Made A Mistake? Can You Admit it?

-looking at yourself daily

I’d put in a lot of hard work by the time I got through making amends.

I had had a major change in my attitude towards life by this point. Positive things were starting to happen. My self-esteem was returning. I was sleeping better at night and staying out of my own way on a more frequent basis. As a good friend of mine says, by the time I got here and was practicing what I had learned, I “had drunk the Kool Aide” and did not want to go back! Life was better.

The final parts of the steps, the actions I coach as new life “footprints”, were for the prevention of regression. They would allow me to stay healthy in my head.

The major inventory I had done earlier, using a very thorough written guide, had helped me to dig deep into the corners of my past. I had uncovered much that was hidden and forgotten, got it out, and dealt with it.

Part of the process was painful. I did not want to repeat it.

I had come to find a higher power which I understood and whose presence I could feel. I was learning to trust this higher power and stay in touch on an increasing basis. I could feel the change and many around me commented on it. Something about me was different.

I was not thinking of my addictions on a regular basis, the urge to indulge them was gone.

I began to review my actions every day. When I was involved in conflict or inner turmoil, I took the time to understand why. Perfection had not come, and I continued to make mistakes on the journey.

Sometimes I had heated words with others, particularly my wife. I freely admit that for me, the first year of recovery was a roller coaster, not a constant pink cloud!!

Something new in me, in my daily review of what had transpired, when I saw I had acted wrongly, I admitted it and tried to clean it up immediately. In some of the heated discussions, the words I had said I meant, but the way I had said them had been improper. For the tone or language I used, I took responsibility and apologized where appropriate.

This was definitely new behavior, and continues to this day!

Each day I get a little better at it, and I tend to make less “living” mistakes than I did. My addictions have not been active for thousands of days and I am grateful daily. I take responsibility for my behavior.

I am recovered from my addictions, but continue to recover on a daily basis! Even this morning I apologized for something that I said that was taken out of context, but riled a golf partner. Doing this closed a small wound someone felt.

The garbage is no longer accumulating, and life is brighter!!

A sign of growth. When I make a mistake, I admit it and put it behind. Could this behavior benefit you?

Free Rent In Your Head?

Resentments can kill

As we look at making amends, I was reminded again today about resentments.

If I’m ever going to return to my old ways of dealing with the less pleasant side of life, it will likely be due to a resentment that I allow to remain unresolved. If my head is an apartment building, resentments could be like a destructive tenant who dwells there without paying rent.

In doing my inventory, I found a few incidents of resents that I had carried for a long time. Not only were they directed towards people, but some lingering ones were carried against a church and school! Hard to believe I let them linger and fester so long. In a way, my resentment with a church allowed me to go spiritually bankrupt.

There were, are and will be people and things that do me wrong. I have to deal with them at the time. I have a fault at times at trusting too much, and in the wrong people. To put it bluntly, there are times I have had my teeth kicked in for this. There are people who have deliberately set out to do me harm. Over the last few years, I have learned to feel sympathy for them.

I remember when, and don’t want to go back to, a time where I would carry grudges and plan, and sometimes carry out, retribution. I was obsessed at times about squaring things up, it kept me awake, made me miserable and was definitely a sign of some insanity in my mind; certainly not good mental hygiene!

In remembering when, I can feel sympathy for those carrying the burdens I used to allow myself to carry!

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a turn the other cheek and get slapped again. I am assertive where assertion is needed, and do respect myself. In not carrying resentments, that does not say I wish the person and overabundance of good luck.

When I turn things over, the incident and person does not waste the valuable time and space in my head. They are evicted, and no rent is due.

In making amends, and doing my list, there were people on the list that had done me some bad turns, and still it was important that they be on my list and I do what had to be done.

For my journey was for a better life for me, a life with hope and serenity, a life with abundance and happiness and free from mood altering addictions.

Resentments are likely the most hazardous feelings we can carry inside of us. I know that. Have you got any lingering resentments living rent free in your head?

If so, get them down on paper as a start point!

So I’ve Got A List. Willing??/Addiction Recovery/Life Balance

So I had a list of people I had harmed. Some of them were jerks. I am not willing right now to make amends. They did me more harm than I did them and some of them really deserved all that I did.

I felt these feelings towards some on my list back then, and certainly was not WILLING to make amends to a few. This included an ex-wife who I was really pissed at over things that had happened when and after we split. I was indignant about some of her actions.

Even recently, I have had things come up which I felt were really not my fault, but today, willingness comes much easier. Today I am responsible for my own role in situations, and usually when things hit the fan, I’ve had my little hand in there some where.

There were several on my list that I was willing to make amends to. No qualms about it, I had been wrong, and had carried guilt and/or shame about things for a long time. With these folks, it was easy to take the next step and make a footprint for myself.

I reflected long and hard on the few people where willingness was an issue. I certainly discussed specifics with my coaching team.

Why had their names appeared on my list?

Obviously, there was garbage I was carrying around about them. Through conversations, prayer and meditation, and knowing I wanted to get rid of my internal garbage, I became reluctantly and selfishly willing; but willing just the same.

This action piece was far more difficult than I imagined, and it was only making a list and becoming willing to make amends for my actions. I also feared a few situations I knew that were coming at the next stage!

So I made a list, and eventually became willing. For those of you who are on your own journey, or have been through this phase in reclaiming your life, you’ll be able to relate easily to what I’m saying.

For those who want a new and more abundant life with renewed hope and serenity daily, and are trudging this road to happy destiny, you find your own stuck points here. That so and so! Me, willing? But you will become so.

Ready For More Steps/Footprints?

I can get off track with the best of them! I was rolling along on a step review which I like to do annually, and ensuring the “footprints” I use in my practice are in sync with what must happen to live a quality life.

Life got in the way.

In the review, we had talked about inventory, sharing inventory and being ready to have our personal higher power remove our shortcomings.

The next step is to HUMBLY ask our higher power to remove our shortcomings.

Seems very simple, yet this is an action I have to take every day.

I understood humiliation. Over the years, some of the truly dumb things I had done had humiliated me and those close to me. Humiliation comes out of an ego response to doing embarrassing and unacceptable things.

Being humble is very different. Humble is acting without ego and without ulterior motives, and accepting with grace compliments and other good things. A litmus test for me was compliments. I could not accept them with a simple thank-you. I was not humble enough.

In my inventory step I became aware of the good in me, and learned to be thankful for it. I also clearly identified what is called “my defects of character”. I have learned over the years these defects are as much a part of me as my good qualities. They have not gone away on the journey to a bigger life, they lurk within.

That being said, and at a point where I had enough humility to ask, I asked my higher power to remove my defects. It was not puff, I asked, they were gone.

So I ask in prayer every day, humbly, to have my defects removed.

Sometimes, on a given day, they do not overtly raise their ugly heads.

Other days they do show themselves.

What I do know, my worst days today are better than my best days in years gone by. My defects of character, when they jump out, are not as destructive as they once were, and in being aware of them, they are caught while in action or shortly thereafter! Daily, I ask for them to be removed, and I constantly remain ready to have them gone!

Seems like a very simple thing to do on the surface; ask for something to be removed.

Getting to a point of humility was not easy, and realizing I must ask daily because those defects still are around; this is a daily task I’m prepared to do for the rest of my life.

While I did say my prayers this morning, just reflecting on this action step/footprint is a great reminder!

Do you ask regularly and with humility to have your defects removed? It’s a part of the journey to an abundant and bigger life!!

Are You a Cowboy or Indian? Cop or Robber?

When ever I go to a meeting and keep my ears open, I hear good and memorable stuff that make me remember and keep me humble.

I’m sure it’s not politically correct to talk about indigenous people as “Indians”, but fact of the matter, when I was a kid, we played cowboys and Indians. If it sounds better, then call it cops and robbers.

I heard someone today say that as a young person, he always played a cowboy but really knew inside he was an Indian.

Man, can I relate.

The next generation I think called it L-O-S-E-R.

No matter the handle, I grew up always feeling inside that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t belong. I always wanted to be the hero, but never cut it in my own head.

Through a great journey full of great people-mentors, coaches, family, friends and groups- I transformed into a cowboy that I respect.

I have the pleasure of working with people both locally and on a global basis and watch them, through the unleashing of the power within them, turn into cowboys-whether it is in dealing with addictions, setting and reaching goals, building relationships or finding life purpose and awakening spiritually. It’s great to be able to finally live your dream, and know you are doing what you were meant to do.

So are you ready to be a cowboy, the true and great person you were really intended to be?

Take that first step and allow yourself a big life!<!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"/> </v:formulas> <v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"/> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style='width:392.25pt; height:399.75pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Keith\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.jpg" o:title="popeye sm copy"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->

Do You Understand Detachment?

I’m off at 6 in the morning for golf, so an early blog!

For years, I have heard about detachment, often loving detachment. As the child of an alcoholic who went on to be a practicing addict in several areas, it is not a term I understood, particularly with the word loving and detachment used together.

I saw the following, and it struck a chord!

Today I will practice detachment by letting go of things. I can't control.

Detachment means standing back and looking at a situation without having a hand in it. Watching fireworks is practicing detachment. Flying a kite is not. Allowing friends the freedom to have their own opinions is practicing detachment. Feeling compelled to change their minds is not. Watching a child create her own drawing is practicing detachment. Holding her hand while she draws is not. I can't control other people, their actions, or their beliefs by forcing them to act or believe as I do. Detachment helps me see the big picture, since I can see things more clearly from a distance. Today, and from now on, I will practice taking care of myself by detaching from people or situations that aren't good for me. {font:Arial}Today I will pay close attention to when I am trying to force the issue, and I'll remember that my time would be better spent leaving it alone.

{font:Arial}Now I better understand!

In my journey to a more abundant big life, I have learned much about detaching, the world runs just fine with me as an observer, and this is particularly true of those I live the most. In finding me and liking what I’ve become, it is much easier to let go of things!

One of the things my higher power helps me with every day. A benefit from the coaches I have had!!