The Allure of the Forbidden

Is your marriage boring? Are you contemplating an affair? Rabbi Shmuley says these are common thoughts among many Americans who live in a society where consumerism is king. "We human beings seem to live in perpetual longing for those things which are not good for us or are impossible to obtain," Rabbi Shmuley says.

Many who cheat on their spouses say it's the forbidden nature of an affair they find alluring, Rabbi Shmuley says. He says the mystique of the forbidden can also be created in your own marriage. "It's the mental anticipation that makes the forbidden so incredibility satisfying because you've waited and you've planned and you've pinned and you've longed and you've lusted," he says. Rabbi Shmuley shares ideas he says you can use to bring the forbidden into your own marriage:

• Make the master bedroom a private place. "When you make your bedroom a family sitting room, when the kids are always in your bed, you also remove the forbidden. There is an allure the bedroom is supposed to have," Rabbi Shmuley says.
• Women should reveal to their husbands their sexual fantasies and sexual thoughts about others. "When a woman indulges her true sexuality and her attraction to others, she is displaying the full color of her libido, which most husbands never see," he says.
• Don't call your spouse your "partner" or "best friend." "All the words we use today to connote marriage lack intensity," Rabbi Shmuley says.

Today's Shmuleyism
"The reason we always seek out the forbidden is because of its overpowering ability to make us do things that we thought we were incapable of doing. All too often, married relationships become so legal, so predictable, so routine that they have nothing left to offer us. A healthy injection, therefore, of the forbidden—a healthy introduction of that which would seem a little crazy—is sometimes just what the doctor ordered."