On Sunday, I had a bathing suit moment. I went into a sporting goods store and tried on a bikini. It was a cute, unique bikini. It had mushrooms all over it and came from France. I jimmied my body into the thing. I looked at my back, then my front. I thought, "I don't look so awful. Except for the side flab, bottom-area situation."

 

A big gong went off. (Apparently dressing room attendants keep gongs around for Ah-a! moments.) What, I wondered, would it be like to think, "Hey! I look good! I look strong and ready to swim the English channel!"  I hustled away from the mirror, back into the store. Suddenly tennis rackets and water shoes and kayaks were pointing accusingly at me from all corners of the room. "I don't work out," I wanted to confess to them. "I want to!  But I'm busy and tired and my back hurts and I haven't worked out for (gulp) 5 years. I have flab. This is bad for my health and strength and mind--forget the bikini!"

On Monday, I decided to try to find a gym or some kind of class: pilates, yoga, whatever came along. I walked the streets around my office; I saw healthy, strong people sweating on machines through windows. I thought the exact thoughts that Jennifer Hudson described in her video, reflecting on how she used to feel before getting in shape: "A lot of the time you see all the fit people, and you think 'I shouldn't be here with them. I'll never get there.'"

Discouraged, I went back to work, and, by some quirky miracle, I saw this video. I laughed until I re-found my inspiration--because I  am not being asked to overcome a genetic fear of water or to wear a proud, patient, thoughtful expression while crooning, quasi-disco music plays as soundtrack to my experience. All I have to do is get on the treadmill and put on foot in front of the other. All I have to do is think of my inner big kitty--and commit.

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