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Is There a Downside?
As glorious as older woman-younger man relationships can be, they are not without problems. Among those most often cited in studies: The woman's fear of growing physically old long before her partner, and how that fear eventually affects their intimate life.
"Women clearly have more doubts about entering into these relationships because of concerns they will age sooner. And some women also reported that intimacy was affected by the age difference, particularly as it related to attractiveness," says Caron. And while younger men expressed less concern over this issue, Caron says even women who were in good shape expressed worry about how they might stack up to younger women as time went on.
Another issue—the ticking biological clock. "Either the woman's biological clock has run out or, as is often the case, this is a second marriage for her, so she already has children and doesn't want more," says Caron. Either way, if the man is young he may want the experience of fathering a child and that can be a sticking point in the relationship down the road.
Moreover, in addition to whatever pressure society puts on the couple, there can also be internal pressures from friends and family, including adult children and parents, who may find the relationship difficult to understand or accept. This often forces couples to "go underground" for quite some time, which can also put a strain on the relationship.
Still, couples in Caron's study have endured, defending and highly recommending their choice. They say if a couple is willing to confront the difficulties, the rewards are great.
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD
SOURCES: Sandy Caron, PhD, professor of family relations and human sexuality, University of Maine. Helen E. Fisher, PhD, visiting professor of anthropology, Rutgers University; chief scientific advisor, Chemistry.com. Susan Shapiro Barash, instructor of gender culture, Sarah Lawrence College; author, Tripping the Prom Queen and A Passion for More. Nancy O'Reilly, PsyD, founder and director, WomenSpeak.com. Proulx, N. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 2006; vol 5. Seskin, J., Ziegler, B. Older Women/Younger Men, Garden City, N.Y.: Anchor Press/Doubleday.
