Age-Taking Things Away?

-feelings after Indiana Jones

Last night, we went and saw the new Indiana Jones movie. I remember the original very well, the special effects were incredible and the story had me at the edge of my seat. I loved it.

While the flick I saw last night had great special effects and some spectacular location shoots, I found it more humorous than edge of the seat. It was a good night out and this weekend has been a great break from mainstream life and we were blessed with spectacular weather. I even won a match play golf match today against a young bomber, and was happy to win! But one thought struck me from the movie.

The old buddy of Indiana looked at Jones and said something to the affect, “We’re at an age now where more things are being taken from use than given”. I had no trouble understanding the literal meaning of what was said, and for some reason the comment resonated within me.

From a practical standpoint, I have hair that is graying, friends who get ill more often, any number who have been afflicted with cancer, a mother with dementia and I read the obits for a reason. Haven’t seen my own in there yet, and I’m glad of that. From the obvious standpoint of day to day living, I guess the statement is true.

Yet it stayed with me; that thought; and did not feel right.

The biggest joy for me was to awaken spiritually, get life into balance, grow up, and develop a rich spiritual life. This has all occurred for me well into mid-life and on.

I really noticed on the golf course today, I have an ability to laugh and enjoy the moment more than at any time in my life. I have tremendous friendship with depth, a peace in quiet moments, a deeper more fulfilling relationship with those that I am closest to than ever. And it seems to get better on an ongoing basis. I like the moment and who I have become.

My spiritual fullness is at an all time high. My higher power has put me in a position where I can be of meaningful service to others at a level that is beyond the past. I am meeting and working with people globally and working on a myriad of “living” issues and making a difference in the lives of others. This is a gift that spiritual awakening has allowed to happen, and conscious contact on a daily basis with my higher power allows me to be a conduit. It truly has been a remarkable period in my life.

I understand well the draw backs that come with age, and know in the game of life, I’m well into the “back nine”, yet I am given more today than at any period of my life. While I fail to see on a physical base any benefits of getting older, on a spiritual level the “gets” far outweigh the “taken aways”! Age has nothing to do with this. There are people much younger than I getting the same spiritual growth, freedom from addictions, and hope and serenity that I am gaining. They woke up to the opportunities that are there much earlier than I, and I hope more and more find abundance in life at an age earlier than I. Your bottom is where you chose it to be, and I wish on no one the lows that I found.

That being said, and reflecting on the most memorable moment to me of last nights movie, I am at an age and stage of life where more is being given, and of greater value, than is being taken away; and for that I am eternally grateful.

For those looking for a richer, more abundant life, allow yourself the opportunity to grow. Have the courage to invest in yourself, set goals, and let the good within you direct your life. There is more to be given than taken away!! Have the fortitude to be the best you can be.

Tomorrow, I’m going back to the completion of the steps/footprints. House cleaning will then be complete. I will be compiling the journey through the steps for my own review, and will give it away to others as an e-book through my website.

Do You Limit Your Ask?

-many ask for “things”

I thought about and journal about the need for prayer and meditation yesterday. Meditation is a listening skill.

I was familiar with prayer. As a child, I learned to pray in Sunday school and even in real school. We said grace before meals, and the like.

As my life became more confused, and addictions and other behavior took over, I prayed much less and when I did, there was a lot of asking for “stuff” or plea bargaining.

Plea bargaining took forms like “God, if you get me off this time and/or get me through this one and/or give me this, then I’ll never do that and/or ask for that again.” I’d bet I’m not the only one who is familiar with this type of prayer.

What I was taught and try to practice daily is to ask for only two simple things, for knowledge (and sometimes this comes in meditation) for my higher power’s will for me, and the internal power to carry it out. My higher power expects me to do the right thing, and that is not always what my self-will tells me to do. Often HP’s will requires power to carry through, and sometimes, I exercise the free will my trusting higher power has given me, and it is not infrequent when I do this I pay a consequence.

Funny how that works!

To maintain the progress I’ve made, I must insure that humility and service to others is a part of my life. I must remain conscious that my defects of character remain just below the surface, and that I am not “cured” of my addictions. If I keep conscious contact on a daily basis, I get a daily reprieve, and that is truly good enough for me.

If things remain in balance, I ask my HP for the same thing on a daily basis, knowledge of will and strength to do it! Often, I take the time to express gratitude for the blessings I have received, and do not ask for more. I seem to get what I need when I need it!

So in prayer, I have really focused on limiting what I ask for. There truly is a power greater than me at work, and if I allow consciousness of that fact, good things seem to happen!

I am careful to limit what I ask for in prayer. Are you?

Prayer and meditation are an extremely important part, and in equal parts, of the maintenance of hope and serenity in my daily life. I must remember to be grateful!

It’s Canada Day- July 1

-and I’m proud to be Canadian!!!!!!!

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A big part of my journey is because I live in a country that I love, and that is tolerant! I am Canadian by birth, blood and choice.

I have been fortunate to have worked for some great multi-nationals and to have traveled extensively. I live in Canada’s most ethnically diverse city with a full 68% of the population being born outside of Canada. I’d be shocked if we were not, here in Markham, Ontario, one of the most diverse cities in the world.

That in itself is a statement about the inclusive nature of Canada. We are a country the world came to visit, and chose as home.

There are many things that could be better about my native land, but tell me where there is perfection?

I love the freedom I have to believe as I want, to raise children in a good school system, the respect the vast majority of Canadians have for law and order and the respect shown to others. I love having 4 distinct seasons (although winter is tougher as I age). I love the ability I have to grow as a person and to express myself freely. I even love paying taxes. I am responsible for the abundance we have and for contributing to the well being of others.

To the unenlightened, Canada is very different and distinct from the US. They are neighbors, but I live in Canada by choice. I have had opportunities to live south; for me that was not worth the trade offs!

We have been an independent country since 1867, and I know from experience that people are shocked when they learn how many Canadians have made a huge impact on the world. It was a Canadian who gave the world basketball, the telephone, polio vaccine and the Captain of the Starship Enterprise was Canadian! The list is endless.

So today I express gratitude and pride for having the good fortune to have been born, raised, and home based in Canada. I am proud of my homeland and happy to celebrate another birthday of confederation!!

While I am fortunate to have clients that I mentor and coach around the world, the training and learning I have been given, and values I have, are that of a humble, small but great nation. Canada, my home and native land!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!!

In To Action. Ready? Amends

This action scared the living twist out of me!

What was hammered through my thick skull that the amends I made were for my benefit, not for the benefit of the person I was making amends to. I was carrying the garbage, and this step in my journey was for me to clear up my garbage, and I was told to do it personally wherever humanly possible.

There is sort of an escape in the steps-except when to do so would injure them or others- and once again, I was reminded that it did not say except when to do so would be very difficult for me.

By this time, I had a pretty good list of those I had harmed, and finally had become WILLING to make the amends.

When we first get rid of our addictions, some of us tended to run around and tell many people we were sorry about what we had done, but now would do better. I admit to one of those who wanted to make amends right , left and center very early on, I wanted to have my ego stroked by having people say” Oh what a good fellow you are” or the like. This amends were useless. They were done far too early.

I consulted with my trusted advisers about each amend. They included family, friends, former friends’ employers and my ex-wife and her family. And a few others.

Most of them I got done very quickly. There were two that had to be done face to face in a proper place, or there well might have been harm done. But do them I did! And at the first opportunity.

Some people were receptive and listened with interest. A few told me where to get off and said in their minds I would always be a jerk. Some were amazed that I would remember incidents that were long out of their memory. With those I love the most, progress on my journey for the last number of years has been the only true amend I can make. There are certain behaviors that asking forgiveness was not deep enough, sorry wouldn’t do, the process is shown by my actions ongoing!

I was told this action was for me, and at the end of the process, I truly understood.

A tremendous weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could hold my head up much higher. I did not have to worry inside about running into certain people, and a load of guilt, shame and resentments was lifted.

I truly began to experience a new freedom.

I remain ever grateful for those who guided me through this process and made sure I was thorough!

Amends were scary, the [payoff was great. For those trying to get life back on track, I recommend this action process highly. Not a lot of fun, but truly worth it!

So are you in a position to be ready to clean up your past wreckage??

Do You Have Any Idea Where You’re Going??/Life Direction

The above question can be found as part of a collage of questions on a bill board in Dallas. They are questions from God.

Upon seeing this, it made me reflect.

There was a time that I had no idea of where I was going. Then as they say, sh*t happened and my life went tilt.

I had no idea of where I was going, but made a decision that I couldn’t go where I was heading.

A spiritual awakening, a lot of help, much soul searching, a ton of support and constant gratitude! A new journey began with new purpose and new, positive direction. A journey of hope, a lot of serenity, and no final destination. A journey filled with gratitude and satisfaction in learning, and helping others!!

I am shocked, in talking with others, how many people are struggling to find out where they are going and who they really are. Some hide behind addictions or become actors on the stage of life, characters with no belief that the character is them. Many have no spiritual foundation (not to be confused with religion), and are drifting in the “cosmic void”.

For 14 years I’ve wanted to be able to help others. I’ve spent a life time trying to do for others, and found that some of this was so I wouldn’t have to look at me.

My journey began by finding out who I am, and life is work in progress.

I have a gift, and the gift is value added through experience and education. I know my life’s purpose with clarity and love the opportunity to do what is my true calling.

When I tell some people I coach and mentor, they look at me like I have two heads. In some parts of the world, using personal coaches is an accepted part of life, a necessity for many. Canada is slow to adopt, and slow to change. But it is changing.

Many have addictions or addicted people in their life, and do not know where to turn. They want guidance and confidentiality, and are not yet prepared to go public in “self-help” groups. I am privileged to work with these people and make a difference.

If it’s living an addiction free life or setting goals for the future and getting to really know who you are, I can help and have been the instrument that has redirected the lives of many!

I know where I’m going, do you??

Ready For Some Tough Stuff?

Even doing a list can hurt!

Back into action!

The next thing on the agenda is to make a list of people we had harmed along the way, and became willing to make amends. Really two things, so I deal with one at a time.

In doing my inventory, I identified quite a few people I had harmed along the way, with the worst harm naturally done to those I am closest to. What a surprise. With the selfish way I carried on, the entitlements I thought I had, there were a number of people I had winged. As well, my career had been very good, and I had occupied positions of major responsibility and had responsibility for the job well being of hundreds. While I had done a good job in general, there were certainly a few who I hammered along the way. Never back stabbing, but hurting their careers, and in some casers hurting them for doing the things I got away with. Hard to be fooled by a duck when you are one!! Ironic how that works.

My list had several names on it including an ex-wife, some of her family, and of course my spouse and kids and more.

No where in my program does it say to list me as one I had done harm to. I had got hurt along the way and had to recover my own self-esteem, but not as part of this process.

There were people on my list who had stuck it to me fairly bad, and I had certainly found ways to get even. They begrudgingly went on the list.

The name of the game was to list people where I felt pangs of guilt for my behavior, and being me, I had to put personal grudges and the like aside.

I put the list together primarily based on things from my inventory and included employers I had cheated on and lied to, and the like.

The list was not super long, but long enough. It is amazing how in active addiction and being totally selfish and insecure, how you can damage people along the trail and in most cases never intend to!

The list in itself was tough stuff, but when I got to this point, I was ready to do it.

Tomorrow I’ll look at the tough part, to become willing. Really emotional when I looked at some.

The next piece of this journey was tough stuff. Will you be ready when you get there?

Share Your Opinion Please?

We all need checks and balances, and I know a few people do read my daily musings. This journal is a sharing, something, as much as anything; I do to help maintain my own serenity.

Today, an incident occurred, and I’m really wondering if it shows something I need to work on internally.

I love to play golf. I have a regular fellow I play with who is highly competitive, and a better player than I. We usually get involved in a 2 man partner game with the losing team buying drinks, not serious gambling. Today, unfortunately, there were only three of us, so we agreed the loser would buy the drinks. Now understand, the drinks we play for are about $1.25 each.

When I play in a club or outside competition, I’ll grind a bit and compete. Normally, I play for fun, fellowship and a great walk in a gorgeous surrounding. If I play well, it’s a bonus, if I play poorly; it’s forgotten before my shoes are changed. My golf score is not a measure of who I am.

Today, I was slapping the ball around, and was likely a little nonchalant. I was not keeping the score, and I normally have only a vague idea of what I shoot, and very little idea of what others are scoring, I have a general idea of play, good or bad, but not specifics. It would seem the scorer was a stroke generous to me on a whole, and at the end, it meant my regular partner had to buy a drink.

He went ballistic in the locker room following the round, claiming he had to have beaten me. Fact is, we likely tied. I was shocked to be yelled at over something so trivial, and obviously it is still bothering me.

Over the drink he did buy, things, on his part, were slightly strained and he left the other two of us quickly. To make matters more interesting< I’m supposed to go up to my partners for dinner tonight.

I don’t take kindly at people raising there voice to me without real cause. I’m quite prepared to say you know, Don made a mistake on the scorecard on the 6^th hole, and mentioned it after you’d left. But I am at a stage in my life where I don’t take silly crap easily. Maybe the old sensitivities coming out?

So here I sit, on a great Sunday afternoon, stewing over trivia! The lovely thing, life is good enough right now that this is the biggest problem I have on my plate, and I am not responsible for others behavior! But I still sulk and feel like a kid who wants to take their marbles and go home, I really don’t, at this moment, feel like going up for dinner!

So tell me, what do you think?

By this time tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll have forgotten about it, there is a life going on!!

Interesting reminder; that no matter how far you’ve traveled, there is more growth to come.

Do You Ever Feel Alone? (Even in a crowd)

I am going to get back to the journey’s footprints soon; I’ve got to review the things done to free me from the past.

With a couple of things that happened during my Wednesday, it was great to feel comfortable in my own skin, and great to know I’m no longer alone.

Early this morning, I headed the car north east. The sun was just coming up and I was thrilled to experience the joy of a new day. I was in the car alone, and just enjoyed the ride. No radio or tapes to occupy my mind. This is something I could not have done before the journey to a new life began. My mind was occupied enough just “being”, enjoying what I was experiencing, and feeling that connected feeling inside. I wasn’t alone.

Just about a year ago now, my life took a huge bump that was totally unexpected, and extremely hard to deal with. Even in the new life I’ve chosen, there are some strange and twisted curves. I know that my higher power never gives me more than I can handle if I listen to the quiet voice inside. As dark turned to light, I knew I wasn’t alone. I was ready to hold my head high and face things.

Wednesday evening, I attended a meeting which was the last official function I had overseen a year ago. I was almost terrified to go because there was a piece of “hurt” that I would be facing. But go I did. I had always accepted honestly within me what had happened; I had made an error, but an error without dishonesty on my part. It was a real reminder that I am capable of bad judgment if I don’t trust instincts and I allow myself to be deceived. I had conscious contact during the entire meeting, got a good lesson in right sizing again, and was able to feel very good about the positives that had happened outside of the specific event failure. I also got to say a sincere thank you to some people that circumstances had not let me see in a year! My terror at being there was totally unjustified, and I was not alone at all.

I remember, from something I heard at another function Wednesday evening, the times I would be at work gatherings, social events and the like, and feel alone. Mood altering substances were my answer to fitting in. I never felt that I belonged or was anyone’s “best” friend, and extended time alone was agony. I was often alone amongst people. I know many have felt this way and if they’re honest, can easily relate. Are you one of them?

As noted, today I am no longer alone, even if there is no other human around. I’ve got a “me” whose company I enjoy, and in quiet moments, if I stay out of my way and allow myself to see, hear and feel, there is a spirit within me, and all that is around me, that gives me comfort, and for that I am grateful.

Do you ever feel alone, even when there are others around? I work with clients to help them find an abundant space in which they experience hope and serenity, and are never alone!

Thanks Ralph for your thoughts that triggered this.