Intentional Dialogue Exercise

Empathizing

The next big step in the dialoguing process is for your partner to empathize with your expressed feelings. "Figure out the feeling, and go to that place with him or her," says Dr. Harville Hendrix. "Step into that place with them and they will know you exist for them in that moment. That's a connection."

Empathy Exercise
  • Your partner can start the empathy exercise with a statement such as, "I can imagine that you might be feeling…" or "I can see you are feeling…."
  • Since it's impossible to know exactly what a person feels, your partner should check for accuracy. He should ask "Is that what you're feeling?" If he didn't understand the feeling, you should readdress the message.
  • If you share new feelings with you partner upon reiteration, he must mirror those feelings. For example, "Is there more about that feeling?"
Once your partner has gone through these steps, an extra "gift" helps solidify the discussion.

Intentional Dialogue Exercise
Step One: Mirroring
Step Two: Validating
Step Three: Empathizing
The Gift