Intentional Dialogue Exercise

Mirroring

Dr. Harville Hendrix says the first step of an intentional dialogue is to mirror your partner and let him be heard without judgment.

Mirroring Exercise


  • Tell your partner the message you would like him to hear. The message should start with "I" and describe your feelings.

    Example: "I feel hurt when you talk down to me."
  • Your partner then mirrors your message.

    Example: "If I got it, you feel hurt when I talk down to you. Did I get it?"
  • If you feel your partner didn't understand your message, explain again, and have him mirror you until the message is received.
  • Complete the message. If you were heard accurately, your partner says, "Is there more about that?" This helps you complete your feelings and prevents your partner from responding to incomplete messages.
  • When the message is completed, your partner then summarizes all of the message.

    Example: "Let me see if I got that..."

    He should check for accuracy with, "Did I get it all?"
When your message has been heard accurately, you can then move on to the next step.

Intentional Dialogue Exercise
Step One: Mirroring
Step Two: Validating
Step Three: Empathizing
The Gift