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Why Kids Whine and How to Stop Them

By Constance Mattheissen
Whining kids

Our experts weigh in on what makes children whine and how parents can prevent it.

San Francisco mom Anne Crawford has three children, ages 8 through 13, so she has heard her share of whining over the years.

"My kids whine about doing the chores or about how unfair it is that one got something and the other didn't," says Crawford, 42, a freelance researcher. "I'd say whining pretty much comes with the territory."

Kids whine for a very simple reason, according to Bay Area pediatrician Laurel Schultz, MD—it works. "Whining gets the parent's attention," Schultz says. "A high-pitched whine is effective because a parent can't not attend to it."

Preventing Whining in Children
Schultz explains this is not a conscious strategy on the part of children, but a learned behavior—and parents often play a part. If a child asks for something in a polite way and the parent doesn't respond the first time or two, the child will amp up the volume of the demand. A small child may holler or even throw a tantrum, but an older child, who has more self-control, is likely to whine.

To avoid whining, Schultz advises parents not to wait until children are in distress to acknowledge them. "It's important to respond to that first bid for attention, if you can," she says. "If you are on the phone or in the middle of a conversation, make eye contact with your child and put a finger up, so she knows you'll be with her in a minute. Then, give your child your attention as soon as you can politely do so."



Reviewed by Steven Jerome Parker, MD

SOURCES: Anne Crawford, parent. Laurel Schultz, MD, pediatrician in private practice in San Francisco. Becky Bailey, PhD, developmental psychologist and educator. Reviewed on March 31, 2008

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