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What Do I Do Now?

Dealing with a gossip

How to Deal with a Gossip

Ethical dilemmas, etiquette snafus—we lurch into them just about every day. Jancee Dunn calls on a panel of experts for deft comebacks, diplomatic solutions and graceful ways to deal with everything life throws you.

Q: What do you do when someone you know is spreading lies or gossiping about you?

A: Before you act, ask yourself: What's at stake? Is it something really destructive? What do I expect to gain from the confrontation? And finally, Is this worth my valuable energy?

If you decide to confront, be calm and open with something like "I don't usually listen to gossip, but I think a miscommunication may have created some wrong impressions, and I'd really like to speak candidly with you about this."
— Michele Wetherald


A: Go to the source and ask her or him to stop telling lies, and also to set the record straight—the equivalent of a New York Times retraction. That's very important, because even if someone stops telling lies, the lies are still out there.
— Anita L. Allen