• What Is OWN?
    Watch the preview!
    GO
  • Get Happy!
    Discover your joy in our Spirit newsletter
    GO
  • New Video
    Stories of Africa through children's eyes
    GO

When Your Biggest Problem Is…You

By Martha Beck


Denial Strategy #1: "Fear? Ha! What Fear?"



When I suggested to Whitney that she might be courting job loss precisely because it was her worst fear, she laughed.

"Fear? Me? No, absolutely not," she said. "I mean, I'm sorry so many people are getting laid off, but my job is safe as houses."

This struck me as an odd choice of idiom in an era when demented mortgage practices have triggered worldwide economic catastrophe. I also noticed a crimson blush creeping up Whitney's neck. Paging Dr. Freud: Dr. Freud to the floor, please.

"What if you keep shredding presentations and sending your boss e-mails about yeast infections?" I said. "What if these screwups keep getting worse?"

The blush faded abruptly; now Whitney looked pale. "Honestly, I don't see how that's possible," she muttered. "Um, could you excuse me for a second?" She pulled out her BlackBerry and peered at it anxiously.

"You seem nervous," I commented, watching her thumbs go to work.

"Well, of course I'm nervous!" Whitney snapped. "The whole damn country's falling apart—who isn't nervous?"

"So," I said, "suppose your company folds. What would you do?"

"That won't happen."

"I'm not saying it will; I'm just asking you to imagine it."

"I don't want to!"

"Seriously, what will you do if you lose your job?"

The dam burst.

"I've worked my whole adult life for this job!" Whitney cried. "And it's not like I can get another one these days. Have you seen the news? Every day it's worse—more unemployment, more foreclosures. People just like me are living in tents! My stocks are practically worthless." Whitney began trembling. "I can't lose my job," she whispered. "It'd be the end of the world."

So that cat was out of the bag. Like so many people right now, Whitney was stuck contemplating the Machine of unemployment. But she'd shoved this intense fear out of her conscious awareness, so her subconscious mind had built a counterphobic mechanism to kill the job and end the agony. "You'll thank me," her inner albino was saying. "I swear."