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The Secrets You're Not Telling Yourself

By Martha Beck

Five Steps to Express What You've Repressed

Step 4: Master (non)reaction
Almost by definition, uncovering buried information will expose you to some uneasy sensations. Whatever the feeling, react by not reacting. Hold still and know your new truth. The ability to sit calmly at this crucial moment is your lifeline, your infallible guide back to the safe surface of consciousness. This can be a purely psychological process, or your discovery might require action. Either way, precipitous action will make things worse. For a few minutes, just absorb the truth. Emotion will crest and fade repeatedly, each wave leaving you less fearful and clearer about what to do next.

Step 5: Discover re-covery
Set a limit on your expression session. Less than half an hour usually isn't enough time; more than 90 minutes, too much. About 15 minutes before your time is up, rebury issues that don't require urgent action. That's right, re-repress what you've uncovered. You're not going to forget that it exists or fail to deal with it, but processing can—and usually must—happen gradually.

Tucking away a newly exposed truth is easier than you may expect—after all, you've been storing this knowledge out of consciousness all along, so you have a nice hidey-hole for it in your mind. Close your eyes and see the issue you've uncovered. Put it back into the nook it occupied until a few minutes ago. See yourself covering it with gravel, promising to come back later. Then go back to business as usual. Unless you're dealing with severe trauma—in which case, I repeat, you need professional help—you'll find it weirdly easy to behave as you always have, even if you've unearthed a real stunner.

It takes courage to explore the secret caverns in your mind, but if you do, allowing plenty of time and trusting the process, you'll discover that there is treasure hidden in them. Beneath consciousness lies repression, but beneath repression lies wisdom. The more you let yourself explore the truth about your inner world, mapping the channels your mind has created, the more you will find yourself making good judgment calls, knowing what to do next, feeling purposeful and peaceful. Your life will work more smoothly. You'll have a better effect on the world. And best of all, you'll never again be quite so afraid of the dark.