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What's in It for Younger Men?
While the perks for women may be clear, the waters get a little murky when it comes to nailing down what's in it for the younger guy. Experts say that's because at least in part, the desire for a younger, healthy, fertile partner is pretty much hardwired into men's DNA.
"From an [evolutionary] perspective, men are attracted to women who show signs of health, youth and fertility; they always have, they always will. And in fact, if a man of 35 is going to choose from among a group of women aged 45, he's still going to go for the one who looks the youngest and the most spry," says Fisher.
That said, Fisher also reminds us that wants and needs can frequently override even hardwiring. "And there are many things an older woman can offer a younger man that can short-circuit that hardwiring. Things he wants and even craves that he simply can't get from someone his own age," says Fisher.
Not only does this include the excitement of sexual experience and sexual confidence (a middle-aged woman pretty much knows what she wants, says Fisher), but also the excitement of just being around someone who has achieved a certain level of experience and sophistication.
Barash says she has the studies to prove this can be a turn-on for many young men. "This goes right to the heart of two of my studies. In research for my book A Passion for More I found that younger men were involved with an older woman simply because she was so sophisticated and worldly and because she knew herself sexually and in terms of her emotional needs. It felt very safe for him, and he didn't have to figure out as much on his own, and he liked that," says Barash.
Fisher says that this, in combination with the financial freedom that coupling with an older woman can provide, is a powerful aphrodisiac for many young men.
"Fifty years ago, the only choice a young man had was to marry a younger woman and be the breadwinner. Today, by choosing a woman five or 10 years older who has her own career, he can take time to pursue his dreams. He can go to med school or become a concert violinist or start his own business, all without having to worry about being the breadwinner," says Fisher.
