, both “outside” professionals (including 2 coaches, doctor, psychiatrist and councilors) and within my fellowship, the help of many who were carrying their message of recovery. I am truly blessed these people came in to my life. I still use the services of a personal coach today, and have the benefit of an association with several highly skilled coaches. My “program” friends are an anchor.

I have, since the journey of life recovery began, had a message to carry about my own experiences and the transformation that happened in my life. After completing a treatment centre program, I wanted to go into “rehab” counseling and save the world. I was cautioned by many of the “professionals” I worked with that this was very common among those who have just “drunk the Kool-Aide” of recovery for the first time. It was suggested to see how long the thought lasted! I was told to reflect long and hard before acting on this thought.

During my recovery period, the thought never left me. I worked with a career coach, a real pro, about five years ago. Testing showed that my true calling was to be of service to others, and I found something that allowed me to service a community sector for a period of time. My desire to effect change outstripped the practical and I was given an opportunity to re-evaluate.

Through the help of “professionals”, going back to school, through prayer and meditation and other factors, I woke up to my life’s purpose, and have the joy of still being very active in volunteer “service” in my fellowship, but also, on a professional basis, coaching others both locally and globally on “life” issues, helping others to quantify and identify their own goals and dreams, and to use the gifts they have been given to achieve and find abundance and purpose in life. I continue to work with others in helping them find a life less impacted by addictions with a true spiritual base. I understand my life’s purpose.

Daily, both as a volunteer and through my professional practice, I get to carry the message to others. As it relates to people who have the same primary addiction I have, I do, in my own way, look for opportunities to be of service.

To all who are interested, I try to carry the message of the benefits of good mental hygiene, life abundance, spiritual awakening and releasing the power of “YOU” through coaching. I am thankful that I have been able to help clients.

I am blessed and grateful daily!

Are you carrying the message that you have? If you don’t use it, you can quickly lose it.

Awake Spiritually? Done the Work-You will Be!

Happy Independence Day to my American friends. Enjoy!!

Even journaling today in red, white and blue.

I love going through the steps and doing a review. I have done a written review for myself on many occasions, and this is the first time I’ve been through the steps where my journal is public. A way to be more accountable and transparent, and hopefully some of what I have shared has helped others. I try to be simple.

The final step is in several parts. As I complete this part of the journey again, I’ll spend a couple of sessions on the final step.

Of huge importance, I was promised a spiritual awakening as a result of doing the step work.

What was I to expect? Burning bushes?

I was fortunate that I had had some very meaningful and deep spiritual experiences over early recovery. The changes in me were a miracle, and re-establishing contact with a higher power within and outside of me was incredible.

What I understand today was the concept of “spiritual awakening” as it applies to my life.

I have worked the steps to the best of my ability. I found out who I was and found love for myself again. I had squared up with a lot of the wreckage I had created through self-centered, dishonest living filled with fears and resentments. I had learned new and healthier principles. Hope and serenity were once again a part of life. Things were brighter and clearer.

I had undergone a profound personality change, and the change was for the better.

I had started the recovery of life journey spiritually bankrupt and in denial of any higher power that had significant meaning and purpose in my life.

At this juncture of my journey (with steps almost done), I loved the conscious contact I had with a higher power who I knew was with me. I had really started a relationship that made me spiritually rich, and gave me hope and serenity back in my life. I accepted help from my higher power and people that were put in my life. New Behavior!!

The proof of the reality of the change is time. I have been free from the cravings for my mood altering behaviors for an extended period of time. I live life on the terms that are there, I play the cards I’m dealt. I truly enjoy living and helping others undergo transformation in their lives. The awakening was not a flash in the pan; it has remained with me each day for many years.

So to me, a “spiritual awakening” is simple to put into words, and wonderful to experience. Simply put, it’s a whole new attitude and outlook towards life, a new way of living that is better than I had ever expected. I am awake spiritually, and this is a life after I had had spiritual death!

For those who do the work and do it thoroughly, there is a promise. You will experience a spiritual awakening. Have you experienced it, or are you interested in waking up spiritually??

I offer help based on personal experience.

Prayer and Meditation. MEDITATION?

--not just something bearded guys do on Asian mountains

As I went through the steps, this meditation thing might have been the item I misunderstood most. I had been exposed to prayer since I was a little guy.

I am surprised in my coaching, when clients and I talk about meditation, how little is really understood.

Those that know me are aware that I like to keep things simple, simplicity is a challenge for complicated people, and I spent many years making living as complicated in my head as I could.

I do not profess to be an expert on meditation; I do try to practice it every day. I have studied simple meditation and have been involved in seminars on the practice. I have had the privilege of working with a coach in England that, over the phone, has lead me to a deeper meditative state than I had ever enjoyed, and had taught me how to “trigger” to a place of peace almost instantly incorporating some visualization. But I digress.

As I got to this stage in my journey, I had established, on an increasing basis, a conscious contact with a higher power. That higher power was evolving in what it was exactly in my mind, but I liked the relationship and was thrilled to have it increase in depth and richness.

To have it continue, I was told to both pray and meditate on a daily basis. As noted, I was comfortable about the praying part; my ego did not want to readily admit that meditation was something new to me.

I asked a person who lived a simple, but effective program, what this meditation thing was all about.

The answer I got was simple, and to this day works for me.

“In prayer we talk to god, in meditation we listen”. What a novel concept, to listen, something I was not particularly skilled in.

I did some basic reading and took some seminars on meditation. What I learned was that I had to be able to take quiet time and shut down the “noise” in my head. To bring my conscious thinking of most worldly activities to arrest for a period of time. I’m not sure I’d ever tried to do that. I will also say, to get to a point were I was able to do it took time and effort. It was new behavior.

Today, I try to spend at least 15 minutes a day in quiet meditation. I can get to a point where I can just be, the racing of thoughts and ideas at a virtual standstill in my conscious state. There is serenity and a sense of well being that I feel in these moments.

Also through being coached and practicing, I can use a small physical trigger, in moments when life is rushing too quickly, to take myself briefly to a calm place.

And what’s in this behavior for me? What’s the payoff?

I am constantly amazed how after meditation, I can see situations far more clearly. Things I had not considered are revealed to me. It is an intuition, a genuine gift that comes through conscious contact. A gift given through listening.

I am sure there are thousands around who can give meditation options. I know there are deeply spiritual people who meditate for days on end high in mountains, and I’m sure having a very deep connection.

I was taught to improve my conscious contact with my higher power though prayer and meditation.

Meditation was new behavior for me. I learned to meditate and incorporate meditation, in a form that works for me, into my daily life.

Through the practice of prayer and that misunderstood meditation, my conscious contact with my higher power improves on a regular basis, and for that I am grateful.

MEDITATION? Yes, a part of daily living.