Made A Mistake? Can You Admit it?
-looking at yourself daily
I’d put in a lot of hard work by the time I got through making amends.
I had had a major change in my attitude towards life by this point. Positive things were starting to happen. My self-esteem was returning. I was sleeping better at night and staying out of my own way on a more frequent basis. As a good friend of mine says, by the time I got here and was practicing what I had learned, I “had drunk the Kool Aide” and did not want to go back! Life was better.
The final parts of the steps, the actions I coach as new life “footprints”, were for the prevention of regression. They would allow me to stay healthy in my head.
The major inventory I had done earlier, using a very thorough written guide, had helped me to dig deep into the corners of my past. I had uncovered much that was hidden and forgotten, got it out, and dealt with it.
Part of the process was painful. I did not want to repeat it.
I had come to find a higher power which I understood and whose presence I could feel. I was learning to trust this higher power and stay in touch on an increasing basis. I could feel the change and many around me commented on it. Something about me was different.
I was not thinking of my addictions on a regular basis, the urge to indulge them was gone.
I began to review my actions every day. When I was involved in conflict or inner turmoil, I took the time to understand why. Perfection had not come, and I continued to make mistakes on the journey.
Sometimes I had heated words with others, particularly my wife. I freely admit that for me, the first year of recovery was a roller coaster, not a constant pink cloud!!
Something new in me, in my daily review of what had transpired, when I saw I had acted wrongly, I admitted it and tried to clean it up immediately. In some of the heated discussions, the words I had said I meant, but the way I had said them had been improper. For the tone or language I used, I took responsibility and apologized where appropriate.
This was definitely new behavior, and continues to this day!
Each day I get a little better at it, and I tend to make less “living” mistakes than I did. My addictions have not been active for thousands of days and I am grateful daily. I take responsibility for my behavior.
I am recovered from my addictions, but continue to recover on a daily basis! Even this morning I apologized for something that I said that was taken out of context, but riled a golf partner. Doing this closed a small wound someone felt.
The garbage is no longer accumulating, and life is brighter!!
A sign of growth. When I make a mistake, I admit it and put it behind. Could this behavior benefit you?
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yes, I read your post and that was just about how things went for me... Everyone says dont go in the past, but going in the past was eactly what I needed in order to bring suppressed feeling up and release them... not only that, but going in the past helped me see where my negative thoughts were coming from.. of course, going in the past with the intention of letting it go and just dwelling on it, are two different things....It wasnt easy and still not easy, but I can definitely see some improvements...I have arrived, but still got a long way to go.. heheh Good luck