The Oprah Winfrey Show
Oprah's Best Life Series
Harpo Films
For One More Day
The Great Debaters
O, The Oprah Magazine
Subscribe Today
Oprah Radio
Oprah's Angel Network
Oprah's Book Club
The day Katie and I met her, Kathy was wearing a T-shirt that said "do nothing when nothing works", a motto that typifies her approach. On her desk were the results from the tests (the Kolbe A and Y Indexes) that my daughter and I had just taken to evaluate our personal "conative styles," or typical action patterns.
Conative Styles
"Martha, you go about problem solving in a different way from Katie," Kathy said. "There are four basic action modes, and you're what I call a Quick Start. When you want to learn, you just jump in and start messing around." Bull's-eye. I cannot count the times I've been defeated, humiliated, or physically injured immediately after saying the words, "Hey, how hard can it be?" But that never seems to stop me from saying them again.
"Now," Kathy went on, "Katie's not a Quick Start. She's a Fact Finder. Before she starts a task, she needs to know all about it. She needs to go through the instructions and analyze them for flaws, then get more information to fill in the gaps." To my amazement, my daughter nodded vigorously. I've never understood why some people hesitate before diving into unfamiliar tasks or activities. I couldn't imagine wanting more instructions about anything.
"There are two other typical patterns," Kathy explained. "The people I call Implementors—like Thomas Edison, for example—need physical objects to work with. They figure out things by building models or doing concrete tasks. Then there are the Follow Thrus. They set up orderly systems, like the Dewey decimal system or a school curriculum."
"And that, Katie," she said, "is why you're having trouble. The school system was created mainly by people who are natural Follow Thrus. It works best for students with the same profile. Your teachers want you to fit into the system, but you have a hard time seeing how it works. If you question the instructions—which you absolutely need to do—they think you're being sassy."
Katie nodded so hard I feared for her cervical vertebrae. I was stunned. I'd spent years trying to understand my daughter, and a veritable stranger had just nailed the problem in ways I'd never even conceptualized.
