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When my kids were really tiny, I gave each one their own lullaby as a kind of talisman. My first child's song was a French one I had learned a child about boat on a river. It's insanely repetitive—and became even more so as I sang over and over every time they looked remotely sleepy.

My idea was that babies were like Pavlovian guinea pigs. If they associated a song with sleep, they would fall asleep the minute they heard the first few phrases of music. I had a lot of ideas about babies at the time, most of the them exhausting, dopey, and just plain embarrassing, but the song one worked. I could make my baby fall asleep with one round of Bateau Sur L'Eau and I used to do for it pure sport during lunches with my friends, so that I would look like The Best Mother Ever as well as spooky mind-control master, when in fact, I just wanted the child to take a nap so I could eat my Cobb Salad.

Many a late night, when I have been up, unable to sleep, running through panic-inducing daydreams and to-do lists, I have tried to sing my children's old songs to myself—to no avail. They do nothing for me. Now, however, the British Telegraph has announced there is song that's been scientifically engineered to relax us adults—if not knock us out. The tune is called Weightless and it contains eight minutes and sixteen seconds of " carefully arranged harmonies, rhythms and bass lines help to slow the heart rate, reduce blood pressure and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol."